“If you’ve been reading the papers, there is a lot of media slanting on professional wrestling and the steroid use,” says Tex Lonestar. The local promoter, who sat down with us and his rival Dirty Sanchez for a little trash talk, says Doomsday Wrestling’s ‘Roid Rage will prove athletes don’t need Arnolds to bring the pain. How so, Tex? “With over-the-top violence and mayhem, obviously,” he says. Sanchez chimes in. “What do you think, we’re singing and dancing?” Sanchez is known on the comedic wrestling circuit for his bad attitude as well as his disregard for rules and standards. This leads us to believe his wrestlers, if any, would be using the gym candy. “Ju are accusing Sanchez of juicing the people in my stable? That’s ridículo,” Sanchez says. Tex Lonestar assures us it isn’t likely. “Judging from Sanchez’s win/loss record in the ring, I would say that they’re probably not on steroids due to the fact that they are not winning,” he says. “Oh, that’s a very low blow of you, Tex Blowhard,” says Sanchez, assuring us that his wrestlers, such as Your Worst Nightmare, don’t need ‘roids to win this time around. “He has wrestled more bears than his usual regiment,” Sanchez says. “Your worst nightmare is your worster nightmare. He is more worst than your nightmares.” Tex Lonestar says he’ll need all the training he can get to battle The Stormin’ Mormons, a tag team from Salt Lake City.

Other matches include the tiny but mighty Queen Kong against Sanchez’s El Terrifico, the mysterious Precious Jewels against newcomer Jack Hail Hammer, and the savage Oola Boola against another newbie, the Kosher Killer. High Octane returns to defend his championship title, and look for geriatric grappler Bill “The Thrill” Korczynski and, as always, Tex Lonestar calling the shots and Dirty Sanchez giving him trouble.

Sat., Sept. 29, 9 p.m., 2007

This article appears in Sep 27 – Oct 3, 2007.