Astros Media Day Kicks Off 2012 Season — 5 Early Storylines
In sandlot football growing up, we always had a saying after touchdowns that “losers walk,” meaning the team that scored stays at that end of he field to kick off and the “losers” on defense have to march to the other end of the field to receive. So it’s probably…
And Here’s Glass The Sky, Indie-Rock Group/Clarinet Enthusiasts
Each Wednesday, Rocks Off arbitrarily appoints one lucky local performer or group “Artist of the Week,” bestowing upon them all the fame and grandeur such a lofty title implies. Know a band or artist that isn’t awful? Email their particulars to sheaserrano@gmail.com. This is Glass The Sky. They are a…
Ted Dwayne Stevens: Taped Himself Raping Woman with Beer Bottle
A Houston man liked to rape a woman with a beer bottle and tape himself doing it, investigators say. Ted Dwayne Stevens, 46, has been charged with sexual assault, media reports say. Investigators told reporters that Stevens had an ongoing sexual relationship with the woman. Apparently that relationship wasn’t enough,…
Kinky Songs Get the Dayton Treatment
In our recent interview with Kinky Friedman, performing tonight at Dosey Doe in the Woodlands, we mulled over Jesse Dayton’s on-going project of an album of Friedman’s songs. Friedman was very enthusiastic. “The last time we talked, Jesse had already done the basic tracks for eight songs,” said Friedman. “I…
Five Years After Her Death, Great Photos Of Anna Nicole Smith (Sorta-SFW)
It was five years ago today that model, actress, reality star, and would be millionaire widow Anna Nicole Smith passed away in Miami at the age of 39 due to a drug overdose. She left behind a baby daughter, Dannielynn. She was preceded in death by her son Daniel. The…
Pollo Campero’s Got a Brand New Bag (of Chicken)
I grew up eating at the old-school Pollo Campero on Bellaire Boulevard, the fast-food chicken joint featuring a bright-yellow chick with a sombrero on its head and a plate of fried chicken in its hand. The logo is one of the most gleeful celebrations of cannibalism since the Victorian-era Cochon…
We Heart Houston — and All of Its Food, Too
What’s not to eat in Houston? That’s the question we pose in this week’s cover story, “We Love Food.” The answer — in case you hadn’t already guessed — is very little. There is virtually no cuisine you can’t find in Houston, and most of what you find is very…
Reality Bites: MonsterQuest
There are a million reality shows on the naked television. We’re going to watch them all, one at a time. Admittedly, the concept of MonsterQuest initially struck me as woefully similar to that of…certain other reality shows, in that I was sure we’d be following around a bunch of yahoos…
Machaca Fresh from the Source: Los Corrales
If you’ve ever enjoyed machacado con huevo for breakfast in Houston, you’ve probably had machaca from Los Corrales. The family-run factory in the East End has been producing only two products since 1990: dried beef and shredded dried beef, both interchangeably referred to as machaca. Los Corrales distributes its dried…
Ain’t Nobody Better: The LL Cool J Valentine’s Day Playlist
Once upon a time, LL Cool J was merely a Kangol wearing rapper who aimed for the ladies long before urban radio knew of such things from rappers. Now, he’s on CBS Tuesdays on an NCIS spinoff and is hosting The Grammys this year. Not bad for someone I thought…
16th Annual African American Artists Exhibit Welcomes Black History Month
Tony McMillian’s plaster of Paris and acrylic mixed-media piece sticks out like a sore fist, which isn’t strange, since that’s exactly what it is. In the middle of the Community Artists’ Collective’s opening reception for the 16th Annual African American Artists exhibit on Friday, February 3, the clenched brown hand…
In Ten Years, Will Indie Be Remembered Like Nu-Metal?
What exactly do you remember from the summer of 2002? Stop and think — of the music on the radio, the CDs you were most excited for, who won the Grammy for Best Album, and so on. What exactly stands out from 10 years ago? If you find that your…
Chef Chat, Part 1: Kevin Naderi of Roost
It’s not often that a small restaurant becomes an instant hit, but from what I could see on a busy Tuesday night with a small line forming at the door, neighborhood eatery Roost possesses everything it needs to make it — a small, cozy space; warm, friendly service; and well-priced,…
Houston’s Red-Light Camera Nightmare Is Finally Over
It’s a day that many thought would never come: The end of Houston’s turbulent, farcical red-light camera circus. City Council voted today to approve a $4.8 million settlement with American Traffic Solutions, the company that has been sore ever since Houstonians voted to remove the hated devices. The cameras, which…
Remember Crash?: Past Best Picture Winners That Time Forgot
Each year, there are Best Picture winners at the Oscars. Some of them go down in history as some of the most beloved and re-watched films of all-time, like Forrest Gump, The Silence of the Lambs, Rain Man, Rocky, Annie Hall, the first two Godfather pictures and even Gone with…
Roosevelt Lounge Back In The Headlines, And Not In A Good Way
ANOTHER UPDATE: Read about two eyewitness accounts of the incident, as told to Rocks Off’s Shea Serrano Wednesday. UPDATE: Activist Quannell X is organizing a protest in front of Roosevelt at 4 p.m. Sunday afternoon, Fox’s Isiah Carey reports. Two apparently unrelated incidents at Roosevelt Lounge over the weekend have…
First Look at Uchi Houston
I wasn’t the only food writer at Uchi last night — local writers and bloggers were scattered throughout the restaurant. When I got home, at least half a dozen Tweeps were abuzz over their dining experience. The consensus: amazing food, incredible service, and a bit of shock and horror over…
Donnicia Venters: Lactation Not Related to Pregnancy, Houston Federal Judge Rules
U.S. District Judge Lynn Hughes is likely about to become the butt of Internet merriment with the news of a recent decision. He’ll also be pissing off breast-feeding moms, and that is one group you do not want to cross, as many companies and entities have discovered to their dismay…
Linsanity: Little-Known Jeremy Lin Helping Knicks Hurt the Rockets
Daryl Morey’s incessant shuffling of second-rate players over the past few seasons, constantly tweaking and tinkering looking for “assets,” came to an almost comical head last week when a player the Rockets cut in the offseason to make room for Jonny Flynn, who they acquired from Minnesota, came to the…
Five Pieces Under $50 to Spice Up Your Wardrobe
It has been one weird winter here in Houston, with few days cold enough to warrant a coat but many warm enough to reach for shorts and sundresses. In the middle of this weather-less wasteland, one hardly knows which season to shop for, and yet we have felt the need…
Stunt-Casting A More Modern Disney Soundtrack
The other night I watched Beauty and the Beast for the first time in roughly forever. I was shocked by two things: How much of the plot I had forgotten, and how many of the songs I remembered. It’s like that for most Disney classics: I can’t tell you what…
Late Nite Pie Burns Down Overnight
A fire that started 45 minutes after Late Night Pie closed last night at 3 a.m. burned the pizza joint nearly to the ground. ABC-13 reported that the restaurant had suffered major damage as a result of the fire, which the Houston Fire Department battled for three hours. Public reaction…
Charlie the Dog Is Saved!
We told you earlier about Wes Covington, a resident of northwest Harris County who was burglarized. Thieves made off with custom-made guitars — one signed by Buddy Guy — but, more importantly, Covington’s dog Charlie went missing. Either the thieves took the boxer, or the dog escaped through the door…
Laura Lark’s “The Liveable Forest” Opens This Weekend at Devin Borden Gallery
When Art Attack contacted Laura Lark for a phone interview, she answered the call with one hand while holding a 2012 calendar full of images of hamsters in the other. This is completely fitting, seeing that Lark’s art, in her words, “Deals with societal impulse and natural impulse and how…
Brew Blog: Shiner Wild Hare Pale Ale
Shiner Bock used to be one of my go-to beers. This was early in my drinking life, and I think the perceived cachet of a Texas Beer was part of the allure. Though my tastes have changed significantly, largely leaving Shiner behind, the brewery still holds a special place in…
Love is the Answer: Ten Classic Light Rock Tunes on Dan Seals’ Birthday
Today would have been the 64th birthday of Dan Seals, one half of England Dan and John Ford Coley, the songwriting duo that had a big hit with “I’d Really Love to See You Tonight” and a minor one with “Love is the Answer.” He also had a string of…
Shadowlands at Texas Rep: Enthralling Theater
The setup: The British writer and intellectual C.S. Lewis, a confirmed bachelor, finds love can come late in life, as he befriends and falls in love with the American poet Joy Gresham. The execution: Tall bookcases rise like cathedral spires on the handsome, flexible set, so many and so splendid…
