Seven Idiotic Ways Not to Use Fireworks This 4th of July (With Video Evidence)
This may look like it's all fun and games...
Everyone likes to burn stuff and watch it explode, right? Okay, well, some people do, which is why fireworks are so popular. They combine the fun of burning things with the excitement of blowing things up. It's like peanut butter and chocolate.
This Fourth of July, there are lots of dumb things you could do with your fireworks like blowing up mailboxes or firing rockets into a dry patch of drought-ravaged forest. We don't recommend these things, however, as they are both illegal and idiotic. In fact, we've come up with a list of things you should not do with fireworks this year with video evidence to prove what we mean.
Be safe, pyromaniacs!
7. Have a Roman candle war In Texas, we're pretty big on guns and shootin' stuff, but we do not generally recommend shooting people with guns or with Roman candles. You've been warned.
6. Tie a rocket to a string There's a certain kind of dumb that leads people to think that tying an incendiary device to a string and lighting it is a good idea. It isn't.5. Shoot fireworks from a roll of paper towels
Paper burns and last time we checked, paper towels are not stable enough to act as a rocket launcher. Watch and learn, boys and girls.
4. Lay rockets flat on the ground We will admit that, on occasion as kids, we may have laid a bottle rocket or two on the hard concrete. We may even have fired them in the direction of kids on bikes we hated. In fairness, we were also idiots.
3. Shoot things out of your ass Just because the guys from Jackass did it does not mean you should. It's called Jackass for a reason.2. Use fireworks indoors
We really hope this one is self-explanatory. Also, if possible, don't be drunk when you handle fireworks. We know you will be, but consider this a disclaimer.
1. Throw a bunch of fireworks in an open bonfire This is something that may, at first, seem like it could be awesome. In truth, it is -- really awesome -- but only to the people watching the video showing how you received third degree burns.
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you’ll never miss Houston Press' biggest stories.
- State Charges Forward With Licensing Immigration Lockups as Childcare Facilities
Fri., Feb. 19, 8:00pm
Sat., Feb. 20, 1:00pm
Sat., Feb. 20, 7:00pm
Sun., Feb. 21, 6:00pm
- Man Jumps Into Buffalo Bayou Downtown, Feared Dead
- Wanna Make Sure You're Never in a Ted Cruz Ad? Take Off Your Clothes