Setting Foot on Robertson Field
“So you gonna cover that guy or what?” It looked good for the Scribes. We were up 4-0 at the half, and halfway into the second half we were still shutting the Throats out. The game was part of the Dynamo’s inaugural Media Match, which pits Houston media against Houston…
The King of Houston Sports Anthems
So I was at the Astros game the other night, enduring my second straight night of punchless baseball against the feeble Cincinnati Reds, when suddenly I was jerked out of my bad mood and fuming screeds. Between innings, the loudspeakers launched into the rousing strains of “Go Go Astros,” the…
Chart Check: R. Kelly
R. Kelly’s new CD, Double Up, is in the number one spot on both the Billboard 200 and the Billboard Top R&B/Hip-Hop album charts today after selling almost 400,000 copies in the US and getting rave reviews from the press. The CD features Usher, Kid Rock, Nelly, Ludacris, Keyshia Cole,…
It Was a Slow News Day Until We Suddenly Got All This Energy
From the swag department comes the modern era of energy drinks, if these promotional materials from Glacéau are to be believed. First things first: The Modern Era actually spanned from the Industrial Revolution to the end of the Second World War, but nice try, guys. And now it’s time for…
Base Brawl
Nope. Nothing phallic about this image. Not a thing. Well, the big news from the Astros/Rockies game was going to be that Lance Berkman actually got an extra base hit. But then Lance went nuts and got himself tossed from the game after he charged an umpire. And let’s not…
Just Released CDs
New CDs out this week include Daddy Yankee’s El Cartel: The Big Boss. The line-up includes plenty of Daddy Yankee spitting out rhymes in machine gun Spanish and a “Impacto” remix featuring Fergie. To hear “Impacto” click the Listen button…
Prison Love
Steve McVicker, former Houston Press and current Chron staffer (and David Crosby look-alike), got his name in Variety yesterday. Actor Jim Carrey has signed on for the movie version of I Love You Phillip Morris, McVicker’s chronicle of the life of Steven Russell, a conman who broke out of prison…
Robb’s Review: On the Menu
What kind of Vietnamese appetizer looks like a deflated yellow football and is filled with bean sprouts?…
Robb’s Review: On the Menu
What kind of Vietnamese appetizer looks like a deflated yellow football and is filled with bean sprouts?…
Another Dispatch from the Streets of Houston
Keith Plocek for HouStoned Images Ltd., Ulmtd. Satch and Scott This morning Satch, our favorite homeless essayist, had his first protest in front of City Hall. That is, if two dudes standing around and holding signs counts as a protest…
And They’re Off…
They came. They saw. They took photos with their phones. You can see the contenders in our May contest for high school students here. Be sure to come back and vote for your favorite in the comments section of this post. The winners get bookstore gift certificates. The theme for…
Honus Hour
“The Card” is a baseball card. From 1909. It features Pittsburgh Pirate shortstop Honus Wagner. The card is valuable because not many of them exist. There are two accepted reasons for this: “The Card” was part of a cigarette package, and Wagner didn’t want his name attached to cigarettes; or,…
Groin Pains
Okay, just because I can’t quite abandon the Astros, even on a night off… I just thought that I would remind everybody that the New York Yankees and the Tampa Bay Devil Rays have better records than the Astros. And having seen the D-Rays a bit, I have more of…
Higher Dimensions
The concept for Joel Trussell’s War Photographer could only come to life through animation. In the short, set to the song of the same name by breakcore musician Jason Forrest, the crews of two pirate ships do battle with super-powered musical instruments. Every note of Forrest’s rollicking instrumental is reflected…
YouTube Monday
Calling all Cars, we have reports that pimp, playa, gangster of love and all-around music genius Johnny “Guitar” Watson is on the loose. Do not attempt to apprehend this heavily armed (and legged) suspect, the baddest motherfucker Third Ward, Texas ever produced. Just walk up to him and say “It’s…
We Love Our Boobie
LeBron loves him some Boobie. You’ll have to forgive me, but I just can’t be bothered to talk about the Astros right now. For one thing, they suck. For another, they’re also exceedingly boring. Instead, I’d like to take a moment to address the half dozen or so remaining NBA…
Mexican Invasion
The Chron has an item today on one of our favorite Mexicans. Click here to check it out. — Keith Plocek…
Astros Report Card
No need to get too excited, buddy. Well, the Astros have finished up with a third of the season. And you’ve read my daily thoughts on the Astros. So I thought I would give grades to the team, the players, coaches, and front office. The Astros as a whole: C…
Live Shots: Lone Star Porn Star
Check out new photos of Lone Star Porn Star by Dana Donovan…
We’re Number One!