A Plea for the Perfect Patty: Bring P. Terry’s to Houston
P. Terry’s in Austin, TX truly showcases what a burger should be.
Comment of the Day: Cocking a Shotgun? Grow a Pair, Houston
We have some great commenters here on Hair Balls, and it’s time we paid some damn attention to them. So we’ll be highlighting a Comment of the Day each morning, from the previous day’s work. Maybe two comments, even. This will all be determined by a highly rigorous scientific formula…
Local Musicians, Up Early, Remember Late Nite Pie
Correction: Per the commenters, Late Nite Pie originally opened in the early 2000s, not the late ’90s. Midtown pizza restaurant Late Nite Pie burned some time after closing in the wee hours of Wednesday morning. ABC13.com reported that the popular post-show destination suffered “major damage” and that Houston Fire Department…
Supreme Cinderella-Like Dysfunction Reigns in Gay-Related Lufkin Sibling Steak-Knife Stabbing
Family dysfunction and domestic disharmony are kind of our stocks-in-trade, but this sick twist on a Cinderella story out of Lufkin shocks even us in its callousness. According to KTRE, on Friday evening 18-year-old Xavier Walker was berating his 17-year-old sister Shakira Walker because of her sexual orientation. So there’s…
The 4 Most Inappropriate Relationships in Children’s Television
As mentioned before, we reproduced, and trust us when we say that we love our little girl with all of our hearts. However, we are getting to the end of our rope when it comes to all the children’s television we’re forced to watch in order to placate the littlest…
Unfollow: The Five Fastest Ways to Get Spammed on Twitter
Over the past week or two, I’ve conducted a kind of experiment to see who will spam me when I post things on Twitter. I have been baiting spammers into sending me replies to my blatant requests for information about iPads or sex. It’s really kind of hilarious to watch…
Young Magic: Body Doodles and the Sadness of the Sea
We don’t know a whole lot about Young Magic. They were just another one of the bands we get press releases on every day. However, we’re music-video obsessed, and when anybody, anywhere sends us a video we watch it. In this case, it was their song “Night in the Ocean”…
Sampler Plate: This Week in Food Blogs
Dude, You Going to Eat That?: Adjectives on menus serve a much larger purpose than simply describing the food you’re about to eat, says Dr. Ricky. Instead, he writes, they’re “mostly a function of manipulating expectations” and driving up prices, which is exceptionally easy when you consider that many people…
100 Creatives 2012: Mary Margaret Hansen
What She Does: Mary Margaret Hansen is one of those enviable hyphenates — she identifies as an artist, a writer, a blogger, a photographer and a collaborator. She’s also a mother, a crocheter, a cultural anthropologist, a community advocate and, fiercely, an East Ender. In fact, until recently, the artist…
Skylab IV Splashed Down on This Day: Five Things the Most Complaining Space Crew Ever Bitched About
Skylab IV splashed down on this day in 1974, ending the last mission to America’s first space station. They were glad to get home. The crew of Skylab IV — William Pogue, Gerald Carr and Edward Gibson — became famous for the sheer amount of complaining they did. Arguments with…
One Man’s NBA All-Star Reserve Selections
Go ahead and chalk up the NBA All-Star Game taking place in a few weeks (Sunday, February 26, to be exact) in Orlando’s Amway Center as the next “feels weird” moment of the NBA season. It feels like the season just tipped off a few weeks ago and yet here…
Jason Lont: Katy High Theater Director Accused of Sexual Conduct with 15-Year-Old Boy
A theater director at Katy High has been charged with sexual assault of a child in relation to a 15-year-old boy the man allegedly met via Grindr, a gay-hookup app. Jason Lont, 35, who is listed as an assistant theater director on the school’s Web site, has been charged with…
Distant Early Warning: Dick Dale, Gemma Ray, Lincoln Durham, William Shatner, Meshuggah
Active Child, Balam Acab, Superhumanoids: Sat., May 5. Fitzgerald’s, 2706 White Oak Bastard Sons Of Johnny Cash: Thu., March 8. Continental Club, 3700 Main Battery (Metallica Tribute): Mon., April 16. Scout Bar Clear Lake, 18307 Egret Bay Blvd. Black Market Syndicate, The American Heist, Dead To The World: Sat., April…
Scramble: Can You Guess the Restaurant?
How well do you know Houston restaurants? Do you know them well enough to identify them with just a quick glance at their sign? How about well enough to identify them with only a snippet of their sign visible? On the following pages are tightly cropped signs/logos from 20 of…
John “Steven” Stark: The FBI Defends Calling This Dude “Tall, Dark & Handsome” (UPDATED)
De gustibus non est disputandum, as they say in Latin, which basically means some people’s taste sucks but there’s no sense arguing with them about it. But we had to take issue with the FBI declaring bank robber John “Steven” Stark, pictured above, as being “tall, dark and handsome.” Stark,…
Gexa Energy Broadway at the Hobby Center Announces Its 2012-2013 Season
Gexa Energy Broadway at the Hobby Center announces its 2012-2013 season and it’s a bit of a yawner. The company is playing it safe with six familiar shows that are sure to provoke polite applause, but no criticism. First is Disney’s Beauty and the Beast (September 25 to 30, 2012)…
Let’s Get High: Reggie Picks Six Great Songs About Weed
The hip-hop world is a less than sensible place – lots of times, you’re even required to clarify when bad means bad and when bad means good – so once a week we’re going to get with a rapper and ask them to explain things. Something you always wanted to…
Wine of the Week: A Red That Lasts for Days
After what’s your favorite wine?, the question that I get asked the most at wine tastings and seminars is how do you make wine last after you’ve opened the bottle? My initial answer is drink good wine: Wine with high acidity will last longer once opened; acidity is one of…
The Jesus And Mary Chain Hitting Houston On March 13 During SXSW Swing
Known best for their 1985 album, Psychocandy, the Jesus And Mary Chain have been called one of the most influential British bands of the ’80s. With the wall of crushing reverb, drenched in pop hookiness, their sound foretold bands like the beloved My Bloody Valentine, the cultish Black Rebel Motorcycle…
NBC’s Smash Just Might Be a Hit
Smash, the newest hopeful for an NBC success, premiered last night, and the Peacock network may have a potential hit on their hands. The show attempts to capitalize on America’s latest (returned) obsession with the musical genre and has brought in some heavy hitters to assist. That it’s produced by…
La La Love You: Top Ten Cheesiest Love Songs For Valentine’s Day
It’s that time of year again. Everything is red and full of hearts. Chocolates and roses are marked up. Couples are showing off and singles are desperately searching online dating services for a quick set-up to give them their own special day. That’s right, it’s about to be Valentine’s Day!…
Tuesday February 7, 2012 Deals of the Day
This week’s Houston Press Voice Daily Deal is good for 50 percent off ($7 for $14) of the award-winning food at Los Dos Amigos. Los Dos Amigos is home to the delectable enchiladas that made Katharine Shilcutt’s “100 Best Dishes of 2011” list. The restaurant has won many other awards,…
Patricia Aguilar: Juvenile Probation Officer Busted for Blowing Boot Camp Cadet
For one delinquent Rio Grande Valley juvenile, a sentence to boot camp was transformed into a ticket to a dream hummer holiday. Somehow we don’t think this was what the juvenile criminal justice system had in mind for the unidentified 17-year-old boy…. According to Cameron County Sheriff Omar Lucio, Patricia…
Drum Kit From Hell: With Bill Ward Out, 5 Replacement Drummers For Black Sabbath
Black Sabbath’s big reunion plans seem to be cursed. First, guitarist and the only consistent member of the band Tony Iommi was diagnosed with lymphoma. Then they had to drop out of playing Coachella due to Iommi’s diagnosis. The latest speed bump for them is that last week founding drummer…
The Drunken City at Rice University: An Amusing Romp
The setup: Three gals and three guys, all late twenties, meet by chance on the streets of New York in the wee hours of the morning after a night of drinking, and seek to negotiate the shoals of relationships, some ending and some beginning. The execution: Playwright Adam Bock must…
Foodies, Your Photo Show Is Here
Alex Gregg is not only an award-winning bartender at Anvil; he is also a professional photographer, and he recently put his skills to work last October at the very popular Les Sauvages Supper Club dinners. The fruits of his labor are now on display at Catalina Coffee on Washington Avenue…
“Marcus Hertz” Tries to Sell a Rental Car on Craigslist
