By now, we've all seen the commercial for Jones' Good Ass BBQ & Foot Massage. Sadly, the video with the dancing chickens, catchy jingle and promise of a pedicure with the finest honey barbecue sauce in Illinois was too terrible to be true.
Fortunately, there are plenty of actual commercials for restaurants that are even worse than Jones' BBQ & Foot Massage with the added bonus of being real. Somewhere out there, companies paid a pretty penny (in the case of Carl's Jr., literally millions) only to be made a laughingstock on a local and -- even more humiliating -- national basis.
Here are our choices for the five worst restaurant commercials in recent memory.
5. The Quizno's Rats
Admittedly, we found the Quizno's rats oddly endearing and terrifically memorable. Unfortunately, the rest of the viewing public didn't agree. The "rats" were offputting to most, disgusting to others. There were even claims that Quizno's sales dropped dramatically after the commercials began to air. The ads were yanked within a few months and replaced with far blander commercials, which actually match Quizno's bland offerings. Happy, America?
4. Cantina's Tequila Bot
While we wholeheartedly approve of any ad that features a robot which strongly resembles Bender from Futurama, we don't approve of commercials that (1) have incredibly poor production values and (2) portray Mexicans as nothing more than tequila-guzzling pistoleros, especially when the "Mexican" is played by a skeevy white guy. Blackface died. How about putting Beanerface to bed, too?
3. Paris Hilton For Carl's Jr.
Is there anything less sexy than a sloppy, overrated burger? Yes: a sloppy, overrated heiress. While we vaguely understand the association between an expensive fast food burger and the wealthy celebutard who can afford it, what we don't understand is how anyone at Carl's Jr. or their advertising firm ever found Paris Hilton's wonky eye and Godzilla feet sexy. The commercial makes us wretch just to watch it (and not only because of how unappetizing that burger looks).
2. Rojo's Goes Rogue
This is what happened to the actor who played J.D. on Scrubs after he lost his job as a used car salesman and was hired by this "Latin and American" restaurant. Sure makes us want to eat there. And by "there," we mean the Chili's next door.
1. Jamocha's Mexican Mondays
Leaving aside for a second that the restaurant is called Jamocha's (wouldn't that have been a better name for a mall kiosk that specializes in knockoff Frappucinos?), let's get straight to the point here. Namely, why in God's name would you advertise a restaurant's food by displaying with highly audible gusto how much flatulence and painful, pregnancy-mimicking gas that food will cause someone's body to produce? The quicker, easier equivalent to this commercial would have been giant billboards that simply state: JAMOCHA'S: WE'LL MAKE YOU FART. A LOT. Appetizing!
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