Over the weekend, the Associated Press reported that Texas leads the nation in carbon emissions. Texas, the leader in emitting this greenhouse gas, cranks out more than the next two biggest producers combined, California and Pennsylvania, which together have twice Texas’ population. […] Texas, where coal barely edges out cleaner…
We’ve Got a Man-crush on Hunter Pence
Well, the Astros started off the second third of the season in the same manner that it ended the first third of the season, by losing two of three this weekend to the St. Louis Cardinals. But, before I get to the Astros wrap-up, I’ve got two things with which…
And Really, You Could Wear It Anywhere
Looks like someone has designed the perfect T-shirt for this Sunday’s Dynamo game against F.C. Dallas. — Keith Plocek…
Two Gay Guys Kicked Out of a Cab in Downtown
As you might’ve guessed, this is not the cab in question. A few weekends back, a fellow (whom we’ll call Scott) left South Beach with two buddies at 2:30 a.m. and got into a Yellow Cab, headed for home. What happened after that is subject to debate, although both sides…
Hard Out Here for a Flack
The Texas Copperheads, a local arena-football team, are always aggressive about issuing press releases in the pursuit of getting fans to show up at their games in Katy. Surely they believed they had hit some sort of jackpot this week with the Bossier City/Shreveport Battlewings coming to town. Why? The…
Lomax’s Weekend Round-Up
Scott Miller Shows you shouldn’t miss until Monday…Scott Miller’s always been one of our faves. The Appalachian pop-rocker – former leader of the V-Roys — sports songs that are as rocking as they are clever, and some of the funniest and most vicious ‘tween-song banter this side of Todd Snider…
Back Out of Action
Bad news for the Comets: Superstar Sheryl Swoopes has been diagnosed with a bulging disc in her lower back and will be out for two to four weeks. This is the part in the post where we’d normally make a joke, but we got nothing. Sorry, folks. Just pretend you’re…
Were You Watching, T-Mac?
It’s good to be the King. Thursday night, LeBron James provided a coming of age, tour de force performance that not only propelled his team to the brink of an NBA Finals berth, it also perfectly illustrated the gulf separating Tracy McGrady and true superstardom. In case you missed it,…
Keeping It Real
So we got a call yesterday from a guy who knows this guy who hangs out with rapper Rob G, right? Anyway, this guy – not the guy who knows the guy, but the actual guy – goes by the name of Big J and he’s trying out to be…
Hungry?
Our staff photographer Daniel Kramer saw this sign in Laredo Taqueria on Washington yesterday…
Hungry?
Our staff photographer Daniel Kramer saw this sign in Laredo Taqueria on Washington yesterday…
Guess Where We’re Going for Lunch
Our staff photographer Daniel Kramer saw this sign in Laredo Taqueria on Washington yesterday…
Re: KA Paul Charged with Being a Really Sketchy Dude
Courtesy of Global Peace Initiative And who wouldn’t want a hug from this guy? Anand “KA Paul” Kilari, who was arrested in Beverly Hills in April for allegedly trying to get his evangelical freak on with a minor, finally got around to providing the Press with a statement. However, it…
Last Night: GZA in Austin (Cuz We Missed Him in Houston)
Photos by Jeremy Martin Date: May 31, 2007 Venue: The Parish Better Than: Meeting the GZA alone in an abandoned subway tunnel. “I’m going to die face down in an alley tomorrow.” That’s pretty much all I could think about during last night’s concert in Austin at the Parish, when…
It Had to Happen Sooner or Later
Editor’s note: Why the hell not? Okay, here’s something that I haven’t written in awhile: ASTROS WIN! ASTROS WIN! ASTROS WIN! (Before I go further, I’d like to ask my editor if there’s any legitimate reason out there to link to a picture of Ashley Judd again. It sure made…
Houston, We Have an Unoriginal Headline
You ever wanted to attend a baseball game with Tom Hanks? That’s nice. We hope that works out for you. How about the astronaut who was played by Tom Hanks in Apollo 13? Well, that we can do, so long as you’ve got some cash you’re willing to donate to…
Life of Illusion
There’s a wise old philosopher who once wrote: “Sometimes I can’t help the feeling that I’m Living a life of illusion And oh, why can’t we let it be And see thru the hole in this wall of confusion I just can’t help the feeling that I’m Living a life…
