Title: Dracula
Describe This Movie Using One Simpsons Quote:
LISA: Dad, do you notice anything strange?
HOMER: Yeah, his hairdo looks so queer.
MR. BURNS: I heard that!
HOMER: It was the boy!
Brief Plot Synopsis: Dracula: Dead and Not Loving It.
Rating Using Random Objects Relevant To The Film: 3.5 Lauren Huttons out of 5.
Tagline: “Love never dies.”
Better Tagline: “Really? We’re doing this again?”
Not So Brief Plot Synopsis: When his beloved Elisabeta (Zoë Bleu) is killed while he’s off fighting the Ottomans, Wallachian prince Vladimir (Caleb Landry Jones) does what any grieving paramour would. He renounces God and is cursed to undeath. 400 years later, and after countless attempts to find a reincarnated Elisabeta, Vladimir thinks he might have unearthed (heh) her in Mina Murray. Will he rekindle his lost love? Or will that meddling, vampire-hunting Priest (Christoph Waltz) put an end to his quest?
“Critical” Analysis: By my estimation, there are an average of ten Dracula movies released every year. No need to check my math, I’m a professional. Recent films of note include 2024’s Nosferatu and last year’s deeply weird movie from Radu Jude, also called Dracula. The latest is from Luc Besson, director of La Femme Nikita, Leon: The Professional, and those weird Arthur movies. His foray into the public domain will remind a lot of people of a certain other version, but it still manages to hold its own.
That other version is, of course, Bram Stoker’s Dracula, directed by Francis Ford Coppola. That movie was possibly more famous for casting Keanu Reeves in the lead. But it also leaned into the idea that our second favorite Count was really just pining for his lost love. Besson — to put it charitably — borrows a lot from BSD while carving out an unhinged niche of his own.
Vladimir and Elisabeta are clearly in love, as established by the fact they can’t even get through a meal without banging. The prince’s grief after her loss is such that he abandons his faith, kills the local bishop, and becomes a vampire for his troubles. Sound familiar? The “good” news is: Besson swerves away from Coppola in favor of pillaging some other cinematic properties.
Take the perfume Vladimir develops to attract women during his search. The storyline bears more than a passing resemblance to Tom Twyker’s Perfume: The Story of a Murderer. The scene where Vladimir seduces an entire convent? Look up Ken Russell’s The Devils. In fairness, Dracula movies rely on the filmmakers’ willingness to reinterpret the myth. Luckily, Besson has no problem aiming for a lighter, romantic tone.
And just to get it out of the way, none of this “lost love” bullshit is supported by the source material. Every villain has to have an origin story nowadays, I swear.
Besson’s Dracula stands out mostly because of its playfulness. Landry Jones gets plenty of chances to chew the scenery and does so with gusto (and an almost comical Wallachian accent). Matilda De Angelis plays Maria (this film’s version of Lucy Westenra) as a vampire who seriously enjoys her “curse.” And Waltz’s Priest is our Van Helsing, who’s less as a crusader against evil and more a sardonic bureaucrat. Mina/Elisabeta is also rather unique, being less wishful thinking on Drac’s part and an actual reincarnation who … maybe isn’t against the idea of rejoining her undead beloved?
I admit, I expected Dracula to annoy me. Besson’s recent lackluster track record notwithstanding, it sounded too reminiscent of the Coppola movie, which I’ve never been a big fan of. But where that film is unintentionally goofy, this Dracula leans into it. It also boasts some of the most impressive production design and costuming I’ve seen in a while. Besson went all out to create tangible sets and luxurious ensembles. Historically accurate? Probably not, but I’ll be damned if they aren’t gorgeous to look at.
There are several high points in vampire cinema throughout history. There’s the classic Universal period, the Hammer years, the ’80s run of Fright Night, The Lost Boys, and Near Dark, among others, on up to the new wave of movies like Let The Right One In and Only Lovers Left Alive. It all comes back to the Count, though. And Besson’s Dracula joins superior recent efforts like the aforementioned Nosferatu and The Last Voyage of the Demeter. It’s nowhere near those in tone, but it’s still an enjoyable fang. I mean, hang.
Oh, like you’ve never used bat puns.
Dracula is in theaters today.