As some of you out there might know, the New York Yankees played the last game ever at Yankee Stadium last week. They had a big ceremony with lots and lots of ex players making an appearance. But there was one man who was not invited to be a part of the festivities, and according to the New York Post, that man, one Roger Clemens, sat in his flooded house, with no power, watching the game on a battery-operated television with his wife and mother-in-law, and he was very, very upset that he was not asked to participate.
But I did a little checking, and I think I have found the top ten reasons that the New York Yankees didn’t ask Roger Clemens to participate.
10. They didn’t want to deal with radio analyst Suzyn Waldman breaking down on air again.
9. Roger demanded that the Yankees give his son Koby a major league contract since the Astros aren’t treating him properly.
8. With Andy Pettitte, Jason Giambi, and Chuck Knoblauch in attendance, the Yankees thought they had filled their quota of Mitchell Report players.
7. They thought the diva-quota was filled by the presence of Derek Jeter and Alex Rodriguez.
6. Wade Boggs and Johnny Damon were there, so they figured they had enough former Boston Red Sox in attendance.
5. The Rocket wanted to bring his own trainer, and hey, the Yankees have been there and done that.
4. They listened to all of the Houstonians bitching about the baseball players traveling because of Hurricane Ike, so they thought that it was better to leave the Rocket alone.
3. Hey, they didn’t invite Jose Canseco either.
2. There weren’t enough seats in Yankee Stadium for all of his mistresses.
1. He’s a jerk.
— John Royal
This article appears in Sep 25 – Oct 1, 2008.
