The 2014 Houston Texans have a new coach, new players, new hope and the same dedicated fan base of Houston-based rappers. As in years past, they took to Twitter on game day night to comment on the home team’s gridiron action.

And, as in years past, Rocks Off read their tweets more thoroughly and efficiently than Ryan Fitzpatrick reads defenses. Note: Due to unfortunate circumstances occurring within the last three minutes of the second quarter, this week’s edition is a special “first half only” edition of Rappers Tweets. Pretty sure there wasn’t a second half to this game anyhow.

10. They Should Have Lined Him Up Over Center

9. Long, Sustained Drives Win Games. Unless Your Team Can Score 21 Points in 73 Seconds.

8. Give the NFL’s Second Leading Rusher the Football, Dammit

7. Don’t Forget, There Are Four Two Quarters to This Game

6. DJ AudiTory

5. Brian Cushing = Willy Loman

Story continues on the next page.

4. Every Ass-Whoopin’ Will Now Recall the Specter of the Cowboys Loss

3. “You Think It’s a Game? You Think It’s a Fucking Game?!?!”

2. It’s Not a Texans Problem. It’s a Houston Problem.

1. The Sound of Millions of Houston TVs Snapping Off Simultaneously

ROCKS OFF’S GREATEST HITS

The Ask Willie D Archives Houston’s Top 10 Places to Drink Alone Music’s Biggest Douchebags (2013) All the Houston References On Drake’s Nothing Was the Same Rest of the Best: Houston’s Top 10 Bars

This article appears in Oct 16-22, 2014.

Jesse’s been writing for the Houston Press since 2013. His work has appeared elsewhere, notably on the desk of the English teacher of his high school girlfriend, Tish. The teacher recognized Jesse’s...