MY BOYFRIEND DISAPPROVES OF MY MALE BEST FRIEND
Dear Willie D:
I’m a 28-year-old female, and my best friend is a guy whom I’ve known since middle school. I recently met a guy whom I like, and we have been dating for two months. When I told him that my best friend is a guy, he told me he doesn’t trust being in a relationship with a woman who has a guy for a best friend.
Since then I’ve been sneaking around talking to my friend. I want the two most important men in my life to be friends, but at the moment I don’t know how to facilitate that. Any words of wisdom?
Sneaking Around:
If you value your relationship with your best friend, tell your new guy if he wants to be with you, your friends are included in the package.
I can’t believe you kicked your friend to the curb whom you’ve known since middle school for some guy you’ve only known for two months? If that’s how you roll, I’m glad I’m not your friend.
MY LOUD GAY NEIGHBORS
Dear Willie D:
One week after my gay neighbors moved in, I told myself, ‘There goes the neighborhood.’ It’s three of them, all males, and they are the loudest, most disruptive and uncourteous people you ever want to meet. Workdays mean nothing to these animals. They disturb the peace well into the wee hours of the morning consistently. The weekends are even worse.
They always have visitors coming and going. I have asked them to quiet it down several times, called the police and went out in my front yard to give them the evil eye at times when I’ve seen them outside causing a disturbance. The ringleader is a short, skinny white boy.
If he thinks I’m watching, he will sometimes kiss his Mexican gay lover in the mouth, or start dancing to irritate me. I have a five-year-old son, and I don’t need him seeing them and thinking this type of behavior is normal. Why do gay people think they own America and act so uncivilized?
Quiet Down:
I empathize with you. I too have had the displeasure of dealing with disruptive neighbors. But what does being gay have to do with anything? And why is it necessary to point out their ethnicity? Personally, I have had disruptive neighbors from multiple sexual orientations and ethnicities. Your neighbors’ sexual preference and ethnicity have nothing to do with their capacity for civility. That has more to do with their lack of respect and consideration for others.
You sound just like the people who focus on race when a black person does something stupid…stupid! Be mindful of loose lips. When members of a community engage in uncivil behavior, and you use a broad stroke to recklessly indict other members of that community, that makes you the animal, not them.
WHAT DO I SAY?
Dear Willie D:
I was offered a promotion at work. The problem is I would have more duties and responsibilities, but the pay would be the same. If I say no, I would be looked at as not being a team player. If I say yes, I could use the title to my advantage on my résumé whenever I apply for a new job.
My boss wants an answer by next week. What should I say?
Team Player:
Being viewed as a team player and padding your résumé appear to be more important to you than money at the moment. So say yes and accept the position. It can’t hurt.
COMING TO TERMS WITH LOSING MY BABY
Dear Willie D:
Twenty-four weeks into my pregnancy, I had a stillborn child. I was doing laundry, and my water broke. When I got to the hospital and they ran some tests, I was told the baby was stillborn. That was the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through in my life.
I’m still trying to come to terms with everything. How do I get through this?
Hardest Thing:
I empathize with you. Sometimes traumatic things happen to us for reasons we can’t explain. But the way to get through it is to keep waking up and letting time do its job of healing.
There are also a number of organizations out there that offer support for parents grieving the loss of a child. Just search the Internet for “child loss grief support” to get the help you need. Fight on.
Ask Willie D anything at askwillied.com, and come back next Thursday for more of his best answers.
This article appears in Nov 5-11, 2015.
