Horses are a big part of any rodeo, and in the waning days of HLS&R 2009
it would be easy to whip up a list of movie horses that everyone knows,
to wit: Seabiscuit, the Black Stallion (plus sequel), Black Beauty, and
Trigger. Booooring. And while I realize this is a nation that has the
energy to work itself into spasms of rage over the new Dora the Explorer design, surely we can accept a somewhat less-noteworthy assortment of
movie equines?
5. “Rising Star” — The Electric Horseman (1979)
He starts out as the best in the business, lapses into disco parody,
then goes into semi-retirement out west. He’s like the horse version of
Gene Simmons.
4. Ill-fated steeds — The Charge of the Light Brigade (1936)
In spite of what history books and Iron Maiden might have taught us
about the Battle of Balaclava, it isn’t any “burst of rounds” taking out
these mounts, but a little device called a “running W” that yanks the
forelegs back to provide a more realistic tumble. Oh, the horse-manity.
3. The leader of the Brombies — The Man From Snowy River (1982)
Actually, this guy was pretty bad-ass. He led a gang, kidnapped (or
rescued, depending on how PETA-centric your perspective is) other
horses, and was kill-crazy for the Craig family in an interspecies
manner not seen since great white sharks united to eliminate the Brody
clan.
2. “Midnight” — Hooper (1978)
He doesn’t get a lot of screen time, but Burt Reynolds’ character’s
horse has one defining moment that everybody in the audience can get
behind: taking a dump in Jan Michael Vincent’s convertible. There’s no
clip out there, so you’ll just have to take my word for it and enjoy the
Palomino Club fight:
1. “Trooper” — Animal House (1978)
The list’s true tragic figure occupies the top spot. Thanks to nothing
more than his association with the loathsome Omegas, Trooper (visible
for a few seconds in this trailer) is pelted with golf balls, harassed
by the inept Flounder, and “accidentally” killed in the commission of a
prank. If not for a weak heart, he might have finally snapped and
stomped in Neidermeyer’s head, thus saving his troops the trouble of
fragging him later.
This article appears in Mar 19-25, 2009.
