Film and TV

Razzies Trash Jennifer Aniston and Various Vampires

Sure the Oscars celebrated Natalie Portman, the Coen Brothers, and Banksy earlier this week with their predictable noms, but the real fun fatty meat is with the Golden Raspberry Awards or Razzies. The Razzies have been skewering the worst in film since 1981, which makes 30 years of hating on shitty movies. And brother, it'll continue as long as Hollywood is greenlighting movies about talking babies that are geniuses and Jennifer Aniston is breathing.

Seriously, can she not make a decent movie anymore? Remember The Good Girl with Jake Gyllenhaal? It wasn't great, but it was a change. I even sort of liked The Break-Up, and not for the ass-shot. But it seems like every movie she comes out with is a boring couple date flick that gathers dust on your DVD shelf next to the Strip Aerobics box-set.

The first Worst Picture winner was 1980's Can't Stop The Music, the movie with the Village People and Bruce Jenner, directed by Allan Carr. In fact, the founder of the awards, John J.B. Wilson, actually started the Razzies after watching both Music and Xanadu in a row with friends.

Neil Diamond was voted as Worst Actor for his film The Jazz Singer, and The Blue Lagoon's Brooke Shields was rewarded with the first Worst Actress prize.

The actors and actresses with the most Razzies since 1980 have been Sylvester Stallone (natch), Sharon Stone, and Madonna, who has won five awards, including one for Body Of Evidence, which rules when you're a pre-teen with cable in your room.

This year's pool of wasted talent is stellar with Aniston and Ashton Kutcher the big nominees. That assclown George Lopez snagged a Worst Supporting Actor nom for not one but three movies. Upside-Down Exclamation Point Que lastima! Also, them Twilight boys got all sorts of bloodied. I feel so sorry for hot dudes with millions of dollars. Don't mind me, this tub of cottage cheese doesn't either.

Here's your Razzie Class Of 2011. May God help all of you with any of these movies on your shelves at home.


Vampires Suck

Twilight: Eclipse

The Bounty Hunter

The Last Airbender

MY PICK: Sex & The City 2


MY PICK: Jack Black Gulliver's Travels

Gerard Butler The Bounty Hunter

Ashton Kutcher Killers & Valentine's Day

Taylor Lautner Twlight: Eclipse & Valentine's Day

Robert Pattinson Remember Me & Twilight: Eclipse

KEEP THE HOUSTON PRESS FREE... Since we started the Houston Press, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Houston, and we'd like to keep it that way. With local media under siege, it's more important than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" program, allowing us to keep offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food and culture with no paywalls.
Craig Hlavaty
Contact: Craig Hlavaty