It works like this: when it's hot out in Houston, we fantasize about freezing weather, parkas, knit caps, and cuddling up in bed with someone warm. When it's cold, really cold, for those few scattered days all we want to do is sit on a patio in shorts, sip margaritas and look at all the bare skin walking by.
Now, it's been at least a thousand degrees in Houston for the past, what, three months? (Rocks Off checked with all the local weather sites, we promise.) Buildings are melting like ice cream, dogs and other small pets are literally evaporating into the sidewalks, and sweat hugs your body like a slippery loved one.
It's hot, Houston, but that don't mean we can't make it a shivery winter wonderland in our heads.
You know that old line, "Think warm thoughts," when you have to get a really cold thermometer up your ass after you fall out with heat stroke? What? No one else here has had an ice-cold steel instrument shoved anywhere? Ladies, the gyno dude surely knows what's up.
Well, the warm-thoughts line can be used for this weather, y'all. Just think cold thoughts. Mind over matter. Go ahead, go outside and stand in the heat, no matter what time of day in Houston really, and try to will away the sweats.
With enough mental power, you can actually make yourself shiver, without having a debilitating crack habit. If it doesn't work, just remember that when you wake up from passing out in the road, there is a McDonald's in the hospital.
Here are a few cold songs to cool down your ears today. Now, excuse us while we put on our new hoodie and beanie and walk to get a piece of pizza down the street from the office. That scream you might hear is the women on the street shrieking when we strip down to our skivvies when the sun hits us.
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