A Dispatch from the Streets of Houston
We got a call yesterday from a homeless fellow named Satch who asked us for advice on how to stage a protest against the City of Houston. Satch figures his First Amendment rights are being violated every time a cop tells him to move along when he’s trying to get…
Down and Dirty Entertainment
Check out the new YouTube video by the Down N Dirty Entertainment crew. Click here to see the video…
Blame St. Louis and Trade Brad Lidge
They’ve made us their bitches… again. The Astros suck. On this I suspect we can all agree. Blame curses. Blame Drayton McLane, Tim Purpura, Phil Garner, the players or Junction Jack. Blame whatever or whomever you wish. The end result remains the same. Me? I choose to blame the 2006…
Rollin’ on the Island
If you live in or care about Galveston Island, it might be worth your while to mark off this coming Monday on your calendar. At 6:30 p.m. at the Galveston Country Club, the managing director of the Marquette Companies will be on hand to discuss the latest huge housing development…
One Shy of the Record
Sure, putting this photo here is kind of gratuitous, but we don’t hear any complaints. Okay, before I get on with the Astros update, I’ve got a complaint to make to Fox Sports Houston. Yeah, I know that Dario Franchitti just won the Indy 500. And I know that he…
The Graduate
Yeah, but the book was better. Sure it was, smarty pants. Everyone knows the book was better. It doesn’t matter what you’re talking about, the book is almost always better. So it should come as no surprise that one of the greatest teen movies ever isn’t even a movie. It’s…
Immigrant Song
When Colorado Rep. Tom Tancredo made national news by portraying Miami as “a third-world country,” Florida’s public officials reacted swiftly, touting the area’s world-class beaches and distinctive Latin flavor. The MC known as Pitbull was less diplomatic with Tancredo. “Tell that congressman: ‘Que se ponga el deo [dedo] en culo,…
Art Capsule Reviews
City Glow Self-styled Pop Art star Chiho Aoshima emerged out of the “factory” art group founded in Tokyo in the late ’90s by Takashi Murakami. Her computer-generated images reference manga comics and anime cartoons, with wide-eyed characters and line drawings. Like Murakami, Aoshima believes in the contributions pop genres have…
Hooters
“When I got the rights to do this play from the Dramatists Guild, they said I couldn’t change a single line,” Pendulum Theatre Company artistic director Holly Vogt Wilkison says of Ted Tally’s 1978 play Hooters. Considering that, amongst other dated references and slang terms, one character hits on a…
Aaron Loesch Vies to Become the Guitar Center King of the Blues
True story: I have dreamed I have played only three pieces of music. Each time, the experience was as exhilarating and as much a dream I’ll never see as the ones in which I could fly or had scored with Donna Summer (1984 version), Kim Basinger (1989) or Norah Jones…
Student Bodies
Publisher: Konami
Platform: PSP
Price: $39.99
ESRB Rating: T (for Teen)
Score: 6 (out of 10)
“Dimensions of Constructive Art in Brazil: The Adolpho Leirner Collection”
Maurício Nogueira Lima’s Objeto rítmico no. 2 (segunda versão) reminds us of one of those visual illusions on the side of cereal boxes. Black and yellow boxes are swirled together by a series of circular lines…or are they? Mari Carmen Ramirez, Wortham Curator of Latin American Arts at the Museum…
Rock and Roll Autobiographies
You know you’ve made it into the rock and roll pantheon when Neil Strauss or Kurt Loder comes around lugging a laptop and tape recorder, desperate to get you to spill the beans for a two-inch-thick tome about your daily debaucheries, past or present. Such is the story of musicians’…
DVDs
Hannibal Rising (Weinstein) Pointless beyond belief, Hannibal Rising serves more as a cautionary tale than horror story. Made for $50 mil, the movie pocketed half that during its U.S. run and likely wound up in the red — an appropriate adios for a franchise starring a peripheral character better served…
SHERLOCK’S
“Where’s Chris?” I ask Neena, whose boyfriend disappeared without warning 20 minutes ago. “He’s dropping the Browns off at the Super Bowl,” she replies with the attitude that can only come from a woman who shares a bathroom with her live-in boyfriend. We’re at Sherlock’s (1952 W. Gray, 713-521-1881) on…
On set with Weird Al Yankovic
