What's In a Name? Hey, Look, It's 10th Gräde Cütie Again!

Jef Rouner October 29, 2009 10:30AM

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It's a well-known fact that most band names are essentially gobbledygook, but here at Rocks Off, we're trying hard to decode Houston's oddest monikers in order to find a little meaning.

We mean this with affection and sincerity: 10th Gräde Cütie destroys everything they touch and should be booked only with the utmost caution.

They've been banned from Super Happy Fun Land (recently lifted), Dan Electro's Guitar Bar and especially White Swan for a legendary physical altercation with the staff. They are loud, drunk and rude. Eh, it's punk rock. Whaddya gonna do?

So why call a band of degenerate reprobates that sounds like Sloppy Seconds 10th Gräde Cütie? Rocks Off shot the band an email to find out.

It's always a blast to find out what names a band did not choose, and in this case the list of passed-over monikers include Rocky IV, Upside Down Inverted Cross and Stryper: Not Affiliated with The Real Stryper. After axing these gems, they decided to name the band after an award won by Lil' Blaine (Vocals/Guitar) in high school. Whereas some are nominated in the yearbook to be Most Likely to Succeed, Blaine was nominated 10th Grade Cutie, which is usually reserved for female sophomores.

Thoroughly amused, Blaine ended up winning the coveted award and appears as thus in his school's yearbook. We have no confirmation, but we believe that whoever was Most Likely to Succeed now masturbates animals for artificial insemination.

But what of the umlauts? 10th Gräde Cütie has two in its name, though the number and placement tend to change based on the level of inebriation of the band. It seems a little much, well past the legal limit for non-Nordic death metal bands.

According to Rex Ronan (vocals/bass), they are an ironic tribute to pretty much every glam-metal band that ever existed and an unironic tribute to Motörhead and Hüsker Dü. When pressed further, Ronan admitted he just likes typing umlauts in Microsoft Word, something your humble reporter is getting real bloody sick of!

We'll slog through the umlauts to answer the question that is burning in your minds; Is that a public-school 10th Gräde Cütie or a private-school 10th Gräde Cütie?

"Public school cuties," says Ronan. "It's easier to pick them up than it is to pick up girls who go to private school, because the private-school girls have things like self-esteem, shame and standards. Also, their campuses are more secure."

No one's safe from these drunken umlauts. Run for your lives.

FINAL DEFINITION

10th Gräde Cütie: Noun. 1) One who causes mayhem with music (see also: Lydon, John); 2) An award given to a recipient who is the opposite gender of the intended winner. 3) Fucking umlauts!!

10th Gräde Cütie plays 8 p.m. tonight at Super Happy Fun Land, with ReDeMeR, Omotai, Serum Fantis, and BlackMagicMarker.