Hand Doc and Strippers

WHATEVER

Hand Doc & Strippers
Brown paid $60K per month, one says

By Craig Malisow

Attention hot 20-year-old strippers: Have you ever wondered what it'd be like to date a famous Houston doctor? Namely, one who pledges to treat you "like family"? Well, according to one gal we spoke with, it's quite the gig.

Our peek into the dating life of former hand surgeon/man-about-town-now-that-his-GPS-ankle-bracelet-is-off Michael Brown came when someone sent us a pic of the doc and ex-gal pal Ashley Brouillette, posted on tabloid site thedirty.com.

Brouillette, better known as Stacy Shey, strips at clubs around the country and, until recently, starred on an eponymous site where subscribers could watch her pleasure herself with various fingers and objects. (The site appears to be defunct, but if you Google her, you can find a bounty of porntastic goodness.)

Brouillette told us she dated Brown from December 2010 to August 2011, and met him through a fellow dancer at Treasures. She says the good doctor paid her a $15,000 monthly stipend in exchange for not stripping during their time together, also forking out $25,000 for some cosmetic dentistry. She says Brown never went to Treasures himself, but instead dispatched a faithful manservant to procure talent. (Brouillette says Brown took care of three other strippers in the same fashion at the same time, thus paying $60,000 a month for female company.)

She says Brown was never abusive and never acted strange, and that the relationship was more than just physical.

"He would tell me he loved me," she says.

As for his past relationships, Brouillette says, Brown claimed that former wife Darlina tried to shoot him, and he characterized estranged wife Rachel as a "crackhead whore that cheated on him....He made it seem like he was innocent in everything."

Additionally, Brouillette says, "He made it out to where he said they [Rachel and Darlina] were crazy." And really, if you can't trust a guy who loses his medical license and drops five figures a month on strippers, who can you trust? (Brown and his attorneys have a long-standing no-comment policy when it comes to the Houston Press — go figure — so they were not contacted for this story.)

The couple spent time at suites at the Four Seasons and Hotel ZaZa, as well as his Normangee ranch, according to Brouillette. She also says Brown took her to Miami and Atlanta. But then, last August, the tryst ended abruptly and without explanation, she says.

To put this in context, this May-December romance would have blossomed four months after he was charged with assaulting Rachel Brown — a charge for which he was acquitted in September 2011.

Oddly, defense attorney Dick DeGuerin accused Rachel Brown during that trial of outlandish expenses. That said, we can't fault Brown, as $60K/month for the company of barely-out-of-teens-T-and-A seems to be the market rate.

In other news, a woman has sued Brown, claiming he knowingly gave her anal and vaginal herpes.
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SPORTS

The 5 Most Annoying Sports-Event Tweeters

By Jeff Balke

With the Texans in the NFL playoffs, the streams of twittering Houstonians were likely filled with posts about the games. Like people who tweet during any live event, there were insightful moments, irritating moments and downright stupid moments. Reading Twitter was like going through a gauntlet, like Arian Foster slicing through the Cincinnati defensive line only a lot less pretty.

Unfortunately, following Twitter during a sporting event is a lot like listening to sports-talk radio. One second, I'm nodding my head in agreement and the next, I'm ripping out my car stereo and heaving it into the bayou. It's expensive but effective. I've identified the five most annoying types of tweeters who post during sporting events and here we go.

5. The Over-Analyzer

I'm not talking about guys who really know their stuff. I mean people who think they really know their stuff. Whenever I see a guy tweet multiple times about the complexities of pass protection against blitzing defenses when the defense hasn't run a blitz in the entire quarter, my finger edges dangerously close to the un-follow button.

4. The Over-Reactor

I'll admit that there have been one or two times in my life I've been guilty of this one and if I had seen myself, I'd have un-followed me instantly, though that might cause a rip in the space-time continuum. Relax, Sparky, and let the game play out. You can scream "FIRE KUBIAK" all night long once the outcome of the game has been decided.

3. The Reporter

Look, I don't need you, Average Joe, to give me stats and highlights on every damn play. I follow, you know, actual sports guys for that kind of information. But thanks for letting me know that the free throw by LeBron James gives him 27 points when you just tweeted he had 26 ten seconds ago.

2. The Bad Sport

Your team lost. It sucks, I know. We've all been there. But, don't take to Twitter and cry about the team that just beat you. Have some grace, man, some dignity! And while we're at it, try being magnanimous when you win. There's nothing worse than a fan prancing around the Internet telling the losing team's fans to suck it...unless the losing team was the Cowboys.

1. The Sports Hater

I think we all get that there are more important things in this world than football — well, most of us, anyway. But, you don't see me bitching when you tweet all night about every step in the preparation of your perfect dinner or Dancing with the Stars or the 76th televised Republican debate. Twitter is the purest form of democracy. Everyone gets a say and if you don't like it, you don't have to look. But when you know that a game is on and you still decide to tell us all that the game we love is stupid and you just don't get it, you don't sound elevated or cool. You just sound bitter. It's why God invented un-follow.
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CRIME

She's 57, Sexing Teen in Van

By John Nova Lomax

Port Arthur police say they caught Emma Jean Hardy, a 57-year-old employee of the town's Memorial High School, having sex with a 17-year-old student in a van on a Sunday night.

According to published reports, a Port Arthur cop investigated a suspicious vehicle parked on the city's très romantique seawall near downtown. On looking inside, he claims to have seen Hardy engaging in sexual activities with the student.

Police say that Hardy was not a teacher at the school, and the school's Web site lists a Jean Hardy as its registrar.

Since the student is of legal age, Hardy is not charged with any form of statutory rape. Instead, she is charged with improper relationship between an educator and a student, a second-degree felony punishable by two to 20 years in prison. If convicted, she would not have to register as a sex offender.

The student himself was charged with public lewdness and was released after posting $250 bail.

Now that she's been charged with a crime, Hardy's Facebook page seems a little bit creepy.

It displays a woman obsessed with the sports teams at her high school, as well as the continuing careers of Port Arthur's college and pro athletes, and while there's nothing wrong with that, a young woman laughingly chided on the content of her folders thusly: "You and these Butt shots Mrs. Hardy!! I ♥ THEM! =)"

"Lol," came the registrar's response.

Elsewhere, Hardy can be seen celebrating with Memorial's players on the field after what looked like big wins. In those pics, the jolly-faced redhead looks like nothing so much as the world's oldest cheerleader ready for a post-game date with the star player.

Hardy also has more than 1,200 friends, many of whom seem to be either current students or recent graduates at her school. In short, she seems like a woman who wanted a do-over for her high school years, and if police are correct, that includes the lover's lane make-out sessions.

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