Who would know better about a slightly used car than a guy named “Marcus Hertz”? He’s probably devoted his entire life to helping out drivers who need a temporary ride. Alas, the Marcus Hertz trying to sell a 2011 Nissan Altima on Craiglist turned out to be two Houston dudes…
Friday Night Downtown at Azuma Sushi & Robata Bar
I’m all for a sushi and sake night, so when a few of my friends invited my man and I out to Azuma’s downtown location last Friday, we didn’t even blink an eye before jumping in a cab and heading to meet them. It was a gorgeous night and our…
Van Halen’s A Different Kind Of Truth: A Track-By-Track Breakdown
First off, Van Halen’s first album in 14 years, A Different Kind Of Truth is – in the words of my friend Lisa – “better than it should be.” And I agree. The guys could have slacked off on this and coasted on their legend – however possibly tarnished in…
Jack Donaghy: Executive Superhero and Web Exclusive’s General Lack of Appeal
NBC recently debuted an animated Web tie-in series for 30 Rock called either The Jack Donaghy Files or Jack Donaghy: Executive Superhero. The titles appear to be interchangeable, which really highlights the level of commitment and confidence the network has in the production. The three-minute segments are based on the…
Five Great Middle Finger Moments In Music History
Monday morning, the Internet was awash in consternation and jpegs after M.I.A. flashed her middle finger during Madonna’s Super Bowl halftime performance Sunday, meaning Janet Jackson is finally off the hook after all these years. To be honest, Rocks Off watched the entire halftime show and must have been reaching…
HPD Really Wants to Enforce the Noise Ordinance, According to This Shotgun-Cocking Video (UPDATED)
New video and HPD response in the update. This YouTube video was taken at a Houston Free Thinkers Free Show, and, according to the person who posted it, it’s what happened when HPD showed up to investigate a noise complaint. It appears to show an HPD officer cocking a shotgun…
Southern Discomfort: Kinky On the Road
The one-liners come out of Kinky Friedman’s mouth so fast you need a protective shield. “The only thing Rick Perry managed to do with his Presidential campaign was to make George W. look like Thomas ‘Fucking’ Jefferson.” “Real people don’t get into politics. The only people who get into politics…
@DadBoner Is Not Real, But His Recipes Are…Now
“I’m so glad @DadBoner is live-Tweeting the Super Bowl,” I mindlessly told my boyfriend this past Sunday over a spread of food and beer too large for the two of us. Maybe it was all of the sodium, sugar and alcohol coursing through me that night, but I was finding…
The Best Downton Abbey-Themed Tumblrs
If you like him/her you should put a ring on it, and if you like a celebrity/TV show you should make a Tumblr about it. Officially four episodes into the second season of Downton Abbey, we Yankees have become passionately dedicated to this upstairs-downstairs highbrow soap about early twentieth-century England…
Madonna Playing Toyota Center October 24
After her mostly praised Super Bowl XLVI halftime performance – aside from that whole M.I.A. middle-finger thing – Madonna will perform at Toyota Center on Wednesday, October 24, Live Nation announced this morning. Tickets go on sale at 10 a.m. Monday, February 27, at the usual outlets: livenation.com, toyotacentertix.com, “most”…
Dirty Honey’s Brett Koshkin Talks About His Noise Ordinance Ticket
DJ Brett Koshkin spins old soul and R&B ’45s the first Saturday of every month at Boondocks. We’re not talking loud, bass-heavy, glowstick-friendly LOL drunk gurl stuff. His monthly “Dirty Honey” sets at Boons, featuring beautiful vinyl slabs by artists like ZZ Hill, Rufus Wood, and Clifton White, are the…
Fast Times: Sausage, Cheese, and Jalapeno Kolache from Christy’s
I’m pretty much a kolache novice. Before my experience Sunday morning (after a crazy trip to cover/shop the Jason Wu for Target event) I had had exactly two kolaches: a pumpkin-filled one from Sinfull Bakery and a random kolache my husband bought me when I was drunk, the contents of…
Riverdance Winds Down Its U.S. Tour With a Stop in Houston
It was 1996 and Padraic Moyles was sitting in Radio City Music Hall when he got his first glimpse of Riverdance, which was just breaking out to world acclaim. An Irish dancer himself, he decided he had to be part of the mesmerizing, finely coordinated lines of dancers with their…
Comment of the Day: God & Josh Hamilton
We have some great commenters here on Hair Balls, and it’s time we paid some damn attention to them. So we’ll be highlighting a Comment of the Day each morning, from the previous day’s work. Maybe two comments, even. This will all be determined by a highly rigorous scientific formula…
Google Auto-Complete Answers: How Stupid…
Randomly typing the start to questions into Google launches a whole host of weirdness that changes depending upon the searches people type into the search engine giant. Not only are they often interesting, but down right strange. I type in the requests and then answer the questions. You’re welcome. It’s…
Pop Rocks: So Who’s Going to Perform at Next Year’s Super Bowl Halftime Show?
If Janet Jackson’s nip slip in 2004 threw ice water on the practice of using current entertainers for Super Bowl halftimes, M.I.A.’s middle finger salute dumped it in the Bering Sea. Finally, after eight years of K. Billy’s Sounds of the ’70s and Pete Townshend’s belly (which somehow didn’t draw…
We Get It, Twitter: (Not) All the Tweets About Tom Brady Having Sex with Gisele Bundchen
The Twitter world blew up when Gisele Bundchen, supermodel wife of not-so-super QB Tom Brady, endearingly defended her man to boorish Giant fans, throwing his teammates under the bus in the process. But that is apparently not the most important thing to know about Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen. The…
Gothic Council Legitimizes Gothic Porn as Art (NSFW)
This debate starts, as many debates do, with your humble narrator taking a poop. Our usual bathroom reading fair is Lovecraft, the Fountainhead by Ayn Rand, and our own Liisa Ladoucuer’s Encyclopedia Gothica. No book is better for suited for a quick, random flip-through than her exhaustive list of all…
Where Are We Drinking?
I honestly think this might be a photo from someone’s engagement session; I have no idea. But the photographer dropped it in the Houston Press Flickr pool so IT’S FAIR GAME. Think you know where this lovely couple is posing and not drinking those delicious martinis in front of them?…
Top 5 Old School Video Game Adaptations of Modern Hollywood
We talk a lot about video games here because they’ll pay us to do so and holy crap that sentence gets more awesome every single time we type it. Even though we’ve finally grown up and embraced the complete awesomeness of seventh-gen systems and the photorealistic magic and being of…
Randy Travis’s Arrest: Five Other Country-Music Arrests That Sound Like Country Songs
Randy Travis’s arrest sounded like nothing more than the opening verse to a country song. The singer is drunk, late at night outside a Baptist church, drinking wine out of the bottle. If that doesn’t set you up for a redemptive last verse after you’ve called to mind going to…
Douglas Demmon: Former National Park Ranger Convicted of Child Porn
National Park Rangers are an American icon, with their Smokey-Bear hats, green uniforms and eagerness to help everyone enjoy the great outdoors. And then there are the Park Rangers like Galveston’s Douglas Demmon, who has entered a guilty plea on charges of distributing child porn. Demmon, 65, is retired from…
Super Bowl XLVI: Gisele Bundchen Is NOT Happy with the Patriot Receivers (w/ VIDEO)
A good woman stands by her man. Prior to Super Bowl XLVI on Sunday, Gisele Bundchen, supermodel and wife of Patriots quarterback Tom Brady, e-mailed a prayer request out to many of her close friends and family: “My sweet friends and family, This Sunday will be a really important day…
Friday Night: Tontons, Wild Moccasins, A Sea Es at Fitzgerald’s
Check out pics from the Tontons’ tour kickoff in our slideshow. Friday night’s wonderful assortment of tasty sweet indie pop was just that — delicious! Now, you’re probably wondering if you can you have some cheese with that opening description. Why yes, you can, metaphorically, at least. Imagine a platter…
First Look at Happy Endings
It only seemed fitting to visit a new food truck called Happy Endings in the throes of Valentine’s Day season, I reasoned as I headed out to Bo Concept this afternoon. But really, I was only it it for two things: hot dogs and sunshine. Happy Endings is one of…
The 10 Most Iconic John Williams Scores Ever
Today John Williams turns 80 years old, and the prolific composer has packed in a lot of work in the past five decades as one of the most iconic movie music makers to lead an orchestra. No doubt you have been enthralled, enraptured and enfrightened (not a word) by his…
Rap Round Table: The Red Beast Is Nearing. Are You Prepared?
