Crime

Apparently Sharpstown Has a Yucca Thief

*Plant pun goes here*
*Plant pun goes here* Screenshot from video provided by John Brannen
It's a rough economy in Texas right now, but who knew it was so bad that people were stealing plants?

At 5 a.m. on Sunday January 31, Sharpstown resident John Brannen found that a random thief had brazenly came up to his door, stolen two yuccas, and walked away with supreme confidence as if it were the ending of an HGTV remake of The Usual Suspects. The thief was caught on Brannen's Ring camera (full video below).

"Admittedly, the two plants were not in the healthiest condition," says Brennan. "Perhaps the thief was just critical of my care for them."

Believe it or not, yucca plants are actually highly prized as stolen goods. Used in herbal supplements, they can be sold on the black market for $100/ton. The problem has gotten so bad in Mexico that armed mafia goons are part of widespread yucca syndicate. In the Trinidad Valley, residents call yucca “el palo de oro” or “the stick of gold.”


Then again, it's possible that the thief just thought the plants would look nice. Bryan, Texas had some plant theft last September that appears unrelated to the yucca trade. Sometimes weirdos do just walk off with the stuff on your porch for reasons that are mysterious to the non-plant burglar mind.

If you recognize the man in the video below, please contact the Houston Police Department. If there is a gang of violent yucca exporters in the city, it's probably worth stopping. At the very least, it could give some closure to Brannen, who misses his plants.

"[I] Had food delivered around lunchtime, and my front porch felt very empty without the two yucca plants," he says.

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Jef Rouner is a contributing writer who covers politics, pop culture, social justice, video games, and online behavior. He is often a professional annoyance to the ignorant and hurtful.
Contact: Jef Rouner