Arian Foster: Five Other Things He Should Be Disciplined For

Wearing pink? Sit him out for the first quarter next week!!

Houston Texans coach Gary Kubiak disciplined star running back Arian Foster for missing a team meeting and showing up late for another.

He sat Foster out for the first quarter and part of the second against Oakland Sunday. (We’re sure he would have done the same if they were playing a legit NFL team.)

When Foster finally got back in the game, in the time he had left he
scored two touchdowns and had 187 years of total offense.

Obviously
he needs to be punished every week. But we’re sure he’s learned his
lesson, because the Texans are such high-character guys, so the team is
going to have to get a bit creative in finding things he’s done wrong.

5. His name, which too easily morphs his fan base into “Arian Nation.”
Fans
— Don’t even try it. It doesn’t work, not even ironically “because
he’s black, so it’s not racist.” We can only be thankful he’s not
German.

And yes. His parents should be the ones to blame for the
name. Two things: a) Shakespeare says “The sins of the father are to be
laid upon the children,” and we all know Gary Kubiak is a Merchant of Venice fanatic; and b) His parents can sit out the first period each week, too.

4. His poetry writing
A sampling (full version here):

I miss you like the sun rise
by Arian Foster

I miss you like the sun rise
Winter nights became reality’s home,
Snow men stand here like soldiers of Rome,
My tears freeze before they kiss the wind,
I think of warmth and miss you then…

Football players should not write poetry. Period. Unless each of their works begin with “There once was a man from Nantucket….”

3. Improper use of salad fork at training table.
You work from the outside in with silverware, dude. Didn’t you ever see Titanic?

2. Preferring Battle Red over Steel Blue.
Should be a full-game suspension, but Bob McNair will step in just so merchandise sales won’t be affected.

1. Not scoring a touchdown against the Cowboys.
Or two of them, come to think of it. Or five, while you’re at it.