Kurt Cobain once said he first realized Nirvana had “made it” only when Weird Al Yankovic came calling. And indeed, since his 1983 debut, pop’s premiere parodist has had a surprisingly stable career, outlasting many of the acts he’s poked fun at (Men Without Hats, Cherry Poppin’ Daddies, Taylor Hicks)…
Our top DVD picks for the week of May 31
Above the Law (Genius) The Andy Griffith Show: Complete Series Collection (Paramount) Big Train: Seasons One and Two (BBC Warner) Biography: Legends of the Silver Screen (A&E) Circle of Iron: 2-Disc Special Edition (Blue Underground) The Closer: The Complete Second Season (Warner Bros.) Drive Thru (Lionsgate) The Foursome (Universal) Free…
Lifesavas
Portland, Oregon-based hip-hop group Lifesavas have a lot riding on the CD they released just last month, Gutterfly, which is the follow-up to 2003’s Spirit in Stone. Not to worry — the powerhouse trio absolutely delivers, taking a route no one ever could’ve expected. Instead of doing one of those…
Cannes d’Awards
Cannes, France — The 60th Cannes Film Festival was a generous one — and so was its jury, bestowing the Palme d’Or on the least heralded, most critically acclaimed movie in an unusually strong competition, namely Romanian director Cristian Mungiu’s 4 Months, 3 Weeks, and 2 Days. Mungiu’s skillfully directed,…
Ozma
Pasadena, California’s Ozma has come a long way since 1999’s Songs of Inaudible Trucks and Cars, their debut album released on homemade CD-Rs. Although the power pop quintet still maintains a new wave influence, it is now much less cartoonish. On Pasadena, the group’s latest release, the band no longer…
We Aren’t the World
Cannes, France — The Coen brothers’ pulpy, ultimately pretentious neo-western No Country for Old Men screened early in the Cannes Film Festival and, by the end, had maintained its standing as the most widely approved Yankee feature to bow here since Pulp Fiction (though it didn’t win any awards). Once…
Accordion Kings & Queens
If the squeezebox is your thing, you won’t want to miss the Texas Folklife’s 18th annual Accordion Kings & Queens concert. This year’s diverse lineup features Chubby Carrier and the Bayou Swamp Band, Mingo Saldivar y sus Tremendos Cuatro Espadas, and Ginny Mac and the Road to Texas Band. A…
The Joy in the Bubble
Last weekend, as Jerry Bruckheimer’s pirates were once again storming the international box office, the Cannes Film Festival (May 16-27) bestowed its two top prizes on a gut-wrenching Romanian movie about backroom abortion and a plaintive Japanese drama about a sad old man who wants to dig his own grave…
Noise Fest ’07
This weekend promises to be a hot one. And no, we’re not talking about Brian McKnight playing to a sold-out crowd on Friday. Nor Stevie Nicks’s set on Saturday. This weekend, children, is Noise Fest, so get your whiny poser ass over to the Southmore House. There, you will be…
Mexican American Culture
Dear Mexican, Has the 1965 Immigration Act proved to be a good thing or bad thing for America, and has the recent unprecedented flood of immigrants (both legal and illegal) been an overall good thing or bad thing for America? Please fully explain your answer and include economical, cultural and…
Venetian Bistro & Pastry Shop
The delicate crust on the cheese pastry at Venetian Bistro & Pastry Shop on Bellaire shatters into tender, buttery flakes as soon as I take a bite. The mild cheese inside tastes like a cross between farmer’s cheese and cream cheese. This is the first course of my Venezuelan-Cuban breakfast…
Grand Luxe
The lemon meringue pie ($5.95) at Grand Luxe (5000 Westheimer, 713-626-1700) is shaped like a giant Hershey’s kiss. At the base is a crusty tart filled with a tangy, sweet lemon curd filling. A stark white meringue is piped on top, then shaped into a cone and carefully flamed to…
Border Fence May Destroy Wildlife Habitat
“If someone can swim a river, they can climb a fence.” — Mike Allen, McAllen Economic Development Corporation “If you build a ten-foot fence, they’re going to find an 11-foot ladder.” — Steve Ahlenius, president/CEO McAllen Chamber of Commerce Father Roy is gunning the bass boat in the hot noonday…
Knocked Up
A few friends of mine who’ve adored Judd Apatow’s Knocked Up at early screenings have nonetheless voiced a similar complaint: There’s no way pin-up-pretty Katherine Heigl would end up with soaked-in-bongwater Seth Rogen, not even while drunk on a gallon of Everclear and stoned on a field of your finest…
Scotch Daiquiri Flambé, Anyone?
