Pop Rocks: Quick Hits

We’re going to mix it up a bit on Pop Rocks today. Usually, I stick with one
subject for the entire piece because I’d rather not depend too heavily on
snarky line-item entries. But let’s face it; sometimes there’s just too much
going on in the world of pop culture for me to focus on just one topic.
Sometimes I just don’t have time to expand on every major happening in the
entertainment sphere.

And sometimes I stay up until 4 a.m. drinking Arrogant Bastard and playing
Mass Effect 2. Let he who is without procrastinating sin cast the first
stone, whenever they get around to it.

Jessica Alba is apparently distressed
at reports a Chinese woman is getting plastic surgery to make her look
like the Fantastic Four star. Perhaps she’s more concerned a
non-native English speaker could easily have replaced her in The Love
Guru. And for 1/100 the price.

For all this talk about this year’s relatively lame Super Bowl commercials,
I still haven’t heard any mention of my favorite: namely that Viagra ad they played at
halftime with the Who songs in it.

Speaking of lame, they were talking about the Letterman-Oprah-Leno
commercial (hey, their initials are LOL…how woefully inappopriate)
this morning on Good Morning America. I especially liked that Leno
was praised for being able to laugh at the whole Late Night situation, since if anyone should be feeling wronged by the whole affair,
it’s Jay Leno.

Have the number of cover stories about Brad
and Angelina’s alleged break-up finally surpassed the number of stories
about Brad and Jen? And if the story is a Brangelina one but still mentions
Jennifer Aniston, does it count as both? Isn’t anybody keeping track of this
shit?

Howard Stern is reportedly considering replacing
Simon Cowell on American Idol. Finally, my dreams of seeing
Ruben Studdard on a sybian are that much closer to coming true.

Bill Murray says he’ll return to Ghostbusters III, but
only as a ghost. There’s a joke to be made here about Murray’s
post-Lost in Translation career, but I’m not the one to do it.

In the latest Page Six Magazine Sarah Silverman reveals that
ex-boyfriend Jimmy Kimmel never called her
pretty. I may not be Silverman’s biggest fan, but I wouldn’t call Kimmel
a go-to guy when it comes to attractiveness.

I can’t begin to express my surprise that Jennifer Aniston has
been “caught” in a bikini again. If only there was some way to avoid
wearing skimpy outfits in public.

Rob Lowe has revealed
himself to be a Colts fan. I’m still waiting for confirmation that
Peyton Manning’s poor performance in Super Bowl XLIV was due to the imminent
release of his and Lowe’s sex tape.

Wondering who’ll win the Best Actress Oscar? According to Sandra Bullock, it
won’t be her. This in spite of her already winning the Golden Globe and
the Screen Actors Guild awards. I agree with her, because movies about white
women mothering black men never win Oscars, right Jessica Tandy?