Fat Husband, Cute Wife. What's Up With That?

I guess it started with The Honeymooners. You know, sitcom family equals fat husband, cute wife.

According to Jim. King of Queens. Grounded for Life. Still Standing. Hell, even The Simpsons. And the list goes on. What do they have in common? All star a sitcom husband who is fat and schlumpy and gross and whose wife is thin, cute, and oh-so-patient with her schlumpadump hubby.

So what’s up with that?

Slate contributor Matt Feeney once pondered this paradox, writing, “Since these pairings could not conceivably reflect the sexual or romantic desires of the female protagonists, they look a bit like arranged marriages.” But they’re not. They’re supposedly representative of free-choice American marriages. And that is so wrong.

I remember taking a Human Sexuality class in college (yes, I took out
student loans to listen to lectures on drag queens and masturbation —
the best money I ever spent, frankly), and one of the lectures focused
on good looks and mutual attraction. Our professor said that research
supported the idea that we tend to partner off with people who are
equivalent to us in terms of attractiveness. So if you’re a super-hot
female, you’re going to end up, most likely, with a super-hot male. If
you’re an average Joe, you’ll pair up with an average Jane, and if
you’re crack-the-mirror ugly, you’ll find true love with someone
equally cursed.

If you observe couples in public, you’ll find
that this theory pretty much plays out. When a couple breaks the rules,
typically the unattractive partner brings something besides looks to
the table — extreme wealth or fame, for example. (Think of the
model/ugly musician conundrum. Or Hugh Hefner.)

That all makes
sense, I think, but sitcom couples don’t follow this logic. The
husbands on these shows aren’t funny, interesting, wealthy, or even
nice. Instead, they moan and groan about their wives and families, sit
around on the sofa a lot, and, in the case of Ralph Kramden, threaten
physical violence. Ha ha.

I don’t suspect this type of casting
is ever going to change. I’m guessing the male writers and directors
enjoy imagining themselves as the lazy buffoons who nonetheless end up
with a hot wife they most likely don’t deserve. I’m just
wondering…who the hell watches this shit? If you could explain the
paradox, I’d appreciate it.