Some rappers happen to be thoughtful, intelligent people. Each week Rocks Off will have some of them here discussing issues relevant to their culture. This Week’s Panel: Fat Tony, KAB, Kyle Hubbard, Zavey, Medicine Girl, Mac, Eskabel, Delo, D-Risha, RoderickVonn, A.D.D. Not Invited: Mario O., who, at John Glenn Elementary…
Randy Travis: Weird North Texas Drunk-In-Public Bust
It may seem that we’re talkin’ foolish, but Randy Travis was arrested early this morning, allegedly drunk in a car parked in front of a Baptist church in the Denton County town of Sanger. (Travis reportedly owns a ranch in Tioga, 25 miles east of Sanger.) TMZ broke the story…
All the Wu’s Down in Wu-ville
We couldn’t wait to see how the Jason Wu for Target event on Sunday stacked up against the insane frenzy of the Missoni event last October. We woke up bright and early on Sunday morning and went to the Target on Sawyer, off of Washington Avenue, where about 30 women…
Sushi 101: RA Sushi Head Chef Jerry Jan Shares What Quality Sushi Is All About
“Panda Express ain’t no sushi,” remarks Jerry Jan, head chef at RA Sushi, with candor. “Do not get sushi from there.” Unsurprisingly, Jan says what elevates sushi is the freshness of the fish. Most quality sushi restaurants pick their catch right out of the water, put it on ice and…
Pay No Attention to the Amazing Car Crash Happening Live on Our Camera, Please
A reporter needs a nose for news. Sometimes, though, that nose is stuffed. This isn’t the highest-quality video, but it does show what was airing at KFDM during the recent bad weather. The station tapped into one of Beaumont’s live-action traffic cams, while a reporter talked about the need to…
Luck 1.2: “People Made Adjustments”
It’s becoming apparent after a mere two episodes of David Milch’s new series that “luck” is what ties this disparate group of characters together. The tagline may be, “Leave nothing to chance,” but chance plays a huge role in each of their lives, whether they like it or not. The…
Indiana Farm Boy: 50 Glorious Years Of Axl Rose
W. Axl Rose, born William Bruce Rose, Jr., turns 50 today, shimmying and snake-dancing into this world on February 6, 1962. It’s been a fun — and rocky — past 25 years with the man, full of great music, great fights, and great fashion choices, and that ever-present squeal. Rose…
What’s Cooking This Week?
Great news! The Eat This, Not That! guys over at Men’s Health have made my dreams come true by confirming that pizza made right is a well-balanced, healthy meal. Good thing, because last week, I made delicious whole-wheat pita pizzas topped with veggies and some Mediterranean flair. And because I’m…
Randy Travis Arrested in Sanger This Morning For Suspicion Of Intoxication
This morning in Sanger, Texas, country crooner Randy Travis was arrested on “suspicion of public intoxication” by local authorities. Our sister paper to the north, Dallas Observer, also picked up on the story, which is currently making the rounds on TMZ. According to Denton County officials, Travis was “spotted in…
Jason Abbott: Leaves Cocaine in Walmart, Then Leads Cops to Own Door
From the sound of it, Jason Michael Abbott might not be cut out for this whole cocaine thing. According to court documents reported by KTRE, Abbott, 27 and from Diboll, had some kind of issue he needed to address with customer service at the Lufkin Walmart — from the sound…
Eddie Vedder Announces Second Solo Show At Jones Hall
Don’t fret, PJ and Vedderheads: if you didn’t get in on tickets for Eddie Vedder’s April 22 show at Jones Hall, he has added a second date, the next day on April 23. Tickets are going on sale this Saturday morning at 10 a.m. according to Live Nation. Vedder’s last…
The Rape of Lucretia: A Timeless “Modern” Opera
The setup: After the storm and fury of Peter Grimes (1945), whose sea-tossed music and psychologically truthful and damaged characters were heralded as a new era in English opera, composer Benjamin Britten, for his next stage work, went toward the simple but elegant. “I am keen to develop a new…
Saturday Night: Buxton’s Album Release Show At Fitzgerald’s
Buxton packed them in upstairs at Fitzgerald’s on Saturday night, playing the entirety of their brand-new, just-released LP, Nothing Here Seems Strange. Performing before an audience of family, scene mavens, new fans, old fans, people who had seen them playing house parties in the early ’00s, and curious outsiders, the…
Like the Texas Alcoholic Beverage Commission on Facebook?
Remember the Jonathan Franzen New York Times essay from last year, “Liking Is for Cowards. Go for What Hurts”? In it, he considers the “transformation, courtesy of Facebook, of the verb ‘to like’ from a state of mind to an action that you perform with your computer mouse, from a…
5 Surprisingly Sexy Dinners for Valentine’s Day
So you’ve decided to buck the traditions this year and take your sweetheart somewhere for dinner that won’t be an overpriced, overcrowded mess of boring pasta dishes and flourless chocolate cakes. Good on you! Valentine’s Day — or any good date night — can be much more romantic when you…
Forget the Custom Guitar Signed By Buddy Guy, He Just Wants His Dog Back
Thieves broke into the northwest Harris County home of Wes Covington sometime Saturday morning and took a ton of stuff — a TV, among other things. And those “other things” include custom-made guitars, including one signed by Buddy Guy. And, worst of all — the three-year-old Boxer, Charlie…
Top 10 Films to Celebrate Black History Month
In 1926 historian Carter G. Wilson began what was known as Negro History Week in an effort to make the African American story more prevalent in our culture’s consciousnesses. The week evolved into an entire month-long celebration and promotion of African American history, which we recognize this month. To spread…
Super Bowl XLVI: M.I.A.’s Bird Is The Word
On its best day, you can say the musical portion of the Super Bowl ranks somewhere below the fifth time you see the latest Go Daddy commercial and somewhere above that pre-game segment featuring an offensive lineman and his mother. I mean, who really looks forward to a halftime show,…
’90s Soundtrack Battle: Angus & Batman Forever Duke It Out
The movies couldn’t be any more different. One is about an obese, kindly high school guy with a heart of gold. The other is about an crime-fighting millionaire orphan inside a cartoonish world full of super-villains, cringe-worthy puns, and Jim Carrey at his muggiest. Obvious Angus is a better film,…
How Not to Drive a One-Week-Old Lamborghini
You are the absolute cock of the walk, coming out of an upscale bar at 2 a.m. early Monday. You stroll over to your new $400,000 Lamborghini and, because that’s what Lamborghinis are made for, you make sure everyone appreciates your taste and testosterone…
The Ballad of Emmett Till from Ensemble Theatre: A Staggering Work of Art
The setup: The brutal murder by two white men of 14-year-old Emmett Till, an African-American, was a pivotal moment in America’s Civil Rights movement, and is here chronicled from the point of view of his family, capturing both the joy in his brief life and the tragedy of his death…
DEFCON Dining: Le Peep
Dining out with children is an exercise in situational awareness. Each experience is unique, with different variables leading to different possible outcomes, DEFCON-like in their escalating threat levels. Keen observation, forward planning, and prior experience are critical in determining the proper strategy. Here at DEFCON Dining, we do the grunt-work…
Crazy Times: 5 Festivals That Need DVD/Blu-Ray Box Sets
Music festivals have played an indefinite part of pop culture history. From the various Woodstock festivals, Us Festivals, and even Lollapalooza – they have played a part in defining their generations. Unfortunately some of these amazing festivals have only seen the light of day in the form of either being…
Marlana Doyle Becomes the New Artistic Director of The Met
Marlana Doyle, the Houston Metropolitan Dance Company’s just-christened artistic director, should be a recognizable face to anyone familiar with the professional dance outfit. In 2001, Doyle started dancing with The Met. Two years later when the company reorganized, she became the liaison between the board and the dancers. Later, she…
Cocktails and Bites at Papi Tino’s in Austin
Aren’t your favorite places to eat and drink almost always the ones you stumble onto–or into–when you’re wandering around without a plan? Last weekend my husband whisked me away (literally whisked–I wasn’t even allowed to bring my laptop) for a long weekend in Austin. Our Saturday plan to go wine-tasting…
Comment of the Day: The Tired Old N-Word Defense
We have some great commenters here on Hair Balls, and it’s time we paid some damn attention to them. So we’ll be highlighting a Comment of the Day each morning, from the previous day’s work. Maybe two comments, even. This will all be determined by a highly rigorous scientific formula…
Antoin Leon Yarbrough, 39, Bayou Body Count No. 13
A man was shot to death early Saturday morning outside a southwest-side strip club, police say. Antoin Leon Yarbrough, 39, was standing outside the Palace Gentleman’s Club in the 9300 block of Bissonnet when he was approached by a man, police said. At some point, the man shot him. KHOU…
Hellfire and Sweater Meat: In Defense of DC’s Starfire Reboot
The reboot of the DC universe has had its share of controversies, such as the paraplegic Barbara Gordon regaining the ability to walk and resuming the mantle of Batgirl. Nothing seems to have gotten folks more up in arms, though, than the way former Teen Titan member Starfire has been…
The Josh Hamilton Redemption Tour Hits Katy
Fresh off its Friday afternoon debut performance, the Josh Hamilton Redemption Tour made its second appearance on Friday night inside Katy’s Merrell Center. And if Nolan Ryan and/or Jon Daniels were paying attention to anything said, then they should seriously be thinking about just how much money, if any, they…
I’m on a Blimp!: 7 Songs Celebrating Lighter Than Air Travel
Today is the 267th birthday of one Jacques-Étienne Montgolfier, who with his brother Joseph-Michele pioneered the first manned lighter than air flight. The Chinese had been using hot-air powered signal lanterns since the time of the Three Kingdoms, but it was the Montgolfier Brothers who were the first to send…
Where Are We Eating?
