Public Access: Five of YouTube's Craziest Musicians

John Seaborn Gray March 3, 2010 10:15AM

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Remember the days before the Internet? We only vaguely do, yet we have to wonder how certain fringes of our society found happiness. If your thing was to dress up as an anime character and have sex-ish relations with other anime characters, where did you go?

Did you place want ads? Did you leave graffiti in the restrooms of all the nearest rest stops and hope that, just once, someone would answer who didn't intend to beat the shit out of you and take all your money? Yes, the Internet has made it so much easier for deviants of all shades to find one another and hook up that we can scarcely remember a time before the bitter Furry vs. Plushie rivalry claimed so many squeezable lives.

But believe it or not, so far we've only covered the subset of highly functional outsiders. These folks function just fine within society, probably have more friends than you or Rocks Off do, and lead otherwise normal lives (the Furries especially tend to be sweet, adorable people). Rocks Off is more interested in the self-expression of the true-blue slobbering lunatics whose rocks YouTube has been kicking over for nearly five years now. If someone ever managed to get a rabidly crazy son of a bitch on tape, it is now on YouTube.

We've only skimmed the surface, but oh, are you in for a treat.

Robin Tyner, "Grande Days"

And the answer to the question "Where did all the freaks congregate before the Internet?" Late-night public-access television, my friends. Robin Tyner (who is probably a man) showed up at the studio with his puffy 1987 hair and autoharp and fearlessly belted out a tune about what it's like to be tripping off your tits while time-traveling. And you know something? HE'S NOT THAT BAD. If Robin really could travel back in time, we wonder what he'd change about this performance. We hope nothing.

Hungarian Metal Band, "No, Your Computer Isn't Lagging"

Keytars? Fire Extinguishers? Cute jailbait belly dancers? We know what you're thinking: this next band must be METAL AS FUCK. And you are correct. Shot on the same set on which most citrus-flavored soda commercials are filmed and featuring everyone the band has known since high school, this video made us fall in love with their can-do, "we don't need ideas, let's just shoot the goddamn video" attitude. We only have to ask: Why not shoot at a speed of more than six frames per minute?