My Friend Is a Real Hothead. Help!
Welcome to Ask Willie D, Rocks Off's advice column where the Geto Boys MC answers reader questions about matters, in his own words, "funny, serious or unpredictable." Something on your mind? Ask Willie D!
Photo courtesy of Peter Beste
WHAT TO DO ABOUT MY HOTHEADED FRIEND
Dear Willie D
I have a friend who cannot go anywhere without picking a fight. He is a classic hothead. The last time we were out at a bar, we got jumped by a group of guys because one of the guys with the other party paid a compliment to his girlfriend. I don't think the guy was trying to be disrespectful. She certainly didn't think so, or else she wouldn't have thanked him. It was five of them against three of us.
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We held our own, but our other friend ended up with a broken nose. I can understand not letting people push you around, but at what point does standing up for your manhood become a problem, and how do I deal with my friend's aggressive nature?
Standing up for your manhood becomes a problem when you start a fight but your friend ends up with a broken nose. You deal with your friend's aggressive nature by distancing yourself. Dude has confidence issues so he overcompensates by bullying and intimidation.
Don't take for granted that someone who has a problem with your friend won't kill you. I know of numerous instances where the innocent-bystander friend got killed, and the friend who initiated the confrontation walked away unscathed. If he continues to act a fool, your friend will probably get killed. Your only obligation as a friend is to warn him and go to the funeral. That's what friends are for.
TORN BETWEEN TWO LOVERS
Dear Willie D:
I'm caught between my first love and my present love. My present love's sex isn't anything like my first. My first turns me on like no one else. On the other hand, my present love gives me the world -- it's because of his medical conditions he can't perform like my first love who took my virginity.
I love my present love deeply. I don't want to hurt him by cheating because he's a very good person. But twice a month I have to call my first love. What must I do?
You're sneaking around hooking up with your ex-boyfriend on the side. That pretty much voids the whole don't-want-to-hurt-him-by-cheating thing. This is a loaded question, but you have to decide what's more important: having someone who is great in bed but is otherwise unavailable, or being with someone who is average sexually and gives you the world? The right answer to that question should have come in the time it took you to read it.
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Dear Willie D:
What does it mean when a female tells you she's not interested in having kids, but when you have sex with her she wants you to take off the contraceptive, and she's not on the pill?
It means she's trying to get pregnant, and believe she's found a fish-eyed fool from a cave in the Himalayas to do the job.
Dear Willie D:
I'm a happily married woman with two kids, and a wonderful job. My problem is my coworkers, and a particular girlfriend. They are always speaking so negatively about men. Most of them are single, divorced or having some type of relationship issues. When I tell them I cook for my husband, and wash his clothes they turn their noses up at me as if I passed gas or something.
Whenever my friend asks me to hang out, and I tell her that I'm going to consult with my husband first, she loses her mind. I know that a lot of new-age young women find my ways repulsive, but I don't view consulting with my man before I hang out with my girls or make major decisions as being passive, or weak. To me it's all about respect, and common courtesy.
That's what I saw my mom do with my dad, and 32 years later they're still in love, and going as strong as ever. What I struggle to understand is most of the women I know want to be in a serious relationship with a man who treats them good, but they don't want to sacrifice anything because they're much too prideful. My friend relentlessly dogs me for being the way that I am, but yet I'm in a happy relationship and she's not.
It hurts me to think that she might be a home-wrecker. I know she's hurting, but I want her to stop making insensitive comments about my marriage. How should I go about addressing her without hurting her feeling?
Oh how misery loves company, and plenty of it. It's difficult for a happily married woman, or any woman who is committed to making her relationship work, to hang out with women who are single, divorced or unhappily married. Oftentimes, women who fall into these categories are jaded, and they see the worst in all men, including yours. Men are similar in nature, but it's harder for a bitter man to influence his friend on how to treat the woman he's with, because men put their women above their friends, while women put their friends above their men.
Having friends butt in on our relationship matters from time to time is the price we pay to have friends. But if your friends are always trying to get you to see your partner's perceived faults rather than his virtues, you should consider new friends. Having said that, women who have a good relationship should be mindful that some women just don't want to hear that they have to check with their husband before going to the nail shop with their girlfriend. So instead of telling your friend you have to check with your husband, a better way to put it might be to say, "Let me see what I have going on, and I'll get back with you."
To put an end to your friend's insensitive remarks, tell her something along these lines: "Hey, I know you've been burned by men in the past, and you're angry, but the negative comments about my husband and my marriage have to stop right here and now. I would like us to continue being friends, but if you can't honor my request I understand, and I wish you well in life."
If you feel like it, when you turn to walk away you can chunk up the deuces for good measure. Don't worry about her feelings. She's not worried about yours.
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