10. Ask the Hooters girl to change the channel to that cute Meg Ryan movie on TNT.
9. Bring the wife and kids.
8. Leave the brass knuckles in the car.
7. Shout out to everybody that maybe John McCain was right about ultimate fighting being a “human cockfight.”
6. Say to that big muscled guy at the next table that Michael Vick treated his dogs better than they treat the guys in the octagon.
5. Ask the Hooters girl to change the channel to a real sport like synchronized swimming.
4. Start citing the penal code definition of assault.
3. Say to everyone that those monsters make Mike Tyson look civilized.
2. When the Hooters girl asks if you mind if she changes the channel from the Astros game, say no.
1. Don’t bother. Just stay away from Hooters on that night and watch a real sport like boxing on HBO instead. — John Royal
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This article appears in Sep 4-10, 2008.
