Keeping Score

Get a girl in record time, then get another one

It's an incredibly scientific process, but one renowned pickup artist has boiled it down to its essence: Cocky + Funny = Laid. It's the theory of relativity with nice pants and a martini. And in bars and clubs throughout the world, AFCs and PUAs are putting this theory to the test.

The life of an adult woman is one of dichotomies. In her everyday life, she wants to feel like a lady -- respected and admired. But in the bedroom, she wants to feel sexual. She wants to be fucked like a slut. -- David Shade, What Women Really Look For in a Man

No doubt there was a caveman at some point in prehistory who taught his fellow Cro-Mags how to get the least hairy, least snaggle-toothed cavewoman in the clan, even if they couldn't slay a woolly mammoth or build a fire.

But the modern age of fast-seduction began around 1990, when a SoCal dweeb named Paul Ross Jeffrey self-published How to Get the Women You Desire into Bed.Jeffrey, better known as Ross Jeffries, developed a system known as Speed-Seduction. It's based on neuro-linguistic programming, the pseudo-scientific practice of eliciting desired behavior from others. This is achieved subconsciously through subtle body language and "implanted" words.

Behold the Discovery Channel Pattern. If delivered with the right tone and body language, this formula can get your target thinking about mind-blowing sex. First, tell her you recently saw a show on the Discovery Channel about the people who design roller coasters. Tell her you learned about the three components to a successful attraction to the ride: an initial overwhelming arousal; an urge to get back on once you "get off"; and a feeling of danger even though you know you're in the hands of something safe. From there, you launch into the experience of riding a roller coaster: heart-pounding excitement, a buildup and release of tension, etc. Voilà.She's yours for the taking.

Jeffries used the Web as early as 1993 to spread the gospel of Speed-Seduction throughout the world. He made tapes, gave seminars, got lots of press. To AFCs, the whole idea of Speed-Seduction was the Holy Grail. Finally, there was a chance for shy, fat or bald guys to shine. User groups popped up online, as did countless Jeffries imitators, each boasting exponentially better techniques.

Jeffries's Web site promises you'll seduce at least three women in 90 days or "you pay nothing." His home-study courses range from $225 to $370.

But for $18.95 at AdvancedMacking.com, a guy named Anthony Berger says he'll get you three girls per week by showing you how to "talk to chicks and get them wet DURING the conversation." One can only hope Berger's better at macking than spelling. Choice quote: "Seduce & Mind-Fuck Women: That's were we shine!"

And in What Women Really Look For in a Man, David Shade includes chapters titled "Getting Her to Pose for Pics," "Slip in the Back Door" and "The Nipple Orgasm."

The field got crowded enough that, in 1999, Jeffries sued fellow poonhound R. Don Steele, author of How to Date Young Women (For Men Over 35). Steele had attacked Jeffries online, calling him a fraud and a kike, and Jeffries sued for libel. (Somewhat cryptically, Steele told the New Times Los Angeles, "I'm not anti-Semitic. I just hate kikes.")

The lawsuit achieved nothing; both men are still in business, but Jeffries is more popular. That may have to do with the fact that, as preposterous as it may sound, he bends over backward to explain that he is not a misogynist, that these techniques are designed to bring pleasure to both men and women.

On the other hand, Steele names the women he's slept with, including an 18-year-old when he was 48.

Cradle-robbing anti-Semites aside, the fast-seduction community isn't the lechfest it might sound like. There are those out there who want to share confidence-building techniques with the archetypal "nice guy," as on fastseduction.com.

Created about five years ago by Boston-based PUA Formhandle, the site is the most comprehensive compendium of techniques from big-time players as well as average guys who've stumbled into lucky streaks. There is a general forum, as well as discussion groups for different cities. The site also offers a wingman-pairing service for a seducer whose regular buddy is unavailable.

The 32-year-old Formhandle says his site is not a den of deception, but a way for guys all over the world to improve their attitude, social skills and confidence. It's a way for them to get over their insecurities and become the kind of guy a woman would like to get to know.

"Basically, it's no more deceptive than women putting on makeup to improve their…level of attraction to men," Formhandle says from Boston. "It's no more deceptive than push-up bras or heels or going to the gym to work out…This isn't just a game of words and seduction, it's an overall life improvement."

That's not to say the board doesn't have its share of coarse language. This is, after all, a community of guys, many of whom are sexually frustrated and have more on their mind than elegant prose. So you'll find guys like Nashvilleplayboy, whose mantra is "Pussy is pussy. It just happens to be wrapped in different wrappers. Don't get caught up in the wrapper."

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