4
| Recipes |

How to Cook Naked, Part 1

^
Keep Houston Press Free
I Support
  • Local
  • Community
  • Journalism
  • logo

Support the independent voice of Houston and help keep the future of Houston Press free.

You, a birthday suit and the open kitchen: a winning combination if you take some of our advice to heart.

No deep frying Oil at 350° and above + tiny amounts of water = oil splatter. While you're free to use any of your cooking oil (or hell, why not shortening) for any of your "personal" uses, boiling, lava-hot, skin-melting oil is probably not as effective in clearing up your ashy ankles. Save the French fries and falafels for another, fully clothed cooking extravaganza.

Salads are good Choosing a dish with minimal amounts of heat involved is a well-advised step in your bare ass cooking approach. Avoiding burns means avoiding hospitals; if merely for the step that would require you to explain how you got burned "down there."

Keep the tongs on the counter Resist the urge to scratch any itch, whether forearm or fore-anything else. In an attempt to keep your meal edible and sanitary, kitchen utensils should only be used for the food - for things like mixing, tossing salads and the like. Unless, of course, you have something planned after the meal.

Check for stray hairs This step is pretty important - especially for dudes (and those free-living ladies with unshaven pits). Keep a watchful eye on all of your dishes for tiny, scraggly hairs, and if you're outside during any preparations, stay downwind of the food. Keep the ceiling fan usage to a minimum as well - it's not like you need to cool off. You're naked already. Don't be drunk You can cook naked or you can cook drunk, but you shouldn't cook while drunk AND naked. However, occasionally, when cooking drunk - you may end up cooking naked anyway. If you need further explanation on why combining the two could end in injured gonads or otherwise, you probably shouldn't cook naked OR drunk. Ever.

Check back tomorrow for more tips on how to cook naked.

Keep the Houston Press Free... Since we started the Houston Press, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Houston, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Houston with no paywalls.

We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy.

 

Join the Press community and help support independent local journalism in Houston.

 

Join the Press community and help support independent local journalism in Houston.