Every burger has its own personality, its own identifying markers that make it special and unique. This one, for example, makes use of shredded cheese instead of a slice, red onions instead of white, a whole iceberg lettuce leaf instead of shreds and a patty that looks hand-made instead of…
Top 5 Celebrity TMIs
In the usual fashion of our over-exposed culture, another celebrity has come down with the deadly “foot-in-mouth disease” and is spreading it all over town. This most recent affliction has made its way to Tim Gunn, stylist to the world, fashion guru and self-esteem proper-upper. Recently, Gunn announced on the…
Super Bowl Ads: Bud Skews Decrepit, Clint Endorses Obama — 5 Things We Learned
Another Super Bowl, another series of high-priced, high-stakes TV ads. What did we learn? These five things: 5. Budweiser has a hard-on for Prohibiition Because your target demographic is, we guess, is prople who remember fondly when beer was made legal again in 1933. 4. Never ever believe a baby…
The Hair Balls Super Bowl Live Blog: Remember To Piss
In some alternate universe, the streets of Houston are currently bathed in Miller Lite, Reliant Stadium and every bar in town is a watch party, with even the homeless folks are wearing soiled Texans jerseys. But alas, our Houston Texans only made it into the second round of the playoffs,…
This Week in Deliciousness
Welcome back to the weekly roundup here at Eating Our Words, where we’ve decided to take up veganism and bowhunting on the same day. Contradictastic! We started the week off right with a look at some choice bits, and that’s a great list, but I’d humbly like to add one:…
Blue Letter: The 10 Best Fleetwood Mac Deep Tracks
Fleetwood Mac is perhaps the most distinct and musically diverse bands around. What started out as a British blues band headed by drummer Mick Fleetwood and lead singer/guitarist Peter Green became a pop/rock powerhouse with the addition of guitar virtuoso Lindsey Buckingham and his then-girlfriend, singer Stevie Nicks. One of…
Adam Lambert To Join Queen: All Is Right In The World
No shit, right? Can we all agree that American Idol alum and modern glam-popper Adam Lambert is the best choice to front Queen in 2012? Good. No more discussion. Just lay back, close your eyes, and think warm thoughts, and imagine the ghost of Freddie Mercury shaking his ass side…
Don’t Miss Our Super Bowl Live-Blogging
The eyes of a nation will be turned to the Giants v. Patriots Sunday. Your eyes, however, should set aside some time for our live-blogging of the epic event. Our Craig Hlavaty will be here at Hair Balls offering insight into what’s going on both on and off the field,…
20 Albums To Leave Your Children Plus Five To Grow On…
It started as a simple question: What albums would you leave your unborn children, if you knew you were on borrowed time and may not be around to show them the way. At first I asked for albums for sons, but then it grew broader, not out of needing to…
Upcoming Events: Foraging Food and Cooking Game
Attention, DIY-ers and wild food fans: Two upcoming events are right up your paths. Follow chef Randy Rucker down one path for a Tapas on the Trails evening Saturday, February 11, at the Houston Arboretum. The food-filled evening will showcase Rucker’s foraging interests as he leads a group through the…
Last Night: Los Lobos At Dosey Doe
It all seemed very dream-like: a band from East Los Angeles, playing rock and roll classics and Mexican corridos, inside of a 150-year-old barn in The Woodlands, all while I ate my dinner. Yet I wasn’t dreaming, I was just at the Dosey Doe (25911 I-45 North). The intimate dining…
League City’s City Manager Suspended for Using the N-Word in LSU-Alabama Discussion
Rich Oller, the acting city manager of League City, has been suspended for a week following a long closed-door council session investigating his use of the N-word at City Hall. Yourbayareanews.com reports that Oller was discussing the previous night’s BCS title game between LSU & Alabama last month with two…
Jacques Imbrailo in The Rape of Lucretia
Jacques Imbrailo, a baritone from South Africa, never intended to be an opera singer. But while working on an undergrad degree in law there, he discovered that he really didn’t enjoy it and decided to switch to singing, which had just been a hobby. He went on to do his…
Vienna Boys’ Choir: Guarantee You Weren’t This Productive When You Were 13 Years Old
He’s only 13, but Edis Levent is basically a rock star in classical music. Raised in New York City, Edis is the only American soloist in the Vienna Boys’ Choir, known as one of the best singing ensembles in the world. He’s been with the group, which features close to…
5 Ways the Super Bowl Can Kill or Maim You (Or Your Dog!), According to Experts
Earlier this week we brought you the solemn warning from Methodist Hospital, urging people to remember to pee during the Super Bowl. If you don’t, an expert said, you might end up in the ER with a catheter inserted into places you’d rather not have such things inserted. But that…
Project Runway All-Stars: Naked Strangers in the Park
This week on Project Runway All-Stars: The designers attack strangers and ask for their clothes in the middle of NYC, Anthony entertains, Mila hates real people and outside. As the episode opens, the designers head out into “nature” (Central Park) and meet Angela to receive their next assignment. This week…
What If? Five Potential Hosts For A Revamped Soul Train
The news of Don Cornelius’ suicide earlier this week left many stunned and hurt, especially those who were fans of the legendary TV show Soul Train. Noted for being the alternative to American Bandstand, the show ran from 1971 to 2006 opening the doors to young performers and countless generations…
Openings & Closings: January 2012
After 45 years in business along Washington Avenue, Guadalajara Bakery is closing its doors on February 29. Unlike previous closing scares for the longtime breakfast taco purveyor, this one is concrete: New owners purchased the building and gave the family 30 days notice to vacate. A bar is planned for…
PasDoctor Geronimo: Planned Courthouse Lawn Tepee/Tent-Residence Birthday Orgy Halted by Lufkin Cops
Sadly, PasDoctor Geronimo’s hoped-for 12-plus woman birthday orgy in a custom-built “tepee/tent-residence” on the Angelina County Courthouse lawn — starring Cameron Diaz — did not take place yesterday. Jessica Cooley of the Lufkin Daily News was there for the dramatic confrontation. She reported that Geronimo, a frequent miscreant whose “white…
Black and White: The Week in Photos
It’s time again to check out the Houston Press Flickr Pool and see what kinds of art shots our talented photographers have added. We love street art, unique perspectives and beautiful photos of Houston’s creative community. If you think you’ve got a good eye, drop your pictures in the pool…
Fourteen Years After His Death, Fat Pat’s Legacy Continues Acting Bad For Scrilla
In Huntsville, back somewhere around 2000, there used to be this club called The Tin Can. There are a bunch of reasons to remember The Tin Can; two stand out and another is unfortunately appropriate today. The most nefarious of the three: It had to have been the most unsafe…
Odd Pair: Sushi and Wine (a Preview of Uchi’s Wine List)
There’s a lot riding on the launch of the new Uchi in Houston. Tyson Cole’s Austin outposts — Uchi and Uchiko — stand apart as “destination” restaurants in Texas, venues that have attained national recognition in part because of Cole’s success as a competitive chef on television and in part because…
Susan G. Komen Backs Out of Its Planned Parenthood Fiasco (UPDATED)
New Coke, you have a new rival for corporate ineptness. In a statement on its Web site, the Texas-based Susan G. Komen breast-cancer organization has reversed its fiasco of a decision to cut off funds to Planned Parenthood. We want to apologize to the American public for recent decisions that…
Get a Rope: New York Times Takes Note of Honky-Tonk Hero Mike Stinson
Houston’s own Mike Stinson is no stranger to media coverage. Hell, it was big news when the “King of the L.A. Honky-tonkers” relocated to the Bayou City two-and-a-half years ago. When it comes to press, though, it doesn’t get much bigger than the New York Times. The Old Gray Lady…
Person of Interest: The “Root Cause” of All Evil
With over half of season 1 in the bag, Person of Interest has finally developed some internal history upon which to fall back. So now, even in episodes that have abandoned the whole “Elias” story arc (as the last several have done), other plots can be advanced and characters can…
20 Modest Fan Suggestions for Jim Crane
The word from on-high came earlier this week when the Houston Astros announced that Jim Crane had heard the voice of the fans and thus would not be changing the team’s name. It’s nice that Crane paid some attention to the people who buy tickets (though it does seem strange…
Hail Doughbeezius: The Southeast Beast Preps For His Magicianship With “Grind”
“I am not one of these rappers that be rappin’ just for shine, for these skeezers on these pics on inDmix. Bottom line: I gotta grind.” –Doughbeezy Twelve months is all it took. At the beginning of last year, Doughbeezy, a 5’7″ high bald fade with a rapper underneath, was…
Bartender Chat: Brant Miller of Royal Oak
