So, the 9th Annual Mountain Soul Vocal Competition is just around the corner, and you should care because it involves the ever-illustrious Country Barbie known as Ms. Dolly Parton. She's my favorite, and just saying her name makes me want to adopt a Southern accent and wear rhinestones.
If you're a decent singer (which I am not, or I would enter and kick your ass), you might want to look into this little ol' contest. The Mountain Soul Vocal Competition is encouraging contestants to enter by singing your version of a song that Dolly has penned, and you could win all sorts of sweet swag -- including a recording session in Nashville and a guitar autographed by Dolly Parton. Swoon.
I'm sure at least half of the submissions will be "Jolene," but if you want to win that guitar, maybe you should try to change it up a bit. I mean, with 41 albums out and more than 3,000 songs penned, there's got to be a few Parton songs to choose from, right? (Also, if someone submits a metal version of "Coat of Many Colors," I will forever be in awe of your talents. Please and thanks.)
If you're interested in puttin' on your best Dolly Parton wig and warbling your way to fame, you can visit Bloomin' BBQ for more information on this amazingness. If you're still not sold, check out the list below. It'll help you out on your road to finding your inner Dolly Parton. Here are 10 Facts That Make Dolly Parton Badass:
10. She has some well-hidden ink on her body Dolly has always denied having tattoos, but she inadvertently confirmed the myth when she bent down in January 2012 and revealed a little more cleavage than she meant to. She's definitely got some ink down near those bad boys. Bravo, Miss Thang.
9. She's all about equality, folks. She hosts "Gay Day" at Dollywood -- much to the chagrin of the KKK, who threatened her over the event.
When it first started there were people giving us threats, I still get threats," Parton said. "But like I said, I'm in business. I just don't feel like I have to explain myself. I love everybody.
When asked about her thoughts on the hot-button topic of marriage equality, Parton graced us with the following: "I always say, 'Sure -- why can't they get married?" she said. "They should suffer like the rest of us do!'"
Oh, Dolly. That's why you're the greatest.
8. She can play nine different instruments She can bust out tunes on the autoharp, banjo, drums, dulcimer, fiddle, guitar, harmonica, pennywhistle, and the piano. The freakin' pennywhistle. Too awesome.
7. She's never been on a single ride at Dollywood, despite owning it for 20 years "My daddy used to say, 'I could never be a sailor. I could never be a miner. I could never be a pilot,' Dolly said. "I am the same way. I have motion sickness. I could never ride some of these rides. I used to get sick on the school bus."
6. She accidentally crashed the Imagination Library Website, with a little help from Reddit The cyber-traffic drummed up from a Reddit post about her free-book program effectively shut down the Imagination Library site, with hordes of parents looking to take part in the free library collection of more than 60 books that Parton is offering to children. Only Dolly Parton could shut down a library site.
5. She lost a Dolly Parton lookalike contest to a man And it was hilarious, too. "All these beautiful drag queens had worked for weeks and months getting their clothes," she said. "So I just got in the line and I just walked across, and they just thought I was some little short gay guy...I got the least applause."
4. She's covered a Led Zeppelin song Jimmy Page and Robert Plant approved of it, too, and even let her add some of her own lyrics to her bluegrass remake of "Stairway to Heaven." Yeah, that's not going to happen for you, no matter how many fan letters you send out. Only Ms. Parton could get away with that.
3. The first cloned sheep was named after her. Scientist Ian Wilmut put it like this: "Dolly is derived from a mammary gland cell, and we couldn't think of a more impressive pair of glands than Dolly Parton's."
Makes total sense.
2. She calls her boobs "show dogs" She really does. Here's what she says on the subject: "I'm in showbiz. I look at my boobs like they're show horses or show dogs. You've got to keep them groomed."
1. She turned down Elvis when he wanted to record "I Will Always Love You" Elvis' manager, Colonel Tom Parker, demanded that she give up half of the publishing royalties as part of the deal. Here's what Parton had to say about it:
Well, now it's already been a hit for me. I wrote it and I've already published it. And this is the stuff I'm leaving for my family, when I'm dead and gone. So I can't give up half the publishing.
And he said, 'Well then, we can't record it.' Other people were saying, 'You're nuts. It's Elvis Presley. I'd give him all of it.' But I said, 'I can't do that. Something in my heart says don't do that.' And I didn't do it and they didn't do it.
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