I was supposed to report on Peep science experiments. Wholesome, educational little activities for children that would teach important lessons about forming a hypothesis, recording data and analyzing results. But the more I looked into these "experiments," the more I realized that watching a Peep dissolve in vinegar was really just another form of Peep torture. So here you have it — the best of the worst — whether your weapon of choice is a nail gun, a Fresnel lens or the oh-so-boring vinegar bath, it's that time of year again.
You'll never look at your kitchen the same way again after this one. Nothing is sacred here: meat grinder, food processor, pasta maker and blow torch — they all mean one thing to those poor little marshmallow Peeps. And don't we all keep nail guns and slingshots in our pantry?
This is the kind of stuff we do at the Houston Press when the editor goes on vacation. From the Frankenstein transplant of placing a yellow Peep's head onto a pink Peep's body, to asking the business manager for a new microwave, there's plenty of fun to be had with sugary chicks. They float, too!
The sacrifices we make in the name of science. Apparently air pockets are what makes Peeps so fluffy and cute, but they're also their Achilles' heel. Peeps don't seem to have the same shape-shifting powers as The Hulk.
This overachiever spent quite a bit of time thinking up diabolical ways to kill a Peep. From toilets to boiling water (which works amazingly fast), he also proves the theory that the kitchen can be a very dangerous place.
We've all got a 50-watt laser around the house, right? This Peep torture is fast and efficient, but you might want to protect the kitchen table before you start the decapitation.
Technically this is a ghost Peep and not an Easter Peep, but we like the way this Peep smashes into a million smithereens after it's been frozen solid in liquid nitrogen. Nicely done.
More kitchen torture, this time at the hands of the food processor (watch it spin), rolling pin, Slap Chop™ (not as seen on TV), turned into Play-Doh, slicer and the ever acidic Coca-Cola.
Yes, folks. Eating a sugary bunny is a form of Peep torture. We're beginning to recognize a pattern here, too. The more time people spend thinking up ways to kill a Peep, the less time they spend on homework. Their spelling might not be perfect, but placing a Peep behind the wheel of a car is sheer directorial genius.
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We think this torturer may have electrocuted his brain a bit. We give the video a D for spelling but an A for imagination and set design (which incorporates cool same-scale toys). "Thankx" for sharing with us.
Fast and simple. Why not use the power of the sun, focused through a Fresnel lens, to fry these little critters? Kids, don't try this at home.