Ask Willie D 1/7/2015

MY COUSIN SAT ON MY LAP AND I GOT AROUSED

Dear Willie D:

It was a family ride to the neighborhood pool. Everybody was already in their swimwear. My dad drove while my mom was in the passenger seat. I was in the back seat with my three sisters and my dad’s niece, who is average-looking but has a banging body. The back seat only seated four, so my cousin sat on my lap since it was a short ride.

About two minutes into our five-minute trip, I started to get a boner. I tried to think about other things but couldn’t. My cousin was sitting directly on my privates. I wanted to adjust myself but refrained because I didn’t want to make my sisters or cousin think I was a pervert.

My cousin knew what was going on because when we got out of the car, she sheepishly looked down at my bulge to see if I was still hard, which I was. Afterwards, we never said anything to each other about the incident. Is something wrong with me that I don’t feel ashamed about getting turned on by my own cousin?

Family Ride:

It’s natural for a guy to get aroused if “anything” is pressed directly against his private parts for an extended time. But just because something is natural doesn’t make it right. You’re not ashamed of getting turned on by your cousin, and she seemed to enjoy it.

Yes, something is definitely wrong with you…and her!

I FOUND OUT MY 16-YEAR-OLD DAUGHTER IS TAKING BIRTH CONTROL

Dear Willie D:

While doing laundry the other day, I dug into my 16-year-old daughter’s pants pocket and found a prescription for birth control with her name on it. While I’m proud of her for being responsible in protecting herself, as a mother I feel inadequate that she didn’t feel comfortable enough to come to me and share her feelings about having sex, and what to do to protect herself.

I knew that sex was getting near, so I’m not shocked that she’s having sex. But I want to ask her about the birth control and educate her on sex. I have an idea of how to approach the conversation, but I would like to also hear from you and your readers so that I don’t come off as intrusive and alienate her further. Thank you for your time.

Sex Education:

Don’t kick yourself, Mom. She’s sexually active, but at least she’s on the pill. So you must’ve done something right. Sit her down and tell her you found the pills, and how you found them. Then educate her about the responsibilities that comes with having sex at her age, but don’t be judgmental. Talk to her about STDs and ask her what she knows about them.

Inform her that birth control won’t prevent her from contracting HIV, herpes and other STDs. Make sure she knows there’s a huge difference between how boys view sex (physical) and how girls view sex (emotional). Let her talk, and ask her what you can do to open the lines of communication so that she doesn’t have to hide important issues from you in the future.

It’s going to be uncomfortable, but not as uncomfortable as quitting school to care for a baby, or taking medication to treat a sexually transmitted disease.

I WANT TO BUY A HOUSE BUT MY HUSBAND WANTS TO LIVE IN AN APARTMENT

Dear Willie D:

My apartment that I share with my husband and kids is too small. It was workable before the kids came along, but now it’s time to move up. We live in a two-bedroom place. The kids [a boy, four, and a girl, eight] share the second room.

All of my friends with kids live in homes, and some of their combined income is less than ours. I feel as though we are not advancing. My husband’s excuse for not wanting a house is that the taxes and maintenance will absorb too much of our income.

He has a valid argument, but the kids need their own rooms, and I think the benefits of more space and privacy far outweigh any financial sacrifices. I don’t need a brand-new, built-from-the-ground-up house, I just want a house. What do you think?

More Space:

Your husband is trying to be practical. But both of you have valid points. Sit down with your husband and have an honest discussion about what is important to each of you, and come to an agreement based on what is best for your family. Agree on a reasonable timeline to move into a new house.

A good compromise might be to find a home for lease, or one in which the monthly mortgage including property taxes is less than the amount you currently pay for rent. Then use the 1 percent rule (1 percent of the purchase price of your home) to estimate what your annual maintenance budget might be, and add that amount to your annual mortgage payments.

If your total is about the same amount or a little more than you’re already paying for rent, I can’t see why your husband wouldn’t hop on board and get the house. After all, an apartment divided cannot stand.

COMMENTS FROM ORIGINAL LETTER
“I’m Jealous of My Daughter’s Youth & Beauty”

Thank you for your advice. To be honest, when I wrote in, I didn’t think you would say anything to make me change the way I felt. But when you said that you were proud of your son’s youthful, handsome looks because you created him, and if he don’t look good, you don’t look good, that did it for me.

Since I took your advice, I now go places with my daughter and have no problem with men falling over her. I’m no longer jealous of her, and can now appreciate that we are in two different stages of life with each of us having her own unique advantages. I found your column and found a renewed love for my daughter. Thank you!

Different Stages:

Absolutely beautiful. You are a success, and I applaud your willingness to change yourself for the benefit of saving your relationship with your daughter.