It's that wonderful event you look forward to all year, all too often followed by a hollow feeling of regret: the office Christmas party.
It's a chance to get lubed up on eggnog and form alliances with the lower brass, perhaps flirt a little with the hottie from marketing, and generally come out of your shell with the other drones (like the way-too-festive new hire above).
It's also one of the best opportunities to gather blackmail material.
You know the types. You know the drill. If you're planning on throwing back a few at the office shindig this year, exercise a little self-awareness and avoid the following behavior (bravely demonstrated by fully-sober Houston Press staffers).
And keep your camera ready for the blackmail file.
Drunk D-Bag Every office party has one. While the widespread practice of passing out Xerox ass-and-boobie-shots probably went extinct sometime in the late '90s, every now and then a schnapps-loaded employee stages a revival. Usually an IT guy.
Creepy Flirt from Accounting This guy keeps the mistletoe in his back pocket and thinks it's cute to dangle it over the heads of female employees. Most likely to be Googled later in a sex-offender search.
The Karaoke Hog Be careful with the karaoke, people, and avoid these songs at all costs. That said, it's a time for giving. Don't deny your fellow workers the opportunity to shame themselves with an obliterated rendition of "Don't Stop Believin.'" Relinquish the mic.
The Wallflower Blossoms Keep your eyes peeled on the shy, mousy girl, but be discreet. After a few Jack-and-Cokes, she'll be looking to make out with anyone who makes eye contact. Exercise extreme caution when visiting the men's room.
The Sure Thing There's always a secret betting pool on who'll go home with the office flirt--the one with the blatantly-displayed thong and visible tattoos. You'll feel tattooed yourself if you succumb. This is the one everyone sticks around to witness.
The Cheating Boss So cliché you never see it coming. The boss's wife makes an appearance at the party. Boss says, 'You go on home honey, I gotta finish up some work." Five scotches later he's making out with trampity-tramp-stamp. Random high-fives can be heard.
