Here's the thing about children's entertainment, it's designed to appeal not only to the lowest common denominator, but the toughest audience known to man.
Don't believe me? Try playing your favorite song to a toddler, even something that is an acknowledged classic like the Pretenders' "I'll Stand by You" or Wumpscut's "Christfuck." They will not sit still or be quiet until you bust out something more universally appealing.
That being said, sometimes children's entertainment busts out the occasional, undeniable classic rock and roll moment. Today we honor the best.
10: Charmer, "Mesozoic Mind": Fred Savage starred in Dinosaurs! - A Fun Fill Trip Back In Time, a 1980s educational video full of Claymation prehistoric awesomeness that was perfect for traumatizing children by showing them T.Rexes begging not to die in a meteoric fireball. It also had this little rock moment. I'm fully in love with the laid-back Parasaurolophus bass player.
9. Yo Gabba Gabba feat. Jack Black, "Goodbye Song": Picking a single Yo Gabba Gabba rock moment is almost impossible since the show has become what Saturday Night Live used to be, a showcase for the best and brightest young musicians. What sets the "Goodbye Song" apart is the shredtastic guitar solo that takes us out of the episode.
8: Fraggle Rock, "Do You Want It?": Sadly, no one has loaded up this song from the Fraggle Rock episode "Wembley and the Mean Genie" onto to YouTube yet, so you're just going to either go out and by the DVD set or take my word. Hopefully the pic aboive convinces you of the angry, stompy goodness that comes out like Mike Patton in his pissier moods.
7. The Nightmare, "Riverbottom Nightmare Band": Lionsgate has blocked all videos from this stellar rock set by the bad guys from Emmet Otter's Jug Band Christmas, but there is a completely inappropriate substitute I've previously covered.
6. James Lipton, "Thundercats": You read that right. Inside the Actor's Studio host James Lipton was the man who wrote one of the most rocking theme songs ever to grace a Saturday morning cartoon. Update: Ramon Medina pointed out to me that I have apparently been taken in by an old, and frankly bizarre internet hoax. Bernard Hoffer, who also penned the theme song for Silverhawk, was the actual Thundercats composer. Which leads us to another question... who on Earth would make that up?
5. Scooby Doo & the Witch's Ghost, "Hex Girl": Straight to DVD and starring Tim Motherfucking Curry, the Witch's Ghost featured a pagan/goth band called the Hex Girls who could really belt out some sick, if cheesy, little spooky tracks. Granted, the concert footage up there plays like a game of My First Fetish, but it's still catchy nonetheless.
4. The Lion King, "Be Prepared": Without any doubt, the villain songs in Disney movies are usually the best, but they're often book numbers instead of showing any rock potential. Jeremy Irons is the exception. Between the overacting and the Nazi imagery, all I can think of is that Irons needs to put out an industrial album.
3. Tiny Toon Adventures, "Particle Man": if you're like me, you'd never heard of They Might Be Giants until they had a couple of great music videos featured on Tiny Toons. A great introduction to surrealist music.
2. The Misfits, "I Am a Giant": Poseurs like Jem and the Holograms, whereas true animated music connoisseurs know the rival Misfits were actually the more daring and innovative band. It was only the mainstream music machine keeping them down.
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The Dank, "Gordon Won't You Come Out and Play": Mother Goose's Rock n' Rhyme was an all-star experience featuring the likes of Paul Simon and, no shit, Bobby Brown as a hip hopping version of the Three Blind Mice.
At one point, our hero Gordon is thrown in a dungeon by Little Richard's Old King Cole, and tortured by a masked rock band credited as the Dank. Rumors circulated for years that Kiss or Twisted Sister was behind the masks, but the truth is that the Dank was a mix-match of Dweezil Zappa, members of the Breakfast Club, Warren DeMartini of Ratt, and American Idol's Randy Jackson laying down an unbelievable bass line!