| Booze |

Chaos on the Rocks Cocktail Little More Than Souped-Up Kool-Aid

Keep Houston Press Free
I Support
  • Local
  • Community
  • Journalism
  • logo

Support the independent voice of Houston and help keep the future of Houston Press free.

Look, I think I've made it clear that I'm not a huge fan of Bethenny Frankel despite the fact that she invented an admittedly very palatable low-calorie premixed cocktail.

So when I spotted a competing "light" cocktail, Chaos on the Rocks, that was a full $2 cheaper, I bought a bottle. Take that, Skinnygirl.

I was even more excited when I learned this beverage was not only not the brainchild of B. Frankel but rather the invention of an Austin woman. Cheers to local booze and female entrepreneurs! I mean, I hadn't even tried a drop, but with such a pedigree it had to be decent, right?

Um, no. And I swear I wasn't just a victim of my own high expectations. It was just bad. Syrupy sweet, fire-engine red in color and with an aftertaste that reminded me vaguely of cherry 'tussin, "Chaos on the Rocks" is certainly mayhem in a mouthful. The cocktail claims to be made from "natural" fruit flavors, but the berries I tasted couldn't be found on Planet Earth.

And though Chaos on the Rocks is advertised as "low carb/low cal," each 1.5-ounce serving is 43 calories, so an ample pour will set you back more than 150 calories. Not that you'll be craving more anyway because of the dismal taste, but you hope maybe you can at least get tipsy off this schlock. Wrong again, my friends.

Despite the fact that Chaos on the Rocks is 12.5 percent alcohol by volume, whatever intoxicating effect it may cause is mitigated if not completely masked by the (other) sugars. One and a half glasses later, your head is spinning with annoyance, not drunken glee, and you feel as if you need to brush your teeth. Maybe while you're at it, you'll take a shot of Listerine. It'll taste like nectar after the Chaos and leave your breath minty sober fresh.

So, Bethenny, don't worry. No need to head for the hills. SkinnyGirl easily surmounts Chaos on the Rocks.

Follow Eating Our Words on Facebook and on Twitter @EatingOurWords

Keep the Houston Press Free... Since we started the Houston Press, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Houston, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Houston with no paywalls.

We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy.


Join the Press community and help support independent local journalism in Houston.


Join the Press community and help support independent local journalism in Houston.