The Kid With One F turns 14 this summer and has been asking me about getting a part-time job. It seems like only yesterday I was coming up with fun geek lies to keep the Santa myth going, but time kicks us all in the tenders, eventually.
This has led to a lot of discussions between us about what to expect as a new worker, especially where predatory bosses take advantage of the inexperienced and eager. Here follows a list of things I imparted to my offspring to protect them.
5. If You’re At Work, You’re Getting Paid
Wage theft is the most prevalent type of theft in America, and is actually larger than all other theft combined. It’s also illegal, but good luck calling the cops on your boss over it. The best way to fight it is to establish your refusal to put up with that shit early and often.
If you are at work, they have to pay you. This includes meetings, training, opening, closing, disciplinary hearings, and literally any other reason you are performing tasks at your job. If a boss tells you that you need to come help as a favor because they’re short, the answer is either “no” or “pay me.” Understaffing is their problem, and you are under no obligation to fix it for free. You are not there for fun.
4. Get Promises on Record
One of the stupidest things I ever did as a young worker was agree to a management position at a movie theater on a probationary basis. I was told if I did well, I would get a raise in six months. Six months came, and my bosses denied knowing anything about it. Instead, they got a manager at a popcorn monkey’s price!
You cannot rely on the goodwill of management when it comes to promises, whether they’re for advancement, increased wages, or flexible staffing. Something about being in charge of other humans breaks many of these people’s brains and turns them into petty Machiavellis. Do not assume more responsibility for free. Make them give you clearly defined benchmarks and timelines in writing.
3. It Is Not Your Job to Defend the Company
I used to deliver pizzas. A common scam was that people would get a pizza, eat most of it, say something was wrong, and demand a refund. Nine out of ten times, the managers would give it to them to keep a loyal customer.
This used to enrage me because the customers were stealing. Now, I realize that national pizza chains would rather eat the $20 than have angry customers. Don’t defend millionaires and corporations for free. If you catch a scammer, you’re not going to see another dime of compensation. Report theft and let management deal with it. Never, ever make it a personal crusade to protect a company’s bottom line. They would not do it for you.
2. Record Disciplinary Meetings
A lot of disciplinary meetings are complete bullshit and some of them are flat out illegal, such as forcing pregnant workers to do unsafe tasks. If you get written up, make sure you record the conversation. This can be tricky depending on where you live. In Texas, this is a one-party consent state, but in other states, it’s illegal to record without the other person’s permission. Regardless, sometimes just the act of asking to record the meeting will make a predatory boss back off.
If for some reason you can’t record a meeting, send an email summarizing the meeting to your boss and their superior at the earliest opportunity. In fact, do that even if you record the meeting. Make sure you CC a copy to a personal email you control so you have access to the record. Contemporaneous memos are always good to have, especially if lawyers get involved.
Also, remember that you absolutely have the right to ask to speak to a human resources representative before signing a write-up. Any decent-sized company will have one. They may not help much because protecting the company is their first priority, but knowing that they’re being watched makes a lot of middle managers remember that they aren’t as powerful as bossing around teenagers makes them feel.
1. Remember That You Are an Equal
There is this delusion that teenagers are given jobs as some sort of courtesy or extended education. Young people should be grateful that older, wiser workers are willing to put up with their inexperience in order to mold them into productive members of society.
Bullshit, horseshit and many other kinds of shit.
You are a person giving up hours of your life to flip burgers, run a register, stock shelves, or sweep floors. Your time is worth something, and the company absolutely needs you to function. Without you, things would not get done and money would be lost.
It’s okay to feel thankful for opportunities, but always remember that you are providing a needed service and you should be adequately compensated. When you’re a teenager, you usually have more access to shelter, food, and security than you probably will as an adult. This, more than any other time, is when you should practice not putting up with gaslighting. Your job is not a favor, and they owe you respect and fair wages. Don’t forget that.
This article appears in Jan 1 – Dec 31, 2023.