This week, I stopped into Royal Oak to chat with Brant, a.k.a. “The Marshall.” Inspired by some Civil War documentaries he had been watching a few weeks ago, Brant cultivated a mustache and chops, adorned his vest with a badge, and got behind the bar. He said that as the…
The Works Shine in Box 13’s “Luminous”
“Luminous” at Box 13 is worth sticking around for — as you navigate the expanse of the main gallery, venture up its winding staircase and explore its upstairs rooms, it keeps getting better. The seven artists in the show are united well by their use of light — either simply…
Predicting Your Future Half Time Show Performers
All of the Super Bowl talk this week has given me a chance to ponder one of my favorite pop culture questions: how big do you have to be to perform at the Super Bowl half time show? When you consider the acts that have performed since the 2005 move…
Dress You Up: Madonna’s Best Magazine Covers
This weekend, the grand dame of American pop music, Madonna, will grace the halftime stage at Super Bowl XLVI. This is a major improvement from last year’s more-inhuman-than-human Black Eyed Peas performance, which tested the resolve of our country, and even the world. But we all survived. Who won the…
Make It An Easy Valentine’s Day With To-Go Treats
Want something better to give on Valentine’s Day than a last-minute heart-shaped box of mediocre chocolates from the drug store? Several local bakers are offering baked goods and other items that you can order in advance and pick up when the big day is closer. Fluff Bake Bar and Fat…
Comment of the Day: Joel Osteen, Hunk
We have some great commenters here on Hair Balls, and it’s time we paid some damn attention to them. So we’ll be highlighting a Comment of the Day each morning, from the previous day’s work. Maybe two comments, even. This will all be determined by a highly rigorous scientific formula…
Week in Photos: Boardwalk
Each week, we take a dip into the Houston Press Flickr pool and see what our talented photographers have been up to. We’re looking for pictures that represent the best of Houston, from food to art to events, to secret hidden spots of beauty. Just drop them in our Flickr…
5 Things to Miss About Being a Classic Gamer
This is not a lament for the old days, Okay? We’re very grateful for the endlessly forward march of video game progress, and if anyone tries to tell you that the classic era was superior, then beat them in the face with a Jaguar controller until it breaks. The modern…
Football! Six Prop Bets and My Super Bowl XLVI Pick (Includes Video Analysis of Kelly Clarkson Anthem-Singing)
Finally, the Super Bowl is upon us, and when you head out to that neighborhood party this Sunday, you may need some fabricated incentive to have a rooting interest in the game. I get that. Sure, you can do it the ultra-lame way by buying a couple squares for five…
5 Places I’d Rather Play Than Saturday Night Live
Recently I returned to being an active musician, and that is peachy with a side of keen. Like most musicians, I’m a day dreamer who spends his bathtub time answering in-depth questions from imaginary hot, red-headed music journalists about the undeniable genius of my art. Also returning are the ever-present…
100 Creatives 2012: Richard Tallent (semi-NSFW)
What He Does: Richard Tallent is a Beaumont-based photographer who specializes in a stunning array of artistic nudes, though he does some non-nude work for specially commissioned clients such as previous 100 Creatives subject Scarlett S. Vitus. His pictures show off the beauty of the female form in a huge…
The Rest of the Best: Houston’s Top 10 Cupcakes
For the next 20 weeks, we’ll be rounding up the runners-up to our 2011 Best of Houston® winners. In many categories, picking each year’s winner is no easy task. We’ll be spotlighting 20 of those categories, in which the winner had hefty competition from other Houston bars and restaurants…
Five Tweets That Might Get You Busted by the TSA
Most everyone gets that you can’t shout “fire” in a movie theater or crack jokes about bombs on an airplane. This sort of thing will get you in a mess of trouble. But, apparently, jokes made on Twitter can also get you in trouble, particularly if you are a foreigner…
RIP, the Semi-Venerable Greenbriar Chateau Apartments: You Have Five Weeks to Clear Out
The Greenbriar Chateau Apartments, just south of 59 on, well, Greenbriar, have long been a housing option for people with some attachment to Rice. It’s a quick trip down the street to the campus and, for at least most of its for-Houston long time in existence, the staff and facilities…
New Frontiers for Rice: Bank Robbery
He may not be “tall, dark & handsome,” but this Comerica bank branch robber is proudly Rice, through and through. Not only is he wearing a dapper-yet-conservative business suit, he loudly displays his Owl Pride by sporting a Rice baseball cap, which, it must be said, is not the usual…
SUPER BOWL STORY LINE ALERT! Jason Pierre-Paul Talked Mad Trash About Tom Brady!
So here we are, it’s Thursday of Super Bowl week and we’ve had almost nothing to dig our teeth into from a story line perspective. I warned you earlier this week that it would be this way. Hell, when news came down today that Rob Gronkowski would be a gametime…
Someone at the FBI Is Swooning Over the “Tall, Dark & Handsome Bandit”
Feast your eyes on the enticing hunk of man-meat to the right, ladies and gay dudes. Why, he’s dreamier than a shirtless Joel Osteen!! At least he is to someone at the FBI, who has not only dubbed the dude the “Tall, Dark & Handsome Bandit” but has included this…
Great GIFs Of Shakira Shaking What Her Mother Gave Her (Semi-NFSW)
There are no words that I can put into this space to describe the majesty of Colombian pop star Shakira. The only thing that would probably come close to succinctly putting into prose how amazing her body is digging up poet Robert Frost and using voodoo to have him pen…
In Midst of Komen Ruckus, Planned Parenthood Gulf Coast Has Rare Leadership Change
Planned Parenthood Gulf Coast is not only one of the largest regional centers in the U.S., but it has been remarkably stable in its leadership. Peter J. Durkin has led the organization for 27 often-tumultuous years. And now, in the midst of yet another high-profile fight, the organization is seeing…
Forever Young: Musicians Who Refuse To Age
The other day, looking around on YouTube for Pantera stuff — did you know that this month Vulgar Display Of Power turns 20? — I found a relatively recent clip of lead singer Phil Anselmo VH1 Classic’s That Metal Show from late 2010. The current Down crooner and mouth from…
The 10 Must-Haves at Any Super Bowl Party
Leading up to this Sunday’s showdown between the Giants and the Patriots (go Big Blue!), we’ve been offering up recipes and ideas for those of you brave souls who are hosting Super Bowl parties at home. And if you’ve decided that you don’t want to take the easy way out…
The PasDoctor Geronimo Manifesto: A Presidential Run and a Birthday “Tepee/Tent-Residence” Orgy, Starring Cameron Diaz
Hair Balls’ old friend PasDoctor Geronimo is back at it this week. This time around he’s not in trouble with the law. Instead, the Lufkin man, whose “white man’s name” is Douglas Paul McCoy, has filed a ten-page “public notice” explaining his recent actions, calling for permission to smoke all…
Ingredient of the Week: Spam
Ah, yes, that mysterious block of meat housed in the blue and yellow can. In 2007, the seven billionth can of Spam was sold. On average, 3.8 cans are eaten every second in the U.S. alone. Since its inception in 1937, Spam has become part of American pop culture–it has…
Teach Your Children Well: Graham Nash Turns 70
There are artists who exist, it seems, only to be a part of something bigger than themselves. Some of them are sidemen. Others are loyal musicians. But, it is rare to find a gifted songwriter and singer who willingly plays team ball when it comes to rock and roll bands…
Caption This Shirtless-Joel Osteen Photo
TMZ has blessed us with this photo of Lakewood’s just-sued Joel Osteen, who obviously has been able to take time from helping the poor and downtrodden to work out a couple of hours a day. Obviously, it needs a caption. We ask for your help…
The Rest of the Best: Houston’s Top 10 Sports Bars
If food and a clear line of sight to a fancy television were all it takes to make a good sports bar, you might as well build up those plaque reserves at home. Judging sports bars involves more utilitarian considerations than usual – some of us have even ended up…
Alvaro Guzman: Volunteer Sues Lakewood Over False Child-Sex Accusations
We wrote last May about Alvaro Guzman, a Lakewood Church volunteer who was arrested on charges of fondling an eight-year-old autistic boy. Not only has Guzman been cleared of the charges — a grand jury refused to indict him — he is suing Lakewood for putting him through hell, court…
The Ghost of Cliff Burton Rattles its Chains on Debut Album
Editor’s Note: The Ghost of Cliff Burton’s Jef With One F is a regular contributor for Rocks Off and the Houston Press. When the oddball experimentalists in the Black Math Experiment went on hiatus four years ago, Houston lost a strange and unique musical voice that’s been missed by many…
Nathan Carter’s Faux Cityscape at Window Into Houston
