Want to really revel in your despair? Here’s the recording of Clemens’ announcement during yesterday’s seventh-inning stretch. The Yanks announcer, Suzyn Waldman, is a homer that makes Milo Hamilton sound objective, and she all but orgasms over the news. — Richard Connelly

The Houston Press is a nationally award-winning, 34-year-old publication ruled by endless curiosity, a certain amount of irreverence, the desire to get to the truth and to point out the absurd as well...