As we speak, Rocks Off is going through the concert listings one by one looking for something of interest for which to write amusing articles laced with the finest penis jokes. "What, ho?" says we. "This band Indiginis has a capricious moniker. Undoubtedly their music is equally full of whimsy and sly character. We shall find them and exhibit them for the Houston masses in celebration of their show tonight at Fitzgerald's."
No, actually we won't.
We tried, we really did, but Indiginis is guilty of a multitude of sins that, frankly, make them not worth the effort that it requires for Rocks Off to interview them, or listen to a single note of their music. These sins are sadly committed by many of our own hometown heroes as well as the touring acts - who are being triply stupid by adding traveling costs to their failure to abide by common sense.
One of those sins, of course, is actually being named Idiginis, which we didn't realize until our editor told us. This goes back to our most often shouted complaint of bands not really thinking through their names. Either the name is already taken - and yes, being in another country still counts as taken - or you get a name like Idiginis that annoys a reporter so much that he uses the rage from having to type it to fuel a 1,700 word article.
You know, for an example.
A complaint often leveled at Rocks Off is that we tend to follow the same bands without adding new acts to the rotation. This is not true, but for argument's sake let's say it is. There are two reasons we do this. The first is that the bands we follow are awesome, but the second is simply that they also make it easy to write about them. Here are some of the things they do.
HAVE AN ONLINE PRESENCE
You do not exist if you are not on the Internet. No, you do not. It is very important that your band be on Twitter, a Facebook, MySpace - yes, still - and preferably have Bandcamp and ReverbNation pages, a Wikipedia entry, and official YouTube channel, and a regular old Web site.
We know that sounds like a lot of work to maintain, and believe us it is, but it is also absolutely necessary. Just as some people used to respond to flyers at clubs, others to ads in the paper, and still others to radio and television, people looking for music want to go to their preferred venue for information. You had better be there.
When you aren't there, it annoys people looking for information. Speaking of...
HAVE AN INTERESTING ONLINE PRESENCE
Nothing says, "This band is a half-assed effort with no future" worse than a placeholder page on Facebook, MySpace, etc. It is very important that you get some songs up. That's the first priority. After that, you better have some pictures, videos and a short bio. Bear in mind we said a short bio.
There's no reason to go on and on unless you have a real spiffy writer in the band or you have some stories that are so cool that it would be impossible to mess up. Say for instance you had your gear stolen, only for it to turn up in the hands of the band you opened for the next night. That's the kind of story you'd put in the bio. Everything else should boil down to three sentences.
