Date: February 29
Name: Kid Rock
AKA: “Bob Ritchie”
Genre: Mullet rap
Best Known Song(s): “All Summer Long,” “Bawitdaba,” “Ladies and gentlemen, Mitt Romney!“
Key Demographic: Do you have KC HiLites on your jeep? Do you wear wifebeaters unironically?
Previous HLSR Appearances: 2011
Houston Connections, If Any: Plays ZZ Top’s “Tush” in concert. Billy Gibbons is from/lives in Houston. Works for us.
If You Like This, Chances Are You’ll Like: Uncle Kracker, “barely legal” pornography, American football and French fries.
Odds of Wearing a Hat: 1,000 percent
Because He/She’s Bald? He’s a cowboy. Hadn’t you heard?
Odds of Onstage Injury: Only if any livestock present become offended at his taking the name of the Bullgod in vain.
Odds of Barely Contained Cleavage: 38DD percent
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This article appears in Feb 23-29, 2012.
