Rocks Off sat down with Robert Ortiz of Escape the Fate, to find out what we could learn about the drummer for the ball-slappin’est hardcore band we know in 30 seconds.

Rocks Off: What is the worst song in the world?

Robert Ortiz: I would say any song from [the] techno, industrial and Dubstep genres could qualify as the worst song ever.

RO: What is the best lyric in the world?

Ortiz: “You look so much cuter with something in your mouth” by Nickelback. Just kidding.

The best lyric is “At the end of the day goddamn I’m killing this shit/ I know damn well y’all feeling this shit” from Kayne West’s “Power,” because he is saying, “You can hate on me all you want, but you love what I’m doing.”

RO: Someone throws a beer bottle at you. What do you do?

Ortiz: Bob and weave.

RO: Without worrying about time, space, or the laws of physics, what is the ultimate gig?

Ortiz: Gravity would be required because it helps me dance. I would use the entire moon, have the world converge into one central location, say Cairo, Egypt, and I would perform for them, with the entire moon as my backdrop. For my finale, I would use the sun for pyro!

RO: What will you buy with your first million dollars?

Ortiz: A bigger stage, and my own bus.

RO: What would you buy with your last dollar?

Ortiz: A lottery ticket.

RO: If you could canonize another musician, who would it be, and of what would they be the patron saint?

Ortiz: That would be Metallica, and they would be the patron Saint of Awesomeness. Note that I would not call them St. Anger.

Escape the Fate plays with Alesana, Motionless in White, Get Scared, and Drive A tonight at Warehouse Live.

Jef With One F is the author of The Bible Spelled Backwards Does Not Change the Fact That You Cannot Kill David Arquette and Other Things I Learned In the Black Math Experiment, available now.

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Jef Rouner (not cis, he/him) is a contributing writer who covers politics, pop culture, social justice, video games, and online behavior. He is often a professional annoyance to the ignorant and hurtful.