Redneck Thanksgiving: Baked Ham and Apple Dumplings

For those pressed for time, looking to do some ironic cooking or just plain angry at their arteries, we present the third in a series of recipes to help you enjoy a Redneck Thanksgiving. For previous posts in this series -- mined mainly from my family's eastern Ohio church cookbook -- click here and here.

Having covered appetizers and side dishes, this week we tackle the main dishes.

Unfortunately, my research didn't turn up many centerpieces to pass on -- (the logic presumably being "if your momma didn't learn you right on turkey cookin', you might as well just quit") -- but there was one that caught my eye.

See if you can spot the magic ingredient in this recipe.

Baked Ham

• 8-10 lb. ham • 1 small jar French's mustard • 5 Tbs. brown sugar • 1 can 7-Up

Trim ham, leaving a little fat on. Spread mustard on the ham and pat brown sugar into the mustard. Wrap in foil. Add can of 7-Up and seal foil. Bake at 300 degrees for several hours or until ham is done.

Yes indeed, what my people up there would call "pop." http://is.gd/gRb78 There are a few other recipes in the book that call for Mountain Dew, which is even more on point, but they aren't really holiday material.

These apple dumplings culled from the Internets, though, could be.

Apple Dumplings

• 2 large Granny Smith apples • 2 (10 ounce) cans refrigerated crescent roll dough • 1 cup butter • 1.5 cups white sugar • 1 tsp. ground cinnamon • 1 can Mountain Dew

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Grease a 9x13 inch baking dish. Cut each apple into eight wedges and set aside. Separate the crescent roll dough into triangles. Roll each apple wedge in crescent-roll dough, starting at the smallest end. Pinch to seal and place in the baking dish. Melt butter in a small saucepan and stir in the sugar and cinnamon. Pour over the apple dumplings. Pour Mountain Dew over the dumplings. Bake for 35 to 45 minutes in the preheated oven, or until golden brown.

That high-fructose corn syrup is just so dang versatile.

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