Did you know some people call the Kirby House of Pies "The House of Guys"? It's hilarious because that House of Pies location attracts a lot of late-night diners from Montrose, which is a neighborhood with a relatively substantial homosexual population. We'd love to find out who came up with that nickname. We'd lean in the window of his IROC and bump his fist, because that, friends, is 24-karat comedy gold.

But less hilarious is the fact that House of Pies didn't do so great during a recent inspection. The city turned up eight violations, although the inspector did not issue a citation. Problems included spoiled or mislabeled food; food not stored a minimum of six inches off the floor; floor in poor repair; poorly designed or maintained equipment; single-service articles not stored in a way that prevents contamination; and openings to the outdoors not protected against the entrance of insects.

House of Pies wasn't this week's worst offender, however. Not by a long shot.

Beaucoup Bar and Grill (3102 Old Spanish Trail), which we've praised in the past, earned 15 violations and a citation during a routine inspection last week. Their issues included spoiled or mislabeled food (corrected on site); potentially hazardous food not held at proper temperatures; suitable dispensing utensils not provided to employees and customers; equipment that's not in good repair, too difficult to maintain or toxic; improper sanitizing method for equipment and utensils in the third sink compartment; vent hood either lacking cleanable filters or lacking filters entirely; live animal present on premises (this is a new one for us); and no Food Service Manager's Certification.

Chinese place O'Yeah Cafe (5004 Kirby) earned a citation on a dozen violations during a re-inspection last week. Inspectors found food not prevented from contamination by separating raw and cooked food; moist cleaning cloths used improperly; wall/ceiling in poor repair (that you, Kool-Aid Man?!); food not stored at least six inches above the ground; poorly designed or maintained equipment; food stored in unclean or uncovered containers; dirty non-food-contact surfaces; ice-dispensing utensils not stored properly; and utensils not stored in a way that prevents contamination.

The Art Institute of Houston (4140 Southwest Freeway) offers culinary degrees but still had a little trouble with the whole health code part of the deal. An inspector found 14 violations but didn't issue a citation. Some of the problems: food employee not wearing effective hair restraint (corrected); poorly designed or maintained equipment; hand-washing sink not provided with hot enough water (corrected); ice-dispensing utensils not stored properly (corrected); openings to the outdoors not protected against the entrance of insects; utensils not stored in a way that prevents contamination; spoiled or mislabeled food; potentially hazardous food not maintained at proper temperatures; single-use articles not dispensed with individual wrappers or from an approved dispenser; and food not prevented from contamination by separating raw and cooked food.

La Fisheria (4705 Inker) had a tough time as well, racking up a dozen violations but no citation. Issues included food not prevented from contamination by separating raw and cooked food (corrected); potentially hazardous food being improperly thawed in water (corrected); no thermometer located in area storing potentially hazardous food; potentially hazardous food held at improper temperatures (corrected); dirty non-food-contact surfaces; and ice machine not set up in a way that prevents contamination (corrected).

Finally, Bombay Pizza Co. (914 Main) got a citation after an inspector found eight violations, including spoiled or mislabeled food (corrected); food employee not wearing effective hair restraint (corrected); moist cleaning cloths used improperly; wall/ceiling in poor repair; potentially hazardous food held at improper temperatures; and no Food Manager's Certification.