The 2014 Houston Texans have a new coach, new players, new hope and the same dedicated fan base of Houston-based rappers. As in years past, they took to Twitter on game day to comment on the home team’s gridiron action.

And, as in years past, Rocks Off read their tweets more thoroughly and efficiently than Ryan Fitzpatrick reads defenses. Here are the highlights from the most frustrating loss of the year, a 33-28 defeat at the hands of Andrew Luck and the Indianapolis Colts.

10. The New Texans Drinking Game

9. Not Exactly How The Colts Scouting Report Described It…

8. How to Bury Your Season: Dig Hole Deep and Early

7. But Wait…The Comeback Is On!!!

6. He’ll Never Fail You #WWJJD?

5. ‘Face Time

More tweets on the next page.

4. Fitzcracktrick

3. Answer: Just One, If #99 Isn’t Double-teamed or Held. Question:

2. Jack Freeman = Nostradamus

1. Once Again, the Last Word

ROCKS OFF’S GREATEST HITS

The Ask Willie D Archives Houston’s Top 10 Places to Drink Alone Music’s Biggest Douchebags (2013) All the Houston References On Drake’s Nothing Was the Same Rest of the Best: Houston’s Top 10 Bars

This article appears in Oct 8-15, 2014.

Jesse’s been writing for the Houston Press since 2013. His work has appeared elsewhere, notably on the desk of the English teacher of his high school girlfriend, Tish. The teacher recognized Jesse’s...