I’ve lived to see a reality-TV star become president and a woman become a doctor, so nothing truly shocks me anymore. Why would anyone be shocked that Kid Rock is considering a Senate run? To accept that Rock is running for higher office you have to accept that Kid Rock is in fact still alive, a fact that I was unaware of until these rumors started.
I mean, few artists have burned as bright and faded away as Kid (is it man yet?) Rock? You know his story, of course you do: he released a pretty solid (I give it a B+ depending on my mood) debut album – Devil Without a Cause – with one truly stellar single (“Bawitdaba”), then he released that Metallica cover, then he released that song that was in the best WWE package of all time, then he released the greatest song of all time, and then he disappeared, presumably retiring to a nice trailer park on whatever island his rap equals Tupac and Biggie live on. I mean, after you mash up Warren Zevon and Lynyrd Skynyrd, what more can you do?
But he’s back and he wants to head to Washington, and God bless him for that. If only we were all lucky enough to try and join the machine. Still, if you’ve found yourself asking, “I know I might one day be able to vote for Kid Rock, but should I one day vote for Kid Rock?” fear not; here’s a brief rundown of his beliefs, using in his own words.
Everyone needs a motto, and with “you only live once” already taken, Kid Rock had to get creative.
If you have a hard stance about keeping your pants under your own control, maybe Kid Rock isn’t your candidate.
Not sure what, if anything, this means for auto manufacturing, but just thought you should know.
At least he is familiar with the scourge of drugs.
I assume this means he’s in favor of campaign finance reform.
Well, he’s definitely not running as a socialist.
#KidRockLivesMatter
Ever wonder how many anti-safe space politicians wish they could say this?
It’s good that at least one politician isn’t afraid to voice his stance on mythical creatures.
Let the illuminati theories begin!
This article appears in Jul 13-19, 2017.
