I finally managed to catch Avatar last weekend. I don’t know if
holding out this long was more because of the demands of infant children or
my holding out hope that withholding my handful of dollars might keep the
movie from steamrollering to the top spot in all-time box office. That last
option turned out to be a lost cause, as James Cameron’s latest took less
than two months to achieve this, and has since become the only movie to
gross $2 billion, the first to gross $1 billion internationally, and the
first to gross $100 million in specialized IMAX theaters.
Okay, first of all…wow,
was I wrong. I mean, I never said the movie was going to flop, just that
it wouldn’t make Titanic money. Clearly I underestimated the lethal
combination of Cameron’s Svengali-like hold on the moviegoing public, nerd
OCD, and the insinuation of furry porn in our society. For that, I can only
say mea maxima culpa.
And while it’s easy to talk about stuff like “inflation-adjusted dollars”
and inflated IMAX ticket prices, Avatar has been #1 at the box
office since it opened, holding out against supposed contenders like
Sherlock Holmes and The Book of Eli. Now that there’s no
longer a question of “if” the movie will shatter box-office records, all
that’s left is seeing how high Avatar can go.
Oh, and of course there’s going to be a sequel. And of course it will be in
3-D (which reminds me: congratulations, you assholes…because Hollywood
studios are such exemplars of original thought, every other tentpole release
from here on out will utilize the same eye-watering, migraine-inducing
technology). Admittedly, it’s hard to blame Cameron (who already has a couple sequels under his belt). The guy
spent five years and a couple hundred million dollars designing the
technology, after all. Hell, why not use if for all your next movies? Better
yet, see if George Lucas wants to make any more Star Wars movies
with it. I’m sure we all want to see an updated Jar-Jar.
Sorry, I’m just so giddy for Cameron…or “Jim,” as his friends call him.
Friends who may have spec scripts that wouldn’t require anywhere near the
time or money Avatar did, for example.
Having said that, Avatar really is the purest example of a “word of
mouth” performer I’ve ever seen. There wasn’t a built-in audience for it
(like you see with franchises and sequels), you could pretty much guess the
entire plot from the first trailer, and while the critical reception has
been very good, critics don’t affect box office (Transformers: Revenge
of the Fallen grossed over $400 million, for example). Believe me, I
used to be one.
And putting the critic hat back on last weekend, I saw a movie that was:
visually stunning, technicaly flawless, and wholly derivative. Seriously, I
stopped counting “influences” at 15, though I did come perilously close to
leaping up and shouting “For he is the Kwisatz Haderach!” when Jake
hopped on the Great Leonopteryx. There are also all the old Cameron
chestnuts: the strong environmental message, a paradoxical combination of
military hardware fetishism and intense distrust of the military, and
Sigourney Weaver.
But aside from the technological advances on display, nothing about the
movie screams “$2 billion!” I (sort of) understood Titanic: ladies
love cool Leo, after all. But while I mostly enjoyed Avatar, I
don’t really get why people are going to see it five, ten, or twenty times.
In a world where I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry can gross 120
mil, I guess anything’s possible.
Seriously though, Jim…call me. I have a great treatment for a full-length
Xenogenesis movie.
This article appears in Feb 4-10, 2010.
