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"I said 'Slag off!'"

4. Pool Parties and Afterparties First, Music Festival Second "You've changed man...It used to be about the music."

3. You Don't Show Up Until Sundown As each year goes by, you think of more reasons why to show up to the Polo Fields late, each excuse bringing you later and later. It's hot. You're favorite band doesn't go on until 7 p.m. You can't do those 12 hour days like you used to. Sure, you spend hundreds of dollars on a ticket, but you can't put a price on AC.

I'm old or boring or both as coachella sounds like the least fun thing in the world to me.

— Katie Aselton (@duplaselton) April 16, 2014

2. You Spend More Time Being Snarky About the Festival on Twitter Than Actually Enjoying It A good sign it's time to retire to Stagecoach.

freeimages.com user MJimages

1. You Just Said Screw It And Enjoyed the Fest From the Comforts of Your Own Couch Instead of being half-naked in the desert drinking $10 beers in 100 degree heat, you're sitting on your couch, fully-naked, enjoying blatant bong rips and watching your favorite bands from the front row. If this is what being old is like, sign me up for AARP and get me a Hoveround: this is the shit!

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