10 Books Every Goth Needs on His or Her Shelf (But Doesn't Have to Actually Read)

Having wandered around the goth scene the better part of the last decade, sipping absinthe in the homes of hosts of spooky musicians, artist, and funeral home workers, I've come to the conclusion that not having a visible library is a major gothic faux pas. Every elegant sinister figure in pop culture reads, and you have to at least imply you do as well even if you don't. And let me tell you, a lot of them don't. They use books like lawyers do... as a backdrop.

Not to worry, my literarily challenged chums, I've got your back. If you're out setting up your first apartment, free to finally explode your bats and skulls all over every inch like a Michaels in October that was hit with a bomb, you can still fill up that smart-person shelf easily. Most people will be none the wiser. If someone who actually does read comes along and starts to talk about the books, just get them a drink and take off your clothes. That usually works.

Ed. Note: This isn't a plot to get dumb people naked is it? Author's Note: You ruin all my best plans.

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Jef Rouner is a contributing writer who covers politics, pop culture, social justice, video games, and online behavior. He is often a professional annoyance to the ignorant and hurtful.
Contact: Jef Rouner