In a way, it makes sense that Art Attack’s phone interview with Nathan Carter took place while the New York City-based artist was holed up in a Chicago airport awaiting the departure of a re-routed flight. For the past decade, Carter has created and exhibited fictional cityscapes (made from wall…
Brew Blog: Real Ale Cask Beer Dinner at Down House
With a flair and a flourish, and a bit of a mess, Real Ale Brew Master Erik Ogershok pounded a tap into a cask of beer. A cheer went up from the crowd as he was hit with a brief spray. He wiped his face, licked his lips, and declared…
Free for All: Art Without a Price Tag
There’s a kidnapped child in the plot of mystery novelist Tami Hoag’s new book, The Darkest Road, which she’ll be discussing on Friday at Murder by the Book. But instead of focusing on the missing 16-year-old girl, Hoag centers her story on the family that was left behind. There’s the…
Together Always: Country Duets for Valentine’s Day
Maybe it’s because I’m a Libra, but I believe that everything in life should be as harmonious as possible-love, especially. Duets might be the ultimate musical testament to such a theory. I’m not talking about the resonance that’s created when a woman is vacuuming while her man watches television. I’m…
Chef Philippe Schmit Receives Prestigious Maîtres Cuisiniers de France Title
When he first moved to the United States from his home country of France in 1990, Philippe Schmit worked as a sous chef under famous chef Eric Ripert — a fellow Frenchman — in the New York kitchens of Le Bernadin, eventually moving on to become executive chef at La…
John Goodman: Polo Honcho Adopts Girlfriend
There are Rich People Problems, and there are Rich People Solutions. Credit Houston-bred multimillionaire polo patron John Goodman, the subject of a 1998 Press feature, not to mention the allegedly drunk-driving killer of Florida college student Scott Wilson in 2010, with coming up with one of the more fiendishly devious…
Comment of the Day: As Always, It’s Better to Rob with a Pen
We have some great commenters here on Hair Balls, and it’s time we paid some damn attention to them. So we’ll be highlighting a Comment of the Day each morning, from the previous day’s work. Maybe two comments, even. This will all be determined by a highly rigorous scientific formula…
Last Night: Red Bull Skooled Tour at Warehouse Live
Check out our slideshow of last night’s Red Bull Skooled Tour launch. “Excuse me while I get the turntables straight. Til then, let me help you get some pussy. This the “help you get some pussy hour”!” Before spinning a single record on the turntables, New Orleans’ most noted producer/part-time…
Super Bowl Snack For a Crowd: Oreo Truffle Footballs
Earlier, we brought you a Super Bowl Buffalo Chicken Dip big enough to feed a game day crowd. Now for the sweets (I mean, you need something to counteract all of the spicy wing dip and beer, right?). With only four ingredients, these Oreo Truffle Footballs are delicious, so simple…
Did Anyone Else in the World Not Like Bridesmaids?
The ladies of the Bridesmaids movie just keep racking up the accolades. Last week during the SAG awards, they stole the evening with a Martin Scorsese-based drinking game (every time the iconic director’s name was said during the evening, the crowd had to drink). The girls also have two Oscar…
Five Prop Bets For Music Lovers This Super Sunday
It’s time to be honest with each other for a moment: some people out there don’t care about the Super Bowl. They may not care about sports at all. In fact, they might hate sports completely. Listen close and you can hear them roll their eyes at yet another blog…
5 Most Ridiculously Over-the-Top Spells from Final Fantasy
We’ve been playing the Final Fantasy series from the day the first game hit the ground in America, and magic has always been a big staple of the series. Nothing sells a world of wonder like being able to hurl a lightning bolt, and yet, sometimes they simply go a…
Fast Times: Jumbo Jack Burger
This Jumbo Jack Burger marks my first official jaunt into the world of Jack in the Box. I made this week’s fast food journey a “Husband’s Choice,” and he returned with Jack in the Box. I was not thrilled. I know it’s been like, 20 years, since that whole E…
David Keith Allen: Recently Remarried Former Pastor Accused of Killing Wife in House Fire
The very best preachers are consummate showmen, able to sell you on the sincerity of their message with the utmost aplomb. 49-year-old David Keith Allen, former pastor at the New Life Church of Restoration just east of Gatesville, sounds like a hell of a performer. In the wee hours of…
Ajay Kumar Mangal: Teacher’s Seduction Method for 16-Year-Old Student Included McDonald’s, Candy & Condoms
Law enforcement authorities say charter-school teacher Ajay Kumar Mangal didn’t just depend on the old sexting method when it came to seducing a 16-year-old student. He brought his game up a notch by the use of McDonald’s and a trip to get candy and condoms. Mangal, who was a teacher…
Pop Rocks: Because No One Demanded It, Watchmen Prequels Are on the Way
DC Comics isn’t about to let a little thing like that mediocre live-action adaptation get in the way of continuing to squeeze a little more profit out of Nite Owl, Dr. Manhattan and the gang: This summer, DC Entertainment will publish all-new stories expanding on the acclaimed WATCHMEN universe. As…
The 10 Oddest Super Bowl Halftime Performers
The Super Bowl seems to be running out of stadium-sized performers who can attract eyeballs (the Black-Eyed Peas?), and this year they’re hoping that faded scandalist Madonna will do the trick. It’s not like they haven’t been desperate before. In the early days of the event, producers regularly turned to…
Decoding Newt Gingrich Based on His Known Musical Tastes
The digital revolution is slowly killing our favorite form of amateur psychoanalysis. We’ve all gone through someone’s CD collection at some point when they weren’t in the room, and from the albums we found we were able to deduce something about their personality. Now, we don’t even have a CD…
Pee-Wee Herman Plays His Eternal Role on Top Chef: Texas
What you see above is one of the Healthy Choice Top Chef-branded entrees they keep hawking on this damned show. I bought two on an impulse tonight while shopping* at Target (*shopping = wandering the aisles vacantly and fondling various throw pillows and lamps instead of buying the 25-foot coaxial…
Getting High on the Cheap, Demi Moore Style and Beyond
Editor’s note: In no way are we suggesting any of our readers should try any of the “highs” set out in this article. Remember: This is stupid stuff. Last week, embattled cougar Demi Moore was rushed to Sherman Oaks Hospital after a 911 call revealed that she had been high…
Deontay Greenberry: A Texans-Related Grain Of Salt For College Football National Signing Day
There was a time not too long ago when the last-minute defection of wide receiver Deontay Greenberry from my alma mater Notre Dame to the University of Houston would have sent me into a mental funk that would have taken me a week from which to recover. After all, Greenberry…
The Rape of Lucretia
While the Roman Army has been away, all of the men’s wives have been unfaithful save Lucretia, the character at the center of The Rape of Lucretia. Alas, despite the fact that she’s been a good girl, her husband’s friend Tarquinius won’t let things stay that way. A male and…
Confessions of a Mormon Boy
Steven Fales is blond, built and gay. He was also raised Mormon, a religion that doesn’t accept homosexuality. His award-winning Confessions of a Mormon Boy is a one-man show written by and starring the goodlooking and very hunky Fales, who tells the story of his long, often painful liberation from…
Shadowlands
C. S. Lewis is most famous for his Narnia Chronicles, but he’s also the central character in William Nicholson’s bighearted, very sad Shadowlands, onstage now at Texas Repertory Theatre. The story focuses on Lewis’s tender love affair with poet Joy Gresham. The two met when he was late-middle-aged; she was…
The Ballad of Emmett Till
In 1955, energetic 14-year-old Emmett Till was visiting Mississippi from Chicago. After allegedly whistling at a white woman, he was taken by a group of white men, tortured, murdered and then discarded in the river with a weight tied around his neck for his “crime.” Till became an icon of…
The Seagull
Houston audiences will revel in Josie de Guzman, James Black and the rest of the ensemble cast performing in The Seagull at the Alley Theatre. The 1895 classic by playwright Anton Chekhov deals with the emotional and romantic tangle a group of artists find themselves in on a Russian estate…
”Hate Expo”
Ah, Domy Books. It’s where you go to have the boring burned out of your soul. The latest exhibit Domy will be showcasing on its walls is ”Hate Expo,” courtesy of Mushroom Necklace, a collaboration between Dusty Peterman and William Keihn. Haven’t seen work by Mushroom Necklace? Imagine if you…
”Joel Shapiro: New Installation”
The Rice University Art Gallery is filled with large floating planks and rectangular boxes for “Joel Shapiro: New Installation.” But the brightly colored objects aren’t meant to deceive viewers into thinking the artist has defied gravity; instead, the point is to create an unfamiliar environment. The installation is a departure…
