There’s no two ways about it, my NFL playoff predictions have been
terrible. As I outlined on Monday, I reached a point this past weekend,
after going goose eggs on the first seven games, where I picked the Jets to
beat the Chargers outright merely because every rational thought and shred
of evidence I unearthed told me to take the Chargers and lay the points. In
other words, I did the opposite of what I thought the right thing was to
do.
The result? Jets 17, Chargers 14, of course.
So after going 1-7 in the first two weeks, I am fortunate enough to be
traveling this weekend back to Chicago to see my kids. (My older two turn
twelve today! Happy Birthday James and Judy Anne!) I say “fortunate”
because I do some of my best, most lucid thinking on airplanes, and make no
mistake these conference title games will require my “A” game. Add my
heightened airplane IQ to the inevitable Seanie Gin and Tonic System play on
the flight (one can tonic, two small bottles gin, two cups with ice and
lime) and basically air travel transforms me into a slightly inebriated
Albert Einstein.
So as I’m getting ready to head to the gate, I am taking down a coffee and
danish and watching Sportscenter in the airport bar. One of the talking
heads starts making lovey-dovey noises about Brett Favre this weekend, and
simultaneously a Pavlovian feeling of nausea overcomes my entire being.
This was a familiar feeling; certainly I’d felt it with Favre before, but
the last time I’d felt it was….trying to place it….I got it! TEBOW’S
LAST GAME!!
And then it hit me! Perhaps the answers in this weekend’s NFC and AFC title
games could be found in what amounted to the college conference title games
leading to the college version of the “Super Bowl”…BRILLIANT!!! I dug
further…and were there similarities? Oh you betcha. Here’s what I
found….
NEW ORLEANS SAINTS and ALABAMA CRIMSON TIDE
SIMILARITIES:
— The obvious one is the geographic similarity. Both teams reside in the
deep south where people’s rabid passion for football is exceeded only by
their rabid passion for their cousins.ย Both teams have quarterbacks from the great state of Texas (Shouldn’t we
treat that all as one word by now? It’s what everyone
says…greatstateofTexas!)
— Brees from Austin by way of Purdue, and
McElroy from powerful Southlake Carroll. Two Texas boys leading teams in the
SEC footprint. Go figure.
— Both teams have spent the last twenty years (up until the Tide’s win a
couple weeks ago over UT) in various states of downtrodden with occasional
teases and glimmers of hope.
I’D FEEL A WHOLE LOT BETTER ABOUT THIS “SIMILARITY” THING IF...
…the Saints had actually won ONE title. Just ONE. You know, since Alabama
has won the most in the history of college football and all.
MINNESOTA VIKINGS and FLORIDA GATORS
SIMILARITIES:
— Both have quarterbacks who seemingly every football analyst on television
would have allowed their wives to have sex with on their wedding night, like
in Braveheart — Commissioner Goodell grants Tebow and Favre PRIMA
NOCTA!!”
— Both have had their best success the last couple seasons when “getting the
ball in Percy Harvin’s hands” was a prominent part of the game plan.
— Jared Allen and Carlos Dunlap are arguably the best at their position on
their respective levels of football. And, BONUS, they can sit and wax
poetic with some cool DWI stories as well!
I’D FEEL A WHOLE LOT BETTER ABOUT THIS “SIMILARITY” THING IF… …Favre spent his offseason circumcising babies in the Phillipines.
INDIANAPOLIS COLTS and TEXAS LONGHORNS
SIMILARITIES:
— Both teams have been champions this decade. In fact, they did it within
thirteen months of each other back in 2006 and 2007.
—ย Both teams have the most decorated quarterbacks of the 2009 season, even
if neither one won the Heisman in their respective senior years of college.
Granted, each of them perfected the same pissy look on their faces when it
was announced they didn’t win.
— While the offense gets most of the attention for both teams, mostly
because of said quarterbacks, the defense has actually been the key to some
of their biggest wins of the season.
— The word “COLT”…Indianapolis COLTS…COLT McCoy…hey, no one said these
had to be GOOD reasons!
I’D FEEL A WHOLE LOT BETTER ABOUT THIS “SIMILARITY” THING IF… ….Peyton Manning and Austin Collie were roommates, and Collie had an
album of guitar songs coming out before Sunday.
NEW YORK JETS and NEBRASKA CORNHUSKERS
SIMILARITIES:
— Both teams have head coaches with defensive coordinator backgrounds, and
are largely regarded as two of the best at what they do on the defensive
side of the ball.
— Each team has the best defensive player at their respective levels playing
for them — Darelle Revis for the Jets, Ndamukong Suh for the Huskers.
— Both teams are offensively challenged to a degree because of quarterback
play; they’ll try and turn the game into a slugfest and dare you to beat
them in a 10-9 kind of game.
I’D FEEL A WHOLE LOT BETTER ABOUT THIS “SIMILARITY” THING IF…
….Rex Ryan weighed about two hundred pounds less and looked like David
Schwimmer’s more manly cousin.
So there you go — the NFC Championship game is the SEC Title Game, and the
AFC Championship Game is the Big XII Title Game. Hot damn, as the airline
waitress brings me round two of the Seanie Gin and Tonic System, I am
feeling so freaking smart. So knowing full well that logic and reason got
me nowhere the last two weeks, now it’s prediction time….
NFC TITLE GAME: New Orleans 32, Minnesota 13
AFC TITLE GAME: Indianapolis 13, New York Jets 12 (on a last-second Matt
Stover field goal, of course).
So there you go. Saints cover the four-point spread easy, and the Jets keep it
close. Who’s coming with me????
Listen to Sean Pendergast on 1560 The Game from 3-7p.m. on the Sean & John
Show, and follow him on Twitter at http://twitter.com/Sean Cablinasian.
This article appears in Jan 21-27, 2010.