Jim’s going to make you a Scotch daiquiri,” Stephen informs me as we stand at the bar at Notsuoh (314 Main, www.myspace. com/notsuohmusic). “No, he’s not,” I growl. If anyone blasphemes whisky by using it in some cute cocktail, I’m going to leave and you can walk home.” Stephen holds…
Mr. Brooks
Mr. Brooks — in which Kevin Costner plays a respectable Seattle businessman who kills for thrills, thanks to the goading of an imaginary friend who looks a lot like William Hurt — is stunningly tepid, neither the clever and poignant metaphor for addiction it strives to be nor the darkly…
Laura Braciale: “Propositions”
Houston artist Laura Braciale is in the matchmaking business. But she’s not setting up lovers, she’s pairing canvases with everyday objects. Her exhibition “Propositions” includes Bean Bag Era, a white canvas sitting on black bean bags. The canvas’s bottom corners are accented with blue-and-yellow rainbow shapes that seem to resonate…
Treasure Island
After sitting, slack-jawed and seething, through the Alley Theatre’s world-premiere adaptation of Robert Louis Stevenson’s classic adventure novel, you might be tempted to rename it Ken Ludwig’s Pirated Tale, or The Alley at Sea, or Jim Hawkins in Drag. Whatever you call it, it isn’t Treasure Island, and more’s the…
“Superheroes Alter Egos”
It turns out even superheroes have to pick up groceries — at least according to local artist David Chien. For his exhibit “Superheroes Alter Egos” at the Buffalo Bayou Art Park, he has placed three wooden sculptures of a red-and-blue-clad superhero in the expansive outdoor space along Buffalo Bayou. One…
Killing Fences: Totally Misconstrued
Russ Knocke, public affairs officer for the U.S. Department of Homeland Security, is an affable and definite true believer. His job is to field media queries about DHS, and he does this in good order, if at breakneck speed. He speaks in sentences that are quick, somewhat repetitive, bureaucratic, occasionally…
Houston Ballet Premieres
Mabel Buntz, the school nurse, lumbered into the hall / The scourge of each virus and germ / Though Nurse Buntz was decidedly wider than tall / Her size didn’t hamper her movements at all / When she daintily waltzed at the Elephant Ball / A flirtatious and pert pachyderm…
“Frogs: The Sequel”
“Frogs! A Chorus of Colors” is back at New York City’s American Museum of Natural History, but the sound of horny croaking hasn’t left the Houston Museum of Natural Science. In response to the popularity of the traveling exhibit, the museum has put together “Frogs: The Sequel.” Hmm, we would’ve…
Hurricane Forecasts, Telemarketers, Evacuation Plans
Summer has never been the same around here since 2005, when Hurricane Katrina demolished New Orleans and Hurricane Rita demolished every Houstonian’s desire to get on a highway ever again. Last year’s hurricane season was a dull bust (not that we’re complaining), but every expert is predicting doom and gloom…
Stage Capsule Reviews
Design for Living Nol Coward’s Design for Living (1933) can be neatly summed up by Leo, one of the trio of main characters, as he explains the situation to Gilda: “The actual facts are so simple. I love you. You love me. You love Otto. I love Otto. Otto loves…
“Black Light/White Noise”
Like a pimped-out ride, the Contemporary Arts Museum Houston has been revamped, lit up and filled with reverberating speakers — all in an effort to “subvert people’s notions about how to perceive art,” according to Valerie Cassel Oliver, curator of “Black Light/White Noise,” which may be the most fun exhibit…
Mail Call
Our online readers respond to “Houston Radio Still Sucks” [Racket, by John Nova Lomax, May 10], about the state of old-fashioned radio in Houston. I totally agree: I always said if I ever won the lottery (if I ever start playing the lottery), I would buy a radio station and…
The Halle “Universe”
The hits keep coming from the Latin American Art Department at the Museum of Fine Arts, Houston. The current success is “Constructing a Poetic Universe: The Diane and Bruce Halle Collection of Latin American Art,” organized by Beverly Adams, curator of the Diane and Bruce Halle Collection. Because the show…
When the Animals Rebel
Librarians just might revolt at today’s opening of Mike Stilkey’s installation When the Animals Rebel at Rice Gallery. The Los Angeles artist has scrawled a cityscape filled with buildings, people, clouds, anthropomorphic animals and miscellaneous Western-style images across the spines, covers and pages of hundreds — maybe even thousands –…