It’s almost here. After wading through the sludge of bowl season, with
just one more “go get me some popcorn” match left tonight between Troy and
Central Michigan (Admit it, ninety percent of you reading this have no idea
what state “Troy” is in), finally tomorrow Alabama and Texas will meet for
all of the marbles.
I have already gone on record with my thoughts on this game
— my human eyes tell me that Alabama is the better, more well-rounded
team. Recent history, though, actually favors the Longhorns.
For those who
are into these sorts of things, you know that Texas is the underdog in this
game; well, underdog has been a nice label to wear during this bowl season,
as the dogs have been crushing it not only against the spread, but winning
more than their fair share outright.
On top of that, Alabama has a fellow named Mark Ingram playing running back
for them, and in December he took home a piece of hardware called the
Heisman Trophy. I’m not sure how many of you have noticed, but toting the
Heisman Trophy into a championship game has been the equivalent of bringing
along Michael Scott as your wingman to a club in Manhattan.
However, much the same way there is a sick part of me that would actually
enjoy partying with Michael Scott, I am sticking with my Alabama pick, but
not before reminding myself of the five biggest championship game implosions
in recent college football history. As you’ll see, oftentimes to find
championship game futility, just follow the scent of one John Heisman:
5. FLORIDA DEFENSE, 1996 FIESTA BOWL
I’m not sure that Tommie Frazier gets the credit he deserves as a winner
and dominant “right place, right time, right system” guy. I mean, I think
people categorize him as an all-time great, but we’ve all been so Tebow-ized
these last four years, we forget that dominance existed before bible verses
were scrawled on eye black. Anyway, before Tebow became the ultimate right
place/right system guy, there was Frazier…ironically, carving up the
Florida defense in the 1996 Fiesta Bowl to the tune of 199 yards and one of
the all-time highlight reel runs. Check it out….
4. CHRIS WEINKE, 2001 ORANGE BOWL
Before the 2001 Orange Bowl in the coin toss, OU linebacker Torrance
Marshall was telling FSU quarterback Chris Weinke,”You got my boy’s
trophy!” He was referring to Heisman runner-up OU quarterback Josh
Heupel. That night, Weinke did everything but give the trophy back to
Heupel by laying an egg in a 13-2 loss to the Sooners. Weinke threw for 274
yards, but couldn’t get the ball into the end zone. Bonus futility points
for Weinke also for being like ten years older than everyone else on the
field and still sucking like a Hoover vacuum cleaner.
3. JASON WHITE, 2004 SUGAR BOWL
Perhaps the most nondescript Heisman winner since Gino Toretta, Jason White
came back from like twelve knee surgeries to lead the Sooners back to the
championship game in successive years, meaning that he is the one candidate
who gives us multiple plates of suck off of the suck buffet. His 2005
Orange Bowl performance was pretty wretched; hell, the Sooners were all
terrible that night, which may best be remembered for Ashlee Simpson getting
booed off the field at halftime. But as bad as White was against USC, he
was Fran Tarkenton compared to the 2004 Sugar Bowl against LSU where LSU
blitzed the ever-loving hell out of him and forced him into 102 yards
passing and two picks.
2. TROY SMITH, 2007 BCS TITLE GAME
People forget that before Ohio State became “that slow team from the MIdwest
that gets housed in BCS bowl games,” they were actually pretty good in big
games. The cycle of the glacial-speed stigma began in the 2007 BCS Title
Game, where the Florida Gators harassed, bum-rushed, and ransacked Heisman
winner Troy Smith into a four-completion, 35-yard nightmare
performance. This game will also be remembered as the dawning of the Age of
Tebow, and the three wise men bestowed upon him a big glass egg.
1. VINNY TESTAVERDE, 1987 FIESTA BOWL
The Mona Lisa of Heisman winner, turnover-laden, big game choke jobs. The
1987 Fiesta Bowl was actually before bowl games tried to cooperate to
arrange a matchup of the two best teams in the country. Back in 1987, the
bowls all had conference tie-ins and it was a land rush to sign up
opponents in the open slots opposite those conference tie-ins. Sometimes,
teams knew where they were bowling in mid-November! Well, in 1987, Miami
and Penn State were both independents and the Fiesta Bowl, looking to make a
splash, had no conference affiliations, so they were able to arrange the
matchup like it was a prize fight. And it was.
Miami showed up in fatigues and played the role of the heel to a T. Penn
State played their role as the underdog with particular aplomb as well. In
the end, it was the arm of Vinny Testaverde and his five picks that sent the
Hurricanes home packing — plain and simple, one of the all-time great
implosions ever. The Grandaddy of Implosions, really.
Listen to Sean Pendergast on 1560 The Game from 3-7 PM weekdays on the Sean & John Show, and follow him on Twitter at
http://twitter.com/SeanCablinasian.
This article appears in Dec 31, 2009 – Jan 6, 2010.
