With his divorce over five years old and his kids now all grown up and college age, I guess it's time for Michael Jordan to officially pull up stakes in Chicago and sell the old homestead. And it appears he's doing just that, as Jordan placed his Highland Park, Illinois, mansion on the market today at a list price of a cool $29,000,000.
I doubt he'll take one more nostalgic stroll around the place before closing only because, at 32,000 square feet, Jordan would have to start said stroll immediately in order to complete it sometime before 2013.
So you know the square footage and you know the list price, how about you take a moment to learn a little bit more about the place the greatest athlete alive has called home since 1995?
6. The front gate Pull into the driveway and you're greeted with a front gate adorned with a large number "23," which ostensibly represented Jordan's jersey number while with the Bulls, but could just as easily have symbolized the number of people he thrashed in his Hall of Fame speech, the number of girlfriends he juggled on the side, or the number of times he dropped homophobic slurs on Kwame Brown and made him cry. One thing we do know: If you're interested in this house, the number 23 better mean something to you.
5. The house can be bought FURNISHED I would think if you had $29,000,000 (or at the very least, the ability to borrow $29,000,000) that you'd want to furnish it with your own touch, but admittedly this type of home shopping is going on miles over my head. Including the furniture with the home is cool, but it would have been much cooler if Jordan made like former Texans wide receiver David Anderson and sold his furniture on Twitter.
4. Four HALF bathrooms I've owned three houses in my lifetime, a couple of them I would consider to be fairly nice, and I still haven't owned a home with more regular bathrooms than Michael Jordan had HALF bathrooms in this home. Although when you consider that he had fifteen -- FIFTEEN! -- full bathrooms in the house, the ratio of full to half bathrooms seems right in line. It's all about sense of proportion, people. 3. One-car garage Nine bedrooms, 15 bathrooms, four half bathrooms, 32,000 square feet and this monstrosity has a one-car garage? Sheesh, what a loser.
2. Lock of the century -- it has a basketball court While this would seem a bit extravagant, for Michael Jordan isn't this just the equivalent of building out an office so he can take his work home with him? Putting it in plain English, the basketball court is just Michael Jordan's way of telecommuting. That's all.
1. Highland Park, the happiest place on earth! I love the slice-of-heaven description of Highland Park, Illinois. It practically sounds like they could sell tickets at the town border just to walk around, like a suburban Disney World. With an annual property tax bill of $165,224, it'd better be! My favorite part of the Highland Park overview:
Whether looking to shop, dine, see an international film, relax on the beach, golf, enjoy live music, or raise a family, Highland Park is a great place to live.
I don't know about you, but I only want to live somewhere that shows international films. Remember, if you're assessing a town in which to live, and they're showing some dogshit Adam Sandler flick at the community center, run the other way! Domestic films equals slums.
So are you sold yet? If you're wondering about qualifying for a mortgage, just know that with a 10 percent down payment and a mortgage rate of four percent on a 30 year fixed, you're looking at a monthly payment of $124,605.39.
According to my calculations, this means I could afford to live in this house for approximately 48 seconds. Or the equivalent of two possessions on the indoor basketball court.
We Believe Local Journalism is Critical to the Life of a City
Support Our Journalism
Damn, it's awfully expensive to "Be Like Mike."
Listen to Sean Pendergast on 1560 The Game from 6 a.m. to 11 a.m. weekdays, and watch the simulcast on Comcast 129 from 6 a.m. to 7:30 a.m. Also, follow him on Twitter at http://twitter.com/SeanCablinasian.