The Super Bowl Prostitution Hoax
Indianapolis is bracing for war. It’s Super Bowl week, after all. Time for the Annual Invasion of the Hookers, which promises to be as harrowing as the Ottoman Empire’s advance on Crete in 1647, though with considerably more nudity. Yes, one of America’s great urban legends is again being trotted…
”Handmade Print”
Susie J. Silbert, curatorial fellow at Houston Center for Contemporary Craft, has some high praise for the work in ”Alyssa Salomon: The Handmade Print” ”I think the way she composes her photographs and titles them is poetry. I think of poetry as these few words that are supposed to evoke…
Kevin Smith: Live from Behind
The transition of Kevin Smith from the director of movies like Clerks, Mallrats and Dogma to the long-winded, hilarious spoken-word artist/comedian dishing on being too fat to fly a commercial airline, has been an eventful one. Along the way, he hammered on the Superman project but got dumped when Tim…
”Balancing Act”
Kids will have a hard time keeping their feet under them at the new exhibit ”Balancing Act.” There’s the Balance Bridge, a bridge that shudders and shakes as you walk over it. (Here’s a hint: the more people on the bridge at one time, the more it rocks and sways.)…
Tami Hoag
Mystery novelist Tami Hoag often finds inspiration for her plots in newspaper headlines. Cases like the Natalee Holloway tragedy sparked a series of “what if” questions for Hoag that eventually became Down the Darkest Road, her latest title. In Darkest Road, a 16-year-old girl was previously kidnapped. Hoag focuses on…
The Mummy
A British expedition goes to Egypt in search of a scroll only to end up unleashing the evil mummy Prince Imhotep. When most people hear this plot they are reminded of the big-budget 1998 film starring Brendan Fraser and Rachel Weisz. But no, we’re talking about the original 1932 black-and-white…
This Is Our Home and It Is Not for Sale
In the 1930s, the exclusive and restrictive River Oaks neighborhood wasn’t open to Jewish buyers. So the Jews created their own version of the swanky neighborhood, Riverside Terrace. Situated on the southeast of downtown on the banks of Braes Bayou, the area became one of Houston’s pre-eminent neighborhoods. Twenty years…
Moulin Rouge: The Ballet
Young lovers Matthew and Natalie are at the center of Moulin Rouge, The Ballet. Their innocent love story is set amid the decadence of Paris’s most famous red-light-district cabaret. With a background of sensuality, gaiety and over-the-top glamour, Moulin Rouge features rousing music, and men in top hats chasing flirty…
Theater Bizarre
The six tales that make up the horror anthology Theater Bizarre are delightfully demented, if sometimes slightly predictable. The story that holds them together is that of an unstable young woman who wanders into an abandoned theater one night. Inside, a strange marionette hosts a vaudeville show; each act is…
Orlando Jones
You can trust Orlando Jones for laughs; just don’t trust him to hand you a drink. The comedian was the driving creative force in those brilliant commercials that showed blind taste tests proving 7 Up is more refreshing than dishwater, wallpaper paste and chum. An original cast member on MadTV,…
The Innkeepers
Director Ti West’s fourth feature, The Innkeepers, is both scary and funny. Part horror, part romantic comedy, it stars Sara Paxton (Shark Night) and Pat Healy (Rescue Dawn) as a couple of bored hotel employees at the Yankee Pedlar Inn. The two decide to investigate strange hauntings with some of…
Buxton
Houston’s own Buxton gets their moment in the sun in the next few weeks as their debut album for New West Records, Nothing Here Seems Strange, gets wide release. The album and the band have already been getting more than a few glowing notices around the country after dates on…
Immigration Angst and Defining Color
Dear Mexican, My cousin had put a picture on Facebook that said, “I will not be forced to learn a foreign language to accommodate illegals in my country.” He’s Mexican-American. Our family is from La Luz, Zacatecas, and its surrounding villages. His dad (my uncle) was born here in El…
Bang Bangz
Since their first few tracks began leaking out last fall, we’ve been heavily interested in Bang Bangz, a new electro-pop project from Mario Alberto Rodriguez of prog-rock surrealists Tax The Wolf, and co-vocalist Elizabeth Salazar. Heavy on the synths and atmosphere, Bang Bangz features Rodriguez and Salazar trading off breathy,…
Elizabeth Cook
With her charming Deep South voice and aw-shucks manner, Nashville chanteuse and disc jockey Elizabeth Cook comes off as a pixie-ish, barefoot, girl-next-door country cutie. But Cook, whose father did a stretch in prison, comes with a dark side that one seldom encounters in anyone trying to do business with…
Capsule Stage Reviews: Anna Bolena, Bring It On, La Traviata, Mistakes Were Made
Anna Bolena Opera girl power is in full swing at Opera in the Heights as it mounts an exciting and dramatically sung production of Donizetti’s first major work, from 1830. Anna put him on the international opera map. Donizetti had been slaving away in Naples and had composed at least…
The Adicts
English punk rock band The Adicts has managed to stay true to its signature Clockwork Orange motif (minus the disturbing, violent pillaging) since 1981. And the band’s stage shows also have reserved that signature theme. During their shows, the six band members dress in all white, sporting black bowler hats…
A Wrong Turn
Fred Mueller steered his truck through the open-window welcome of Gulf air atop the I-45 Causeway, descending into his first Galveston Isle-style Mardi Gras adventure. This 17-year-old Bellaire student had installed a stereo system in the old F-150 pickup that now pulsed to the mellow reggae sounds of SOJA. He…
Los Lobos
Is any band in America more revered or respected than East Los Angeles roots vatos Los Lobos? An American musical treasure, the core band — David Hidalgo, Cesar Rosas, Steve Berlin, Louis Perez and Conrad Lozano — have produced 19 albums and played everywhere from an Angeleno quinceañera to Farm…
Portuguese Palate
Check out Portugallia’s lush patio and elegant dining room in our slideshow. Sunday afternoon at Portugallia is the place to be in Houston if you’re Portuguese, Angolan, Brazilian — or just hungry. The glass-walled restaurant, which looks out onto a verdant patio filled with waterfalls to cleverly disguise the roar…
A Little Respect
Antonia Rivas didn’t want much out of life. She loved her family: two daughters living in Houston and a son in the U.S. Army stationed in Louisiana. She liked cooking for them and their children on Saturdays. She loved the school where she worked — Shadowbriar Elementary — the only…
Fast and Ferocious
“And even though I sound different, you can motherfuckin bet this: I’m repping this for Houston, Texas.” — Marcus Manchild Twenty-two-year-old Marcus Manchild’s career is accelerating quickly, only a few years after he got started as a rapper. Manchild is the marquee artist of AMG, a Houston-based record label that…
Forest “Dweller”
Kent Dorn’s paintings give us a natural world that feels unnatural: It’s as grungy as a back alley and kinda icky. “Dweller,” his show at Bryan Miller Gallery, features cigarettes in the grass, cars parked in the forest and a ’70s vibe. Dead End (Water’s Edge) (2011) is a landscape…
Mall Mixologists
Yes, Prohibition, Craft of Cocktails (5175 Westheimer), the two-story bar located in the Galleria, has a Prohibition Era, speakeasy theme. No, we are not going to make any jokes about Al Capone or Eliot Ness in this space. The alluring, cavernous bar, tucked into the corner of the mall that…
The Comeback Cowboy
Perhaps no musician screams “Houston” more than original urban cowboy Mickey Gilley, who will forever be identified with the Pasadena club named after him and the movie Urban Cowboy, which was filmed there. A cousin of Jerry Lee Lewis and televangelist Jimmy Swaggart, Gilley took a fall a few years…
Horror, Stripped Down to Its Bones
Ti West, the 34-year-old writer-director of The Innkeepers, has spent the past several years steadily toiling his way through the ranks of horror filmmaking. His little-seen apprenticeship cheapies (The Roost, Trigger Man) led to a disowned, freelance gross-out job (Cabin Fever 2: Spring Fever) and then finally a name-above-the-title breakthrough…
Capsule Art Reviews: “A Crack in Everything,” “John Sonsini: New Paintings,” “New Paintings: Geoff Hippenstiel,” “Reconstruction,” “Sherrie Levine: Selected Works, ” “Since I’ve Been Away”
“A Crack in Everything” The highly touted Seattle dance troupe zoe | juniper completely transforms DiverseWorks Art Space into its own dark, weird, womb-like dreamland. The artists create an entirely unfamiliar, unnerving place through innovative video, projection and sound techniques. It’s the kind of installation that makes you say “what…
Co-Pilot
Being able to play seven-to-ten-minute instrumental songs and hold an audience’s attention is no easy task. Perhaps that’s why there aren’t many post-rock bands in Houston. It’s an ominous venture, especially when you run the risk of being compared to Austin’s infamous Explosions in the Sky. Co-Pilot is definitely not…
