Tunnel Mole, Givin' It Up In The Tunnel

Don’t know what your Thanksgiving plans are, but the Tunnel Mole is feeding a dozen folks!

Nope, the Mole did not give birth to a litter since the last missive. I don’t even know my holiday guests, much less share DNA with ’em. I did what so many are doing — and the new administration is very much down with — by forking out $2.87 a plate for the Star of Hope homeless mission’s 2009 holiday season dinners.

Surely you’ve seen the Star of Hope’s own little advertising cubicle in the Downtown Houston Tunnel System. (And no, it doesn’t say “If you lived here, you’d be home by now.”) We hear from highly reputable sources that the Star of Hope is one of the better-managed social service organizations in town, so we’re happy to help ’em with their goal of serving some 101,010 plates between now and late December.

Of course, we don’t mean that literally. On Thanksgiving afternoon,
we’ll be like most of the non-homeless: napping in the Barcalounger in
front of the TV, with bits of pie crust adorning our bib and tucker.
But our dreams will be sweeter ’cause we helped others get
uncomfortably full.

You can do that too! Not with us, of course.
We can’t stand people, but we love humanity. So feel free to stay in
your own house and send Star of Hope a check. The mission will take
whatever denomination you want to spare. We already outspent the $34.44
we donated for 12 when we ordered a cake and a pie (for our own
feasting) from the tunnel location of Treebeard’s (713-752-2601; the
deadline is for pickup Wednesday was yesterday, alas).

If you’re one of
those Scrooges who says, “I earned this on my own. I’m not paying for
some bum,” well, we’ll try not to remind you of that after your karma
catches up and you’re sentenced to a federal prison for one white-collar crime or another. We hear the food at those places isn’t even as
good, but it costs the taxpayers — and a heckuva lot more, at that.

Speaking
of white-collar crime, do you know that at least Ken Lay, et al,
donated to a lot of charities before they ran their company into the
ground? True, a good amount of the largesse went to the arts, with
social services begging as usual, but when Enron imploded, they felt
the trickle down (or lack of it), just like thousands of others who
lost their jobs and/or retirement nest eggs.

So what the Mole is
saying is: Do unto others. And remember, we got a Community Organizer
coming into the nation’s highest office. It remains to be seen whether
the meek will then at long last inherit the Earth, but meanwhile, it
won’t kill you to cough up $2.87 or some multiple thereof to
www.sohmission.org. Remember that original star of hope oh-so-many
years ago, and keep hope alive!

— Tunnel Mole