Time was that I thought 30 was old, but now with hearing that Jonathan Taylor Thomas is 30 himself today, I don’t know what to think. I turn 30 in less than two years. I didn’t realize that JTT was only two years older than me. That makes me sad, and happy.

Sad because I had just as cool hair as JTT in the ’90s, and had the same flannel wardrobe and flippant attitude, but I didn’t have those twinkling blue eyes or those dimples. Happy, because all those girls who plastered his posters on their walls now realize what men look like in reality. Hairy, slobby, humping creatures, a far cry from the Taylor family’s second born.

I spent about ten minutes searching for “hot” JTT photos, in fact typing “Jonathan Taylor Thomas hot” and “Jonathan Taylor Thomas sexy” into my Google search tool, forever tainting me as some sort of retro pedophile. I might as well look for some sweet Christopher Knight and or Leonardo DiCaprio circa-Growing Pains press stills to seal the deal.

This one is for the girls, and some of the boys, who grew up with posters of JTT on their walls, imagining marrying him one day and becoming a hotshot magazine editor and having five kids in a mansion in Los Angeles next to Brad Pitt’s house, and having Coolio play your wedding, with a never-ending closet full of shoes, like Cher from Clueless.

BONUS FACTS ABOUT JTT FROM 1995:

Real Name: Jonathan Taylor Weiss

Nickname: JT, as Tim Allen calls him, or JTT, which the fan magazines have dubbed him. Family and friends just say Jonathan — no one calls him Jon or Jonny.

Hair & Eye Color: Blond, blue

Height, weight: 5′, 80 lbs. — and growing every day.

Pets: Mac is the dog; Sami & Simba are the Himala­yan cats — Sami is Simba’s mom.

Lives now: In a split-level three-bedroom house in the San Fernando Valley section of Los Angeles.

In his room: Jonathan keeps his baseball and basket­ball card collections; sports trophies, fishing gear, and sentimental memorabilia. Posters of sports stars, ocean scenes and the “Boulevard of Broken Dreams” cover his walls.

Colors: Blue and turquoise

Actors: Robert De Niro, Anthony Hopkins, Jodie Foster, Glenn Close

Food: Vegetarian, pastas, artichokes, Caesar and Greek salads

Fruit: Honeydew and cantaloupe

Drink: Milk

Sports: Fly-fishing, roller hockey, tennis, baseball, basketball, football, boxing

Athletes: Michael Jordan, Larry Bird

Music: Boyz II Men, Shai, Silk, Billy Joel

Music he’s not into: Alternative or rap

TV shows: Grace Under Fire, Roseanne, Fresh Prince of Bel Air, anything on C-SPAN and — ironically, since it’s on opposite Home Improvement — Frasier. Also, sports events (especially anything on ESPN).

Movies: Forrest Gump, What’s Eating Gilbert Grape and “movies that keep you on the edge of your seat — that are never boring.”

Showbiz friends: Jenna von Oy, Carol Ann Plante

Person living or dead he’d most like to meet: Abra­ham Lincoln

Secret: He’s prone to migraine headaches.

Worst problem in our country today: “AIDS. I just pray this whole thing will end soon. It’s already plagued too many of our people.”

Girlfriend? No

UPDATE: Here’s a link to some newer pictures of the Home Improvement cast, featuring Patricia Richardson and Debbe Dunning, because holy shit they just got better as they aged. Oh, and JTT is in there too.

This article appears in Sep 8-14, 2011.