In addition to carving out a flash-in-the-pan NFL career, former Longhorn QB Vince Young has apparently burned through cash like a heavyweight boxer on a binge.
He's involved in nasty court cases that point to empty pockets despite having gotten $26 million in guaranteed payments via contracts. (Update: A court hearing today didn't change the situation much.)
Even for a pro athlete with a UT "degree" and an allegedly single-digit Wonderlic, it takes a hell of a lot to go broke so fast with so much to start with.
Young was up to the job, it seems. How did he do it? Likely these five steps were included:
5. Those Rewind With Mack Brown Blu-Rays aren't cheap Unfortunately for VY, stocking up on Longhorn Network DVDs isn't an inexpensive proposition, but it's one that can't be avoided. How else to revel in the time-warp graphics of Rewind With Mack Brown, best appreciated as you're watching and desperately hoping this episode covers the 2006 Rose Bowl once again and not the 2012 New Mexico game?
Also, you never want to be without when the urge to see the show summarized as "Golfers Spieth, Stone Stop By The LHN Studios" strikes you.
4. Tattoos, and their proper display The sophisticated young UT
grad alumnus former player realizes the best way to represent his university, and any professional outfits he then is employed by, is to appear glassy-eyed and shirtless on a nightclub floor. This requires, of course, the purchase of many expensive tattoos, all of which the former player has been informed represent ancient Chinese symbols of strength, or perhaps Mandarin ideographs for "Madison High."
It also requires the constant purchase of new shirts, since the discarded ones always seem to get lost.
3. Attorney's fees We're sure all the attorneys involved in Young's legal docket -- past, present and future -- are upstanding members of the bar. It's just that there's going to be a lot of them, and they're going to be doing a lot of discovery and other fee-generating exercises, and...let's just say that they're going to make sure they get theirs.
2. UT gear Okay, we'll stipulate -- there's no way VY could rock this polo like the dude here does. (That's why Young's signature move is to take it off as quickly as possible.)
But we're sure Vince dreams wistfully of the day he can be "the bomb" with the ladies by showing up at a UT-New Mexico tailgate like this student, complete with "no roll collar" polo, pleated chinos, and an overall look that says fast-track in KBR's account receivables department.
Keep dreaming, Vince. But watch the expenses.
1. Moving expenses One thing you have to say about Vince, he's gotten around. First there came the glory days with the Tennessee Titans, where he actually stayed in one place for five entire years, some of which, to be sure, included being unable to play due to injuries or fighting with his coach.
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Since then, however, the moving bills have grown exponentially. A year in Philly. A cup of coffee in Buffalo. A frantic search for a new franchise to take him on.
That's a lot of moving, and a lot of decorating of McMansions in gated communities, where the decor is based on old episodes of Cribs. Tracking down and buying all those endangered-animal rugs and wall hangings, plutonium faucets, dining-room tables made of the most inaccessible woods the rainforest has to offer -- none of that comes cheap.
Bit if there's anyone willing to go into debt to pay for all that, it's apparently Vince Young.