Once a pre-Christian celebration of the beginning of the summer, May 1
became associated with the labor movement and was eventually
appropriated by the Soviet Union. The Cold War has been over for almost
20 years, so what better way to commemorate May Day than by poking fun
at some famous movie Commies?
5. Crack Red Army paratroops — Red Dawn (1984)
When the history of World War III is finally written, the Soviet Union’s
decision to invade Colorado will be listed as a military blunder on par
with the invasion of Afghanistan.
Still, how the hell did they get all the way to Colorado?
4. Commie Martians — Invaders from Mars (1953)
The message behind this thinly veiled allegory for Stalinist takeover is
clear: only Commies beat their kids. Modern FBI domestic assault records
notwithstanding.
3. Not Gorbachev — Rocky IV (1985)
I’m taken back to the time I saw this in the theater with my parents, and
my Dad — doing his best Ronald Reagan impersonation — said, “Well, I’m
not gonna change.” Luckily, Rocky and the Soviet leader were able to
hold their own summit.
2. Mrs. Iselin (Angela Lansbury) — The Manchurian Candidate (1962)
I have nothing to say that could add to Lansbury’s excellent
performance. I will, however, echo the first YouTube comment and say
that if you like this movie you should totally listen to “Operation:
Mindcrime” by Queensryche.
1. Lt. Cmdr. Tom Ferrell (Kevin Costner) — No Way Out (1987)
2007’s Mr. Brooks marked Costner’s first return to a bad guy
role, meaning he was somehow able to avoid being typecast after No
Way Out’s shocker of an ending. And no, you don’t get spoiler
warnings for 20-year old movies. Grow up.
This article appears in Apr 30 – May 6, 2009.
