White polyester suit with appropriate trouser bulge? Check. Open-neck black shirt with collar the size of pterodactyl wing? Check. Massive retro bling-bling? Check. Floor-length velvet coat with faux fur trim? Deee-lish. Sporting this wardrobe, you're either ready to star in a new Snoop video, or you're ready to scope the action at HUSH on All Saints' Eve.Bayou City costume stores are reporting that micro-miniskirts, skin-tight halter tops and feather boas are flying off the shelves. It would seem that the recent noise from the New York Times op-ed page about how celebrating the pimp-and-hooker lifestyle reflects badly on American society hasn't made it this far south.
Extra props go to HUSH for getting West Coast funkmeisters Digital Underground (the folks who brought us "Doowutchyalike" and "Humpty Dance") to perform along with house DJs Cut Creator and DJ X-Ray. George Clinton owes a big part of his resurgence in popularity in the '90s to DU sampling the shit out of Parliament-Funkadelic tunes. DU co-founder Shock-G took it to the extreme with his stuttering stage persona, Humpty Hump, who wore fake Groucho glasses and schnozz.
We just hope the DU vibe smoothes the way for the pimps who show up to groove on HUSH's sunken dance floor, score a roll of those costume-contest Benjamins and meet the ho's of their dreams. 9 p.m. Friday, October 31. 15625 Katy Freeway. For information, call 713-330-4874. $15 to $50. -- Greg Barr
BERRYHILL'S ABSOLUT CAPE COD
It was a dismal and dark afternoon, and I had fallen asleep watching Fatal Attraction. I awoke suddenly, the image of a cold, sharp knife coming down on me in my bed. Stumbling out into the Houston night, I pulled into the parking lot of Berryhill Hot Tamales (1717 Post Oak Boulevard, 713-871-8226) and headed straight to the bar. The bartender was full of suggestions, but I craved something strong and simple. "Make me an Absolut cape cod," I offered in a quivering, shaky voice. The bar was quiet, its only other patrons a man and woman that looked like they'd just wandered off a Milan fashion runway. They spoke to each other in hushed whispers, pausing every few minutes to sip their drinks and run their fingers through each other's hair. I stared at them, envying their ability to avoid the thought of boiling bunnies. The bartender asked if I wanted a drink, but I was staring off into space. "Buddy, I asked if you wanted another?" Another drink, yes. Another afternoon with a psychotic Glenn Close -- not a chance.
1-3/4 ounces Absolut vodka
1 ounce cranberry juice
In an old-fashioned glass filled with ice, measure out vodka and top off with juice. Garnish with lime wedge. -- J.W. Crooker
Whine and Dine
Downtown used to be cool. Sure, it was full of bums and slums, but its underground clubs and dingy bars lent an urban flavor to the sanitized suburbs of this sprawling city. But then alternative went pop. A new crew of clubs moved in, each with its own hip theme and eager touts. Starting this weekend, the eateries along Main Street are opening their doors for cafe seating and strolling entertainers. This move is bound to give downtown H-town a real Kemah vibe. But hey, it's still an opportunity to check out plenty of "augmented" hotties. 4 p.m. on Fridays and 7 p.m. on Saturdays. Main Street between Congress and Capitol. For information, call 713-630-0741. Free. -- Keith Plocek
Leader of the Pack
We're Texas. We don't think much of the rest of the planet. Example: The folks at the Art Car Museum took it upon themselves to move the date for World Art Car Day to this weekend. And the rest of the Art Car Nation can join the caravan or suck our fumes -- after all, it's our privilege as the undisputed Art Car Capital of the World. This year's festivities include a children's workshop and several parades down Heights Boulevard. Saturday, November 1. Workshop: Noon to 4 p.m. Art Car Museum, 140 Heights Boulevard. Parades: 4:30 p.m. and 9 p.m. Heights Boulevard between 14th and 19th streets. For information, call 713-861-5526 or visit www.houstonartcar klub.com. Free. -- Keith Plocek