Our Application For Texas Poet Laureate

The Texas Commission on the Arts has announced that once again they are seeking nominations for the state poet laureate, musician, two-dimensional and three-dimensional artist.

We know nothing about music or art of any dimension, but dammit, we want that laureate job.

It must come with quite the cushy office in Austin. Lots of poet groupies. And nothing more strenuous than tossing out the occasional poem.

We can do that. And we can certainly celebrate the greatness of the Lone Star State in doing so.

For instance:

There once were some people from Jasper

Who thought black folks were just a disaster

They got them a truck

And said what the fuck

And showed that “new slave” who was master

Yeah, yeah, you’re right, that’s terrible. “Jasper” doesn’t even rhyme with “disaster.”

How about this?

I once met a girl from El Campo

Whose panties were always quite damp-o

She took on all guys

No matter their size

She really was quite the El Trampo

Wait, wait — don’t cast your ballots just yet. We couldn’t enter this thing without extolling the beauty that is the Houston area:

If you visit the county of Harris

You’ll know right away it’s not Paris

The refineries gleam

But oy! Does it seem

That their smell is just meant to embarrass

Hmmm. Maybe we